Love's Fool
by OyHumbug
Summary: This is another AU fic that shows what happens when promises are broken, vows are forgotten, and two people fall in love when they know they really shouldn't. What starts out as feisty attraction turns into genuine feelings as the two completely different
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

It was 12:00, and though Ryan Atwood wanted to be far away from this house, this gated community, this town as soon as he could, he also could not deny the fact that he was hungry and on his way to becoming dehydrated. Summers in Southern California were his favorite time of year, but despite the central air cooling the house he was working in, his body was still slick and glistening with sweat and so hot he was miserable.

The work was not overly exerting, just time consuming and frankly uninteresting to Ryan. He did not work in construction, specializing in detail work for the upper classes of the beachside towns in the area, due to a general interest in the job, but, instead, he did it because it was the best thing he could do with no formal education. It paid well. He lived a comfortable life in Long Beach, but it bothered him as he walked about the house he would be working in for the next several weeks to think that no matter how hard he worked, no matter how many hours he put in, and no matter if he retired or not, he would never make enough money to afford the homes he worked on let alone the lifestyle the people had who resided in them.

It was only Monday, and already he could tell it was going to take forever for Friday afternoon to roll around. For the next several weeks, he was working on remodeling the kitchen of a Mr. Gerald Carnahan, president and CEO of some wealthy, successful company that meant utterly nothing to Ryan. He knew the type of man he was though and could sum his personality up in one word: workaholic. Although he was currently employed by him, Ryan had never spoken with the man. He had been contacted about the job by the man's secretary. When he arrived there, the said secretary had been waiting to give him a key to use at his disposal for when he would be working and disappeared before anything else was said. Directions for what he was to do were typed and organized on a word-processed list for him on the existing kitchen counter; custom cabinets, all new tile for the floor, counters, and backsplash, and not just any tile, but hand made, Italian pieces, each one individually crafted, new, state of the art, top of the line, designer appliances, and a mural for the walls and ceiling were all being installed. When he was finished with the kitchen it would be a work of art not a place to prepare food for a family, and there was no doubt in Ryan's mind that a family resided in this home.

Although he had not seen any of the members of the family, there were pictures of the man's children all around the house, two young boys. Guessing by their more recent pictures that he had seen, he thought they were close in age and probably around eight or nine. It was strange though, because, although there were many pictures of the two sons, there was not a single picture of their father or mother. He assumed the man was married, but what did he know, perhaps he was divorced or she had died. No matter what the story was, he just felt uncomfortable in the house. Depressed over the fact that he still had hours to go before he could leave and escape back into the real world outside of Newport Beach, Ryan sighed, grabbed his lunch from inside of the fridge, and made his way out back towards the patio.

The crystal clear, in ground, piano shaped swimming pool, complete with diving board, curving slide, and hot tub, looked very inviting to Ryan's over-heated body, but he pushed aside his impulse to strip down and take a quick dip, fearful that someone would unexpectedly show up and catch him. So, instead, sitting under a shade tree where he had a perfect view of the driveway and garage, he began to eat his lunch, constantly on the lookout for someone who could interrupt his few moments of peace. He ate quickly, packing up his wrappings when he was finished and putting them back in his brown paper sack to throw away when he went back into the house. Looking down at his watch he saw that it was only 12:15. The spot he was sitting in was comfortable and he did not feel like going back to work yet, so, closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the tree and let his body relax. Not five minutes later though, his solitude was interrupted as he heard a vehicle pull up into the driveway.

The windows in the expensive, foreign SUV were tinted, so he could not see who, male or female, was driving, but his curiosity did not have to wait for long as the person quickly opened the door and got out. It was a woman, probably in her late 20's, and so, in all likelihood the wife of man he was working for and the mother of the children in all the pictures he had seen around the house. The first thought he had was, _she's gorgeous_, followed by, _I hope she's just here on her lunch break and leaves soon_. Unfortunately, that was impossible, and he learned it soon enough as she walked in front of the vehicle and he could see what she was wearing, jeans and a skimpy, low cut tank top, definitely not office wear appropriate and definitely appealing. _Dude, she's married and technically your employer_, Ryan chastised himself, _but still it wouldn't hurt to look, would it. _Before he could escape into the house though, she saw him watching her.

"Are you just going to sit there and stare or are you going to give me a hand with this," she asked in a very forthright and honest manner, something he found surprising and refreshing. Most of the women in this town never said what they meant or thought.

Jumping up, he jogged over to her side, "Sure."

Opening the hatch of the SUV, she revealed bag after bag of groceries, shocking Ryan. "What, is your maid on vacation?"

"Nope, no maid, just me. I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and child rearing in this house, much to my husband's displeasure," she revealed. He assumed that she would stop talking then and there, that they would walk into the house together, carrying the groceries, and then she would leave him alone. He was wrong.

"I refused to let him hire help when all I do is sit at home all day. I'm perfectly capable of working, and, in fact, would love to, but no wife of his, my husband says, is going to work, especially if it's nothing prestigious like owning one's own company. I've tried to tell him that millions of people work and gain satisfaction from said work without having President and CEO attached to their name, but he doesn't listen to me. And it's not as if I want to work full time, part time would be great, just something to get me out of the house where I could meet new people; you know what I mean?"

Ryan didn't know how to respond. She obviously expected him to say something, so he just figured it would be easier to agree with her than to say anything else. "Um, yeah…. sure," he stuttered out flatly.

"When the boys were first born, it wasn't that bad, because I could take care of them all day, but once they both were in school, I was left alone here in this big, empty house. You can only scrub the tile floor in the kitchen, dust the mantles, and wash all the bedding so often, right?"

Again, she wanted him to say anything, but he couldn't. For some reason his tongue was completely twisted in knots, his palms were sweaty, and he could feel his face, especially his ears, blushing, so, incapable of speaking, he just nodded. The movement seemed to be enough for her, as she just continued on with her personal story.

"My Mother tried to get me to join her various social groups and charities, but I learned that lesson early in life and I stay away from women like that, but that makes me pretty lonely, because everyone in this town is just like my Mom, perhaps less intense and a little more scrupulous, but still similar. It's even worse now, because my husband insisted that the boys go to summer camp this year for their various sporting activities, so they're gone for the next three months."

As they entered the kitchen and put the bags down on the portions of the counter Ryan had not yet begun to demolish, he finally regained his ability to talk.

"What about your husband though, you have him for company, don't you?"

Without missing a beat, Marissa turned to the groceries as she replied to his question and began to put them away. "No, not really; I mean, he works a lot when he's in town and that isn't that often. I assume you spoke with his secretary about this job?" Without waiting for him to reply, as if she didn't even need his answer to confirm her suspicions, she continued. "Half the time when he needs to tell me something, he has her call. I swear I speak to her more than I do my actual husband…..but….I mean, it's okay; I understand." For the first time since she began talking, she remembered that she didn't know this man and that she was sharing intimate details about her life with him. True, she was an honest person, but there should be a line that a wife does not cross when she is talking about her husband and their relationship. "Don't get me wrong," she explained, "my husband is good to me. He takes care of me and the children; we never want for anything."

"Right," Ryan said while edging his way towards the open door that led back outside to the patio and garage. "I'm just going to go and get the rest of those bags for you."

"I'll help," she replied eagerly, rushing forward to join him, but he put his arms out to gently stop her, accidentally brushing his hand across her shoulder. It was several moments before either of them could speak. The tension and instant attraction that filled the spaces in between them was palpable. Shaking his head to clear the fog of desire away from his mind, Ryan broke the connection by taking his hand away and continuing his escape back outside. "No, it's alright," he explained, "I'll go ahead and get them while you start putting things away." Smiling weakly at her one last time before he turned around and ran out of the door, he left a very confused and shocked woman just standing in her over-sized kitchen staring after him.

Returning, laden down with more bags than any one person should ever carry, Ryan found the woman reaching up to put an item away on a high shelf, causing her shirt to rise a great deal and giving him a very generous view of her midriff. _Of course, she'd have to be like that when I walked in_, he thought to himself. Letting his eyes watch her greedily, he noticed that you would never be able to tell that she had two children by looking at her body. It was practically flawless, and it didn't look like it was the work of high-priced plastic surgeon. Dropping the bags wearily unto the counter, he startled her and she jumped around to face him, smiling at the sight of his face again.

"Thanks," she innocently said before moving towards the bags he had just put down to unload them as well. "My name is Marissa by the way."

"Ryan," he returned, "but I think I should call you Mrs. Carnahan."

Marissa turned to look at him, the disdain she felt for that name evident upon her face. "Please don't call me that. The only people who call me Mrs. Carnahan are those who either want something from me or just plain don't like me. I'm hoping you won't fit into either of those categories."

"Thanks, but no thanks; it wouldn't be professional of me to call you by your first name." As she went to protest, he held up his hand in a halting manor. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to work."

He thought she would just leave, go off to another part of the house, another of their many rooms, but she remained much to his displeasure. Ryan was a loner, an introvert, and he preferred to be left by himself much of the time. That's why he worked alone doing specialty jobs; he couldn't stand working with a crew of men. Their constant chatter and bragging annoyed him.

"That's fine, Ryan, go on ahead and do what you have to do. I'm about to make some lunch though, because I'm hungry. Would you like some?"

"I already ate," he said shortly, shooting down her offer without a second's hesitation.

His dismissive tone stung. Perhaps it was because she was not expecting him to treat her like that, he seemed so nice, or maybe it was because she was starving for attention and companionship, but whatever it was it bothered Marissa. She did not give up though. He was going to be here for a couple of weeks, five days a week, and that gave her an excellent opportunity for someone to talk to. Who knows, maybe they could even become friends. So, with that in mind, she continued to talk to him.

"So, Ryan, are you married, do you have any kids?"

His answer was simple. "No."

"No, you don't have any kids or no you're not married," she continued to push. The thought that he was single was an interesting one for her, an appealing one….not that she would act on it, but it was still nice to think about.

"No, I don't have kids, and, no, I'm not married," Ryan elaborated. Before she could ask him another question, he turned on a saw to continue working on the demotion of the existing kitchen cabinets – or at least the portion of the kitchen he was working on first. In order to be accommodating, he was trying to do as much of the work in stages so that the kitchen would never entirely be out of commission.

Marissa waited patiently, working on her lunch silently as Ryan continued to work. She watched him, unnoticed, as he labored away, the muscles in his well formed and built body tensing and tightening as he moved, and then pounced on the opportunity to talk to him again when the saw was turned off.

"Did you go to college," she asked him out of the blue as soon as silence once again took over the kitchen, making Ryan turn around to face her.

He was surprised by what he saw. She sat there with a foot-long sub, potato chips, and a pop in front of her at the kitchen table. Speaking up, he answered her question. "Nope."

"Me either," Marissa lamented. "I wanted to. I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, but I still wanted to go, you know, join a sorority, make new friends, learn new things about myself, leave Newport, but my Mom insisted that I stay here, and when Gerry, that's my husband, proposed, it was always what my Mother wanted for me, so I said yes. Ten years later, here I am."

Ryan honestly didn't know how to respond to that. The fact that she let her Mother dictate her life so much was sad. It seemed as if she had never been allowed to do anything she ever wanted to do, as if her life was a script, she was the actress, and her Mom the playwright controlling her every word and action. Deciding that it was best to avoid the topic because he was afraid of saying too much and revealing what he really thought of her husband and mother, he just changed the subject. "What's all that," he said in a frustrated voice, pointing to the food in front of her. "I told you I already ate."

"Oh this," Marissa indicated as she looked down at the sandwich and chips, "oh, this isn't for you; this is my lunch."

"You eat," he shot back at her in a surprised tone. "I thought Newport women only pretended to eat." His annoyance with her came bubbling to the surface. All he wanted to do was work in peace and quiet and she wouldn't leave him alone, and the fact that he was attracted to her just made him even more frustrated. Perhaps if he made her mad, she would disappear. Quirking an eyebrow at her and speaking in a mock serious tone, he asked, "or is this the one meal you allow yourself a month? Perhaps you're just going to run and throw it up later?"

He turned back around believing he had finally pushed her to the edge and that she would leave him alone, but, apparently, she gave as good as she got. Shocking him, she sprang from the table and lunged in front of him, pointing an accusing finger into his chest as her sapphire eyes, _most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen_ – _stop it Ryan_, flashed dangerously at him.

"What the hell is your problem with me," she asked angrily. "I have been nothing but nice to you since the moment I saw you, and how do you treat me in return? First, you were rude and indifferent, ignoring me and refusing to hold an actual conversation with me, and now you're just cruel! As for your accusations, I'm not even going to dignify them with an answer!"

"Good then," he said as he side stepped away from her, "that means you can take your food and eat in the other room. I'm sure there's a really interesting soap opera on right now that you're missing, and then, once you leave, I can work without you constantly yapping in my ear!"

Moving back in front of him, once again, and pushing against his shoulders in an antagonizing manor, she continued to fight with him. "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of leaving this room! Besides, someone has to make sure you don't slack off or steal anything. We have a lot of value stuff in this house, and someone with your background…."

"What's that supposed to mean," he cut her off, the anger still present in his voice, but she could see panic and fear in his eyes and hurt, as if he was not expecting her to say those things to him.

"Nothing, forget I said anything," she lied as she pushed her way past him, but this time, he would not let go of their argument. Taking her by the arm and twirling her around once again to face him, he moved in closer to her body as they matched each other glare for glare.

"You don't know anything about me, got it," Ryan ordered. If this was any other man in her life, Marissa would have been scared that they were going to hit her, something that was not a foreign experience for her. She had been slapped around more than once by the men she was involved with, but fear was the last thing she felt with Ryan standing so close to her. _I want him._ The thought soared through her mind, astonishing her and making her feel alive all at once; the attraction was utterly alien. With her high school boyfriends, with her husband, it had always been a chore to be intimate, but the only thing that she could think of as she watched Ryan's face, inches away from her own, was that she wanted him and she wanted him now. Before she could act upon her urges, he pulled away and turned his back on her ruining the moment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I didn't mean anything by what I said. I just knew you weren't from around here, so I thought that I could touch a nerve with what I said. I wasn't thinking….obviously."

Making light of her apology, Ryan moved back to his work. "It's fine Mrs. Carnahan; you don't owe me any explanations. Like I said before, you're my employer and I'm your employee. This is why we shouldn't be talking to each other."

"But you're wrong," Marissa shot back, the emotion now returning to her voice as it grew in volume. "What's wrong with us being friends while you work here? I really don't have any friends, and, I'm guessing by your sparkling personality and superb conversation skills that you don't have many friends either." He went to interrupt her, but she just kept talking. "And I know what you're to say, that you like your life, you like being by yourself, but do you really? I used to tell myself that same thing, but then I realized that it was just an excuse and I just preferred being by myself than being with people I didn't like, and despite everything, I don't mind you."

"Wow, thanks for the compliment," Ryan replied sarcastically, folding his arms in front of his chest as he waited for her to finish with what she was saying.

"Well it's more than what you've given me so far," she shot back testily. "I know I can be annoying, that I'm nosey, and that I ask too many questions, but I'm just trying to find some common ground so that we have something to talk about for the next couple of weeks. You're going to be here everyday, and unless I have an errand to run, I spend all day here as well, so what do you say?"

Sticking her hand out for Ryan to shake it, she waited in vain as he just stared at her. "Mrs. Carnahan, please…." The fact that he called her by her married name again after she had spoken so honestly to him and offered her friendship up so easily was like a slap to the face. Not wanting to break down in front of him, she took the hand back that she had extended for him to shake and covered her mouth with it as she ran out of the kitchen, her lunch forgotten.

"Mrs. Carnahan," Ryan called after her retreating figure. "Marissa!" He didn't know what made him say her first name, to address her so personally, but it didn't matter. She was gone, off to some far off place in the house where she was no doubt crying. "Shit," he cursed before turning back to his work, his pride and lack of nerve keeping him from going after her. _It's going to be a long few weeks_, he silently said to himself, grimacing at the thought of it, as he gathered up a load of wood and went to throw it in the rented dumpster out back.

After Marissa had run out on Ryan, she had retreated to _her_ bedroom. Because he was away so much, her husband kept his things in another room so that he would never wake her if he had to leave early or if he got home late. Once she was safely inside of her own private sanctuary, she almost immediately stopped crying and sat in front of her vanity and looked at herself in the mirror for hours, going over every last detail of her life. What she was thinking was crazy, she knew that, but she also couldn't deny the fact for the first time in years, she had found something….someone who excited her, someone she could have _fun_ with.

Even after she had heard Ryan pull out of the driveway, she sat there. Finally, pushing herself up, she made her way to her closet, pulling out outfits she hadn't worn in years. Suddenly, she had a reason to wear them again.

Late that night, after having tried on and sorted through all the clothes she had removed from her wardrobe, she lay in bed, emotionally and physically exhausted. Despite the fact that she had neglected her daily chores, she still felt as if she had worked non-stop the entire afternoon.

The room was dark; she refused to turn on a light. The room was silent; she refused to turn on the tv or the radio. Her mind was spinning; she refused to stop it. She would be 30 years old that fall, and nothing had prepared her for this moment in her life. Tomorrow could not come fast enough.

Unfortunately for Marissa, her fantasies were interrupted by the annoying reminder that life did exist outside of her bedroom when the phone range. Answering it without looking at the caller ID, she already knew who was calling. No one else called so late.

"Hey Gerry," she greeted her husband with a less than enthused voice. "How's the trip so far?"

"Good, good," he responded back. Laughing silently to herself, Marissa realized that she didn't even know when her husband had left, where he had gone to this time, or when he would be back.

"And how are you," she asked, feigning interest.

His answer was brief, apathetic, "Fine." Instead of asking of her in return or even the kids, he immediately got to the point of his phone call. "How did the first day of the kitchen remodel go with…what was that guy's name again that I hired….."

"Ryan," Marissa answered for him, not even aware of the change in her tone from lethargic and bored to excited and dreamy. "It went well," she continued without giving her husband a chance to say anything. "He worked on the demolition today and even helped me carry in the groceries."

"If you would let me hire help you wouldn't have to carry in your own groceries," he chastised her like a little child. Sometimes she wondered if that was how he looked at her, like another one of his children, like someone else he was responsible for, someone else he had to take care of.

Annoyed, she snapped back, "Gerry, we're not getting into this again. Look, I'm tired and you're making me mad. Maybe we should just…."

Before she could say anything else though, he cut her off. "I've got to go Marissa. Call and give my secretary daily updates on the progress on the kitchen. I should be back in a few days but then I'll have to leave again. I'll call you with my flight information." With that, the line went dead and Marissa was once again left alone with her thoughts.

Stretching out her long, lithe limbs like a cat who had just licked the cream, she smiled to herself before settling back into the pillows to continue imagining many pleasant scenarios as slumber slowly overtook her for the night and pleasant dreams replaced her fantasies.

Ryan arrived home that evening around 6:00 after a very long day on the job. Once Marissa had left the kitchen, Ryan was able to work, and perhaps because he was so wired from the events that had transpired between them, he seemed to work even more furiously than normal. However, he still had not calmed down.

After jumping out of his pickup, he unlocked his front door and went immediately through the house to the backdoor in the kitchen to let the only thing he routinely looked forward to seeing daily back inside, his dog, a Golden Retriever named Q.

"Hey girl, sorry I'm late," Ryan apologized to his dog who had happily bounded her way to her owner to let him pet her affectionately. Moving to the fridge, Q never leaving his side, Ryan took out a bottle of water, opened it, and downed almost the entire thing. Sitting it down on the counter, he went over to the sink and filled up Q's water dish for her. Greedily, the dog lapped up the cool liquid. Walking into his living room, Ryan flipped on the tv, which was habitually tuned to ESPN News, to see the day's highlights and scores, but, unlike normal, he could not concentrate on what the sportscasters were saying. Finishing off his first bottle of water, he went back into the kitchen, reopened the fridge, pulled out another one, and grabbed an old box of pizza from a few nights previous and went back to settle down on the couch.

He ate in silence, Q eventually coming into the room and laying at his feet contentedly. Knowing that he'd never be able to sleep as agitated as he was, Ryan turned the tv back off, threw the now empty pizza box onto the coffee table, and stood up, making his way back to his bedroom where he changed his clothes quickly and grabbed Q's leash.

"Hey girl, you want to go for a run," Ryan asked his dog when he re-entered the living room?

Q did not have to be asked twice, and the two were quickly out the door together and in Ryan's pickup as they headed to the beach. This is what he did when he was having a particularly stressful or bad day; he and Q went for runs on the beach right at the surf's edge. They ran until they couldn't move any more, collapsed in the sand to rest before swimming in the ocean, and then finally, already exhausted, ran back to the truck to go home and fall into bed for the night.

And so, that's what they did, but, unlike most nights, it didn't help Ryan get any closer to being able to sleep. Q was zonked out beside him on the bed, actually taking up more space than Ryan was, slightly snoring, and totally oblivious to her owner's raging thoughts and troubled mind.

Getting out of bed, he made his way into his backyard and settled down on a chaise lounge. As he gazed up at the stars, so peaceful yet mysterious and frightening in an unknown sense, he couldn't help but think of Marissa. That's how he would describe her, peaceful to be with, but mysterious and frightening at the same time. But she was married, she was from Newport, and she annoyed the hell out of him sometimes. Sighing, knowing that in less than hour he had gotten himself into exactly the type of confusing situation he had always attempted to avoid, he swore to himself that he would not give in, that he would refuse to see the good, the beautiful, the magical in her and focus on her character imperfections…. _if she had any_, a little voice inside of his head taunted him.

Speaking out loud, his voice full of uncertainty, Ryan re-voiced his earlier concern, "it's going to be a long few weeks."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

As Ryan drove to Newport Friday morning, he reflected back upon the week that had flown by surprisingly quickly.

Work had been progressing steadily. He had finished the demolition of the kitchen Monday afternoon after Mari…. Mrs. Carnahan had run away from him in tears and he had started the actual remodel the next day. New floors were the first thing he put in, followed by the construction of the custom made cabinets. He thought he would enjoy working on those, because the plan was to build them outside, but, oh, had he been wrong.

Tuesday morning when he arrived at work he expected his day to be peaceful. Assuming that he had pushed her too far and that Mrs. Carnahan would give up on being his friend, he let himself into the house for a relaxing, stress free, manual labor intensive day of tiling and grouting. Twenty minutes into the day his expectations were turned upside down.

Moving to pick up another large tile, his eyes at just about waist level came in direct contact with Mrs. Carnahan. He had never heard her come in, because although the room was quiet, she was obviously not talking to him. Instead, it became apparent, she had decided to leave her mental badgering and torture for a new, more painful type of cruelty for him: physical.

She was in the family, which one could see directly into from the kitchen due the homes modern, open floor-plan, dusting away, ipod on, and dancing along to the music slightly as she worked. This would have been amusing, entertaining even, but the problem was not her activities but rather the outfit she was wearing…..if you could call it that…..while she pranced about the room.

Ryan did not know if he had ever seen anything as cute and flirty, sexy yet innocent on a woman before, and the sight of her was driving him mad. Really it was just a simple sundress, but it was short, showing her toned, tanned, and taunt legs which were like water in the dessert to his starved and thirsty eyes. It was tight at the top, perfectly forming to her plump and round, perky breasts, and then loosening below her waist to flow out so that while she twirled around with the music, the dress would lift slightly and reveal more of her supple thighs.

He tried to work as diligently as possible, but he found that he had to reposition his body so that he could see her whenever he looked up. There were a few times when particular moves or positions of her body affected him so much he dropped the tile he was holding, breaking a few in the process. If he could have seen her face, smiling in pleasure at his reaction, he would have known she noticed.

Although he was, without a doubt, attracted to her, the fact that she was using her body like that annoyed him. It was not the first time a bored, Newport housewife had decided to flirt audaciously with him in order to amuse herself, and most of the time they were very blunt about what they wanted: a quick, no strings, easy, hot affair that their husbands would never find out about. He had thought there was more to Mrs. Carnahan after she had talked to him the first day, but obviously, he thought to himself, he was wrong. All she wanted to do was use him, too, and that was something Ryan Atwood would not allow…. _although it would be fun…._

When he arrived at work on Wednesday morning, knowing that he would be working outside on the custom cabinets, he assumed he would be distraction free, that Mrs. Carnahan would do her erotic cleaning dances inside while he could blissfully go back to thoughts that did not revolve around her enchanting body. Wrong….again.

As soon as he rounded the corner into the backyard, he almost dropped his tool box. There, on her knees and bent over, was Mrs. Carnahan working on her flower gardens, pulling weeds and planting new annuals for the late summer months and early fall. She wasn't in the sundress again, but compared to her outfit that day, the sundress looked like a habit for a nun. Today, to torment him she was wearing cut off daisy dukes, the shortest jean shorts he thought he had ever seen and a skin tight, black tube top that did not even come close to meeting the waist line of her very low rise shorts. Instead of listening to her ipod, she had the satellite radio going in the backyard and was singing along, quite badly and yet it was endearing. _Absolutely adorable_, he thought to himself before shaking his head to clear the distracting thoughts away.

Turning to him, she flashed him a large, happy, content smile. "I hope you don't mind the music. I hate working outside in the quiet, so I always listen, but if it bothers you…."

"It's fine," he said as fast as he could while swallowing thickly, his poor communication skills effortlessly failing him even more so than normal as he was confronted with the sight she made before him. Words had never been his forte, but as he looked at the barely dressed, gorgeous woman in front of him, English seemed like an utterly foreign language.

"Okay," she said over her shoulder as she turned back to continue her gardening, "but if it gets on your nerves….or my terrible, off key voice bothers you, let me know and I'll shut it off and suffer through the silence."

Returning her smile, he just nodded to her and went to work, stealing glances in her direction every time he could. Although she was still flaunting her body at him, he was confused as to what she wanted. While he had been positive the day before that she wanted him, now he thought that perhaps she just wanted some positive attention, an acknowledgement that she looked good and that taking care of herself had paid off. She even seemed to be making an effort to be nice and yet not talk to him too much because she thought it bothered him. Unfortunately, for Ryan though, he realized, once it was too late and he had scared her off, that he didn't mind her constant chatter and that he did want to know more about her. _He wanted to know everything about her._

Wednesday morning and afternoon passed by without a single, noteworthy occurrence. She would occasionally take breaks, go for drinks for the both of them and offer his to him without a word. The day was hot, so the cool refreshments, whether lemonade, iced tea, or water, were very much appreciated. Despite his initial qualms, Ryan knew that he was getting along with her in his own, silent, brooding way and the thought was somewhat frightening.

Thursday morning brought anticipation for Ryan as he wondered just exactly how he would be finding his boss dressed. He had to finish the rest of the cabinets that day, so he was afraid, since she had finished her planting the day before, that she would be back inside where he couldn't watch her to help pass the time. Moving into the backyard with a lazy grin already on his face, he didn't see her anywhere so he quietly, dejectedly went to work. As he turned his back, her voice startled him.

"There you are. I didn't hear you come in." When he turned around he saw her walking gracefully out of the pool, bikini clad. He did not speak, but she didn't seem to mind or notice and just continued on her own. "How was your ride up this morning? I hope traffic wasn't that bad."

"It was fine," he choked out before averting his eyes away from her afraid she would notice that he was quite forwardly staring.

Smiling at him, she moved to the pool vacuum as she continued to talk. "Good. There's nothing worse than starting your day in a traffic jam….or cleaning out a swimming pool." Laughing wryly, she explained further. "I don't know what it is about it, but I hate cleaning the pool. I put it off all the time, but it's hot out today, I have nothing else to really work on, and I don't want to harass you constantly….we both know how well that went before….so I decided to bite the bullet and just, literally, dive in.

_Ask me to help, ask me to help_, Ryan's mind chanted as she continued to talk even though he knew he would never offer his services or oblige her if she did ask. If he wanted to keep this professional, he could not cross that boundary, because, he knew, once he did, there would be no turning back.

"Normally I get my boys to help me with it. I'll sit at the edge of the pool and dip my feet in while I give them instructions on how to do it, but if I wait until they come home, I'll have a swamp and not a pool in my back yard by the end of August." As he continues to watch her as she talks about her kids, her smile fades off her face, she stops moving in the pool, and within a matter of seconds it looks as if she is about to cry.

Surprising himself, Ryan asked, "Are you alright?"

Plastering a fake smile on her face and wiping away the tears that had been forming, she went back to work and dismissed his concerns with a wave of her delicate hand. "I'm fine. Don't mind me; I'm just being overly sentimental. I just ….. miss them, you know?"

Wanting to comfort her, he spoke hesitantly. "I'm sure they miss you, too," and his efforts were rewarded when she smiled, this time genuinely, at him. She would probably never believe him, but he preferred this side of her personality, the honest, caring, emotionally available woman compared to the flirtatious, closed off, tease she had been the previous two days. It was obvious that she was still up to something, because the bikini was…._the hottest thing ever_….attractive when she could have cleaned the pool in a simple pair of shorts and a t-shirt, but secretly he was enjoying the view she made. His thoughts were interrupted when her voice, once again, filled the air.

"I'm sorry, I'm doing it again. I told myself I wouldn't bug you and here I am not shutting up and you probably want to get to work so you can get home at a decent hour."

"No, it's…." but that's as far as he got as she went under the water, almost as if she was afraid to hear his response. Neither of them spoke again for the rest of the day until they shared brief, self-conscious goodbyes.

So, here he was, pulling into her driveway on Friday morning, curious and eager to see what the day and Mrs. Carnahan's wardrobe choices had in store for him. He wasn't quite sure if it would be possible for her to reveal more of her body while still technically being dressed, but he was game for whatever she thought of. Whistling as he entered the house, he was back inside now to install the cabinets, he never even noticed that there was a car in the driveway that he had never seen before.

Marissa's plan for Friday was to not even get dressed, to parade around the house, leisurely, in her cutest, most innocent, tiny pair of pajamas that she owned, pajamas she had gone out the night before and searched South Coast Plaza for three hours after Ryan had left in order to find just the right pair. She hoped Ryan liked them, because he was the only guy who would ever see them.

Bounding down the stairs to brew some tea and make herself some breakfast, still wearing her normal, everyday, conservative pajamas, a baggy t-shirt and Capri sweatpants, Marissa practically ran into the one thing she did not expect, her husband.

"Wh….wha….what are you doing here," she finally managed to stutter out, the shock and surprise clearly written across her flawless face.

"What do you think I'm doing here? I live here, don't I," her husband asked annoyed with her for interrupting him. He was on the phone and had to cover it to reply back to her. Holding up his finger to signal that she had to wait until he was finished with his conversation to say anything further, he turned his back to her and she left him alone to muddle her way through the disaster zone that was now their kitchen…._her favorite room of the house now_…..to find what she had left the comfortable confines of her bed for in the first place, sustenance.

After voiding the idea of tea in favor of something handy and quick, she grabbed an orange juice, an English muffin with peanut butter, and a drinkable yogurt and made her way back up the stairs not even bothering to look to see if her husband was still on the phone; she knew he was. She ate her food, dejectedly, her plan now ruined, and went into her bathroom to shower. Emerging 15 minutes later, she threw on a loose tank top and a pair of track pants while tossing her still wet hair up in a sloppy bun and went back down stairs sans makeup. So depressed that her husband was home, she hadn't even bothered to wipe the tear stains off of her face from crying while she was getting dressed.

Settling into the couch, she flipped on the TV and put it on CNN, knowing that she could watch the fairly reliable news channel for hour upon hour. No matter what, she did not intend upon doing anything that day. Her husband finished with his phone call and joined her in the family room, sitting down on the chair furthest away from her and not even bothering to look at her, instead focusing on the large screen, plasma TV.

"The cabinets look nice," he said absently, to which she only nodded. "And the floors are wonderful, exactly what I wanted."

"As long as you're happy," she mumbled to herself, not even sure if he would hear her if she screamed it at the top of her lungs. They sat in silence for several, awkward moments before he stood up and went to leave. She didn't bother to follow him.

"I'm going to the office to catch up on work there, but I have another business trip that I have to leave for tonight, so I'll see you sometime in a couple of weeks. Tell the boys I say hi the next time you….," but before he could finish, he was interrupted.

"Mrs. Carnahan," Ryan called out loudly, oblivious to the extra person in the room, as he waltzed through the front door. "I'm here."

As soon as Ryan came face to face with the man in front of him, he stopped dead in his tracks. _How did he ever catch her,_ he thought sullenly as he felt jealousy start to eat away at him. Gerald was small in stature, not short but practically under developed. He had a pasty appearance to him, no doubt from spending all his time indoors in offices and boardrooms, and his dark hair was starting to recede. He had bland, hazel eyes and, to be frank, a forgettable face.

As soon as she heard him enter the house, Marissa jumped off the couch and joined her husband and her….Ryan….in the foyer.

"Who the hell are you, what are you doing in my house, and how do you know my wife" Gerry's voice rang out testily. He did not like it when people interrupted him even if it was unintentional.

Taken aback by the man's rude behavior, Ryan was instantly set on edge and knew he would not like Mr. Carnahan, his boss. "You hired me to remodel your kitchen," he said with a slight hint of disdain in his voice.

"Oh, you're…..Marissa told me your name….what is it again?" Even though it appeared as if he was trying to remember the name, Marissa knew him well enough to know that he was just putting on a front, that he really didn't care what Ryan's name was, and that it was all for his reputation's sake. After all, he couldn't let those who worked for him not respect him.

"God, Gerry," Marissa exploded, "are you that selfish that you can't even remember a man's name that you chose yourself to do work for us! How rude can you get? His name is R….Mr. Atwood!" She refused to let Gerry know or use Ryan's first name.

Gerry turned and glared at Marissa before confronting Ryan again. "Sorry about that….great work by the way. The kitchen is really coming along nicely."

"Thanks," was all Ryan offered in return. The man might have not said or done anything physical to his wife, but he knew that look he had given her; he had seen it before from other men to their wives and it always meant the same thing. They were abusive. The thought of someone hitting or even yelling at her made his skin crawl. Marissa seemed to pick up on this, because she sent him a pleading look, begging him with her eyes not to say or do anything they both would come to regret. He did as she wished.

"So, do you have your next job lined up after this one," Gerry continued to interrogate him, as if his sudden interest in Ryan's career meant anything to him.

Answering honestly, Ryan said, "not yet, but I normally don't until closer to the end of the project so that I don't have to postpone the starting date of the next one if the job runs over."

This was her chance, Marissa thought, so she moved forward, standing slightly closer to Ryan than she was her husband. "So if no one wants you at the moment……to work for them, that means you're free and I want you….to do some more work….for me." She turns to her husband to check with him. "I thought perhaps he could redo my bathroom. It needs some updating, and you know bathrooms are important to a home's retail value, Gerry."

"Do whatever you want," he, once again, dismissed her. "I'm running late, so I have to go." Fiddling with his phone, he didn't even bother to look up at either Ryan or Marissa when he said goodbye. "It was nice meeting you……and I'll see you around, Marissa." With that, he left.

"I'm sorry about that….about how Gerry treated you. It's just….I don't want you to think that I feel the same way that he does, that you don't matter, because that's not true…..I…uh….," she stumbled, unsure of how to finish her statement, but luckily he didn't need her to.

"It's fine," Ryan consoled, leading her back towards the family room. "Come on. Why don't we sit down for a minute? No offense, but you don't look like you've had the best morning."

Sitting, Marissa laughed, "it's that obvious?" He went to protest, but she cut him off. "No, it's alright, I was upset earlier, and when I cry my face gets puffy and my eyes get red, but I'm okay now."

They sat in awkward silence for a moment, Ryan unsure if he should push her to explain why she was upset and Marissa unsure if he wanted her to tell him. Finally, she decided to just let it go and focus on making the day the best she could. After all, Gerry was leaving for another two weeks; that was definitely something to celebrate.

"So, about my bathroom, do you mind remodeling it for me," she asked. "I don't want to be pushy, but I hate it. Not that I don't love what you're doing in the kitchen, it's gorgeous, but that was Gerry's idea. I've wanted my bathroom remodeled since he moved out of my room and into his own. It's just too masculine. I want a peaceful, soft, soothing oasis, someplace I can escape to after a stressful day or a fight and just calm down."

Standing up, Ryan went to move to the kitchen, his mind completely void of thought as it kept repeating one line over and over again that Marissa had said, _since he moved out of my room and into his own, since he moved out of my room and into his own, since he moved out of my room and into his own…. _He only snapped out of his stupor when he realized Marissa was not following him. Turning around to face her, he smiled and went back to stand in front of her, offering his hand to help her up from her sitting position.

"Aren't you coming with me," he teased. "If we're going to remodel this bathroom, I'm going to have to hear everything you want and in exact detail."

"You don't mind," she asked timidly. "I know the last time I talked to you I annoyed you."

Making her giggle, a sound that was magical to his ears, he said, "I was being an ass." Finally she conceded, and as she put her hand in his and looked up into his eyes, he could see the simple trust behind them. _What am I doing_, he silently chided himself, his conscious kicking in only to be ignored, for even after she was standing, he never let go of her hand. Holding onto it gently, he led her into the kitchen and continued to tease her. "And if you're really nice to me," he joked, "I just might take you up on the offer for lunch I so stupidly turned down on Monday."

"Well," Marissa played along, all the sorrow vanishing from her eyes as they spoke, "only if you help. You see I might be a decent cook, but I can't do anything on the grill."

"I'm your man then," Ryan agreed, not even realizing what he said.

_You're my man_, his words echoed through Marissa's mind. Only his voice broke through that pleasant thought.

"Now, tell me about this dream bathroom….."

It had been a nearly perfect Friday for both Ryan and Marissa once they were left alone. He worked on installing the cabinets, while she talked to him about what she wanted done to her bathroom, even going so far as to pull out her laptop and get online, sitting amongst the rubble of the kitchen and not caring if she got dirty, to search for pictures to help explain what she wanted. Her childish enthusiasm was a delight for Ryan to watch, and he just seemed to egg her on by asking more and more questions about her ideas. She seemed to just like someone taking an interest in what she had to say.

Taking a break at 12:00, Ryan grilled chicken breasts and the vegetables Marissa had cut up and seasoned for them. They sat outside under an umbrella eating and talking, actually enjoying each other's company. He still insisted upon calling her Mrs. Carnahan, but she decided to not push the issue and let it go. Maybe eventually…she thought.

After they finished their lunch, he went back to work and she begged leave, claiming she had a very important errand to run. She wasn't lying, she did have someplace she wanted to go, but it was a spur of the moment, impulsive idea. Deciding they needed dessert, Marissa drove the few miles it took to go to her favorite, little, family owned ice cream parlor and bought several different kids of homemade ice cream for she and Ryan. Not knowing what kind he liked, she just guessed, figuring that she'd eat it eventually. When it came to ice cream, she wasn't too picky.

Pulling into her driveway, she took the bags of ice cream and made a mad dash for the house. She had gone as fast as she could on her way home, but, like it had been all week, it was hot, and the ice cream was already starting to melt. Not paying attention to where she was going, she ran smack dab into Ryan who flew out of the house at a dangerous clip.

"I'm sorry," he said stopping dead still to make sure she was alright and to help her pick up the bags he had, inadvertently, made her drop by running into her.

"Where are you going," she queried, confused. "Are you done for the day?"

"I….um…," he struggled, clearly upset. "There was a phone call…..Q…..she somehow got out and……there was a truck…."

"Wait, Ryan," she took hold of his hands and pulled him away from the bags of ice cream, their treat already forgotten in her mind. "Slow down. Who's Q?"

"My dog," he replied while edging his way towards his truck, but she wouldn't let him. Pushing him gently towards her SUV, she opened the door and ushered for him to get inside. He just stared at her confused.

"Do you really think I'd let you drive when you're this upset." Going to protest, she cut him off effortlessly. "Ryan, shut up, get in the car, and I'll drive you." Nodding to signal he agreed, she rounded the front of the vehicle, climbed in, and within seconds they were flying down the road on their way to a Long Beach Veterinary office as the forgotten ice cream melted into a sticky path down the driveway.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Marissa was in no man's land, having no idea how she was supposed to approach this situation. How did Ryan deal with stress or fear? Did he want her to talk to him; did he need her to offer to listen to his thoughts? Did he need some sort of distraction, perhaps music, or did he rely upon physical support and needed someone to just hold his hand or rub his back to show that they cared. This was utterly foreign territory to her, and, strangely enough, she found it exhilarating.

She felt alive, as if she were actually living a normal life with normal people who had normal everyday doubts and problems instead of the forced, unnatural existence Newport Beach was somehow operating under. She decided to just trust her instincts when it came to Ryan.

Looking over at him, he appeared to be lost in thought, and knowing that he had not always been a fan of her incessant rambling, she decided just to remain quiet. Music did not seem to be his emotional release, for the only time he ever seemed to listen to it was when she had it on. Something told her that he was someone who took comfort in the physical, the tangible, but he had also made it quite clear that they weren't even friends, so comforting him through touch was out of the question. Sighing, she realized that until he spoke up and asked for her to do something, it was safer for her to do nothing. Perhaps just being there would be enough to show that she cared and that he was not alone.

The ride went quickly as they arrived in Long Beach in less than a half an hour. Wordlessly, Ryan showed Marissa where to turn in order to arrive at their destination. She could have sworn that he was out of the door running towards the entrance before the vehicle had even come to a complete stop. Hurrying herself, she locked up the car and sprinted into the vet's office.

Entering the building, the first sensation Marissa was confronted with the silence of the waiting room, a silence she found eerily familar to her life. Not wanting to deal with that, she went to the front desk to speak with the receptionist.

"Excuse me," Marissa pondered quietly, using a respectably soft and reverent voice. "Can you tell me where Ryan Atwood went?"

"He went back in the back with the vet to discuss Q's condition," the nurse answered. It was obvious from the way she spoke that Ryan and his dog Q were regular customers. Unable to hide her curiosity, she inquired into Marissa's relationship with Ryan. "How do know Ryan," the receptionist asked. "Are you friends…..or something?"

Puzzled as to how she should answer that, Marissa just stared off into space a moment before collecting herself and answering as honestly as she could. "We're acquaintances….through his work, sometimes on friendly terms and sometimes not so friendly." The answer seemed to just confuse the secretary even more, but Marissa refused to explain her cryptic answer, and even if she wanted to, she was not sure if she could. Deciding that it was just safer to change the subject, she scanned the room for something to distract them. As her eyes landed on dog food, she had her answer.

"I was wondering if you'd be able to help me organize a sort of care package for Q, something I can take home with me this evening, once she's out of surgery, so that I have the proper things at my house to take care of her."

With just a nod of her head, the receptionist stood from her desk and began to collect packets of dog food, special treats, and anything else she could sucker Marissa into buying, something that was not that hard of a task, and wondered the whole time why Q would be going to her house and not Ryan's. When they finished, she helped Marissa carry the bags of supplies out to the woman's car and became even more confused when she saw it was a luxury SUV. Breaking her thoughts as she tried to figure out the mystery that had landed in her lap, Marissa spoke up again.

"What exactly happened with Q? Do you know?"

"All I know is what the man told me over the phone while he was bringing her in," the receptionist explained. "He said that he had found her lying in the middle of the road obviously hit and it appeared to have been a truck, because it was the only vehicle in sight when he spotted Q. After picking her up, he walked back to his house and car and saw that the gate to Ryan's backyard had not been latched and that's how she got out."

With a nod of her head to signify that she understood what she had been told and to thank the other woman for sharing it with her, Marissa locked her vehicle back up and the two made their way back inside. She went to sit in a chair in the waiting room dreading the silence while the receptionist went back to work at the front desk.

Ryan emerged from the back of the vet office a half hour later to find Marissa blinding turning the pages of an out of date Time Magazine. He wasn't even sure if she saw anything inside of the magazine; it appeared as if she was just depending upon the motion to keep herself sane. It surprised him that she appeared to be upset about the accident herself, especially when he had expected her to leave him there to catch a taxi home and head back to Newport Beach without a word. Driving him there would have been her good dead for the day, and because that was accomplished, she would skip out as quickly as possible. Obviously, he was wrong, and the fact that he doubted her made him feel guilty. _Perhaps she genuinely did care_, he let himself think briefly before shaking the thought off and sitting down in the chair beside her, an act, which in itself he could tell from the look on her face, had shocked Marissa.

Whispering so as he was the only one who could hear, Marissa turned to him with concern written plainly across her face, "how is she?"

"Well, it could have been worse," Ryan explained as Marissa nodded for him to go on, signifying that she was interested and listening. "The damage seems to be focused on right side of the front of her body. Her leg there was broken in several places; that's what they're operating on. Plus, there seems to be some damage to her right eye. The doctor is not sure if she'll regain full use of it and, in fact, she could be blind in it for life. Other than that, she's just pretty bruised and sore and will be for a while."

"What can I do to help," Marissa offered. "Are you hungry? Is there a friend or a family member you want me to call for you? You name it; I'll try to do it."

Surprising Marissa, Ryan actually laughed softly. "I really don't think I could eat right now, and as for friends, you pretty much nailed it on the head when you surmised that I didn't have too many of them. Q's basically it."

"Well she doesn't talk much, so that makes sense," Marissa teased, thankful for the less intense moment they were sharing. "I was going to stay and then take you back to my place so you could pick up your truck, but if you want me to leave…."

"No, you can stay," Ryan said quickly, eager to not be alone while he waited for the surgery to be over. "I mean, will you…please stay."

Nodding and smiling at him, Marissa assured Ryan that she would do as he asked and remain with him until Q was allowed to go home. Silence over took the room again for a few moments while Marissa went back to attacking the magazine she was utterly disinterested in and Ryan stared off into space. Finally, unable to take the solitude and the nagging thoughts that came with it, Ryan broke the peace and startled Marissa with his request.

"Would you just talk to me….please," he practically begged. "This quiet is driving me insane."

"You and me both," Marissa admitted. "What do you want me to talk about?"

He was relieved that she didn't make a big deal of his request, that she did not tease him about backing down on his stance on keeping their communication at a minimum or about the fact that he was showing weakness. "I really don't care," he said in response to her question. "I just need noise."

Shaking her head, Marissa was quiet a moment while she thought of something to talk about. "I was all alone when I had my second son," she started wistfully, a smile already playing on her lips as she thought back to that fateful afternoon. "My kids are close in age, less than two years apart, so when I went into labor with my second son, it was an interesting trip to the hospital."

She looked over at Ryan to see if he was even interested in what she was saying, and when it appeared as if he was hanging on to her every word, she smiled contentedly and continued.

"My son Garrett was just a year and a half, and I was three weeks past my due date. We were on our way to get some groceries, mainly baby supplies, because he was still in diapers and eating baby food and that stuff seems to disappear before you even get it home from the store. Gerry was out of town on business, of course, and his parents mainly live in Europe now so they weren't here to help me. I'm not close with my family, especially my mother, so when I went into labor at the grocery store, I just continued to shop, determined that my house would be completely stocked of supplies so I would not have to worry about shopping for anything when I got home from the hospital."

At this point, Ryan interrupted her. "Are you telling me that you were pushing around a cart and having contractions at the same time," he asked amazed.

Giggling, Marissa replied back, "oh, it gets worse." He rolled his eyes, enough of a signal for her to continue. "I finished shopping; all the while the contractions were getting stronger and coming closer together. The cashier could tell I was in pain and asked if I was alright, but I waved her off telling her they were false labor pains. It took a while for my first son to be born, so I figured I had plenty of time. I drove home, unloaded the car, put the groceries away, and even put a load of laundry in before I packed a bag not only for myself but for Garrett and the new baby and left for the hospital. Five minutes after pulling out of my driveway, my water broke."

"While you were driving," Ryan sputtered out amazed. "Did you pull over?"

"Are you kidding me," Marissa laughed. "At that point that would have been like admitting defeat. I was so stubborn. If no one cared enough to be there in case I went into labor, then no one was going to get to know when I did. We made it to the hospital in one piece, but my car needed some mechanical work done afterwards from all the sudden stops and starts I made. Whenever a contraction hit, whatever pedal I was on got pounded."

"Once you got to the hospital," Ryan asked fascinated by the story, "did you call anyone then?"

"No," she responded, laughing at the memory herself. "I took Garrett with his diaper bag and supplies to the daycare center and explained my situation and then checked myself in. Less than an hour later, Cooper, my son, was born."

"Cooper," he reflected on the name, "I like it. Did you get it from a book or was it just something you thought of?"

"It was actually my maiden name. He was supposed to be named after an ancestor of Gerry's family, but I decided that if Gerry was too busy to be there when I went into labor, then he didn't get the right to name our son. Cooper is so like me, too, so the name fits well. He's his Mama's little boy."

"And I'm sure he'll love that in a few years," Ryan teased her, enjoying the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her kids and finally feeling as if he had broken through all her layers of protection and found the real Marissa. "Would you tell me more about your kids," he asked tentatively. "I mean, if you don't mind….."

"Mind," she mocked him. "You obviously don't associate with too many mothers, because if you did, you'd know our favorite thing to do is talk about our kids." Pondering for a moment as to what she should share with him, she finally started talking again after a few comfortable silent moments. "Okay, how about this. When the boys were little, both toddlers, they used to love to make mud pies. Every time it would rain, which doesn't happen all that often in Newport so it was always a treat, we would go outside and play in the dirt all day and make mud pies. I'd let them use my cookie cutters and rolling pins, whatever utensils they claimed we needed. I didn't care if I had to buy new ones; it was too much fun not to do. We would dry them after they were finished, and when they were dry, we would paint them and I'd use them as decorations outside in the garden. The boys loved that. One day I had to run inside to answer a phone call, and because there was a fence and we didn't have the pool yet, I left the boys alone. Cooper decided that he wanted to give his Dad one so he went into the garage and put a nice, wet pie on the driver's seat of Gerry's brand new Porsche. It was a damp, chilly day, and the pie never dried. I never found out about it, and the next day when Gerry got home from his business trip, he got in the car, never looked at his seat, and drove off to work sitting on a nice big piece of dark brown, wet mud. Let's just say he had a very interesting meeting." As Ryan started laughing at her tale, he noticed that the mirth left her face as she went to finish it. "He was not too happy with me when he came home that night and demanded that I never let the boys play in the mud again. I just agreed and then let them anyway, but before we made mud pies from then on, I always made sure the garage was locked first."

Ryan could sense the change in her mood, and he knew that the scene she was remembering was not as innocent as she was relating, but, although they had somehow bridged the gap that he had been adamant about having and seemingly had somehow become friends, he was not prepared to get that personally involved in her life, so he let it go. However, he would be watching her to make sure that nothing serious happened, that her husband did not hurt her, because that he could not sit back and let happen. Instead of asking her about what Gerry had done to her, he merely continued talking about happy things. "I'd like to see some of these masterpieces," he offered with a chuckle. "You know, I'm quite the judge of handiwork and crafts."

Pushing on his arm playfully, not even aware of what she was doing, Marissa laughed along with him. "It's a date then." Before they even had a chance to become awkward with her each other due to her words which rang innocently with innuendo, the vet stepped out into the main room and called Ryan's name, motioning for him to walk into the back. Ryan stood up and made it to the door before he realized that Marissa was not following him.

"Marissa, are you coming," he asked her bluntly, not even aware that he had stopped calling her Mrs. Carnahan in favor of a more familiar term, but Marissa noticed and was touched that not only had he given up his formal stance with her but that he wanted her by his side when he went to get his dog. Smiling up at him and not saying a word, she went to stand by him and they continued into the back together.

Their ride back to Newport saw the return of the awkwardness between them. Actually, if Marissa was honest with herself, it started while they had been talking to the vet, but why she did not know. Glancing over at Ryan, she noticed that he seemed tense, angry, and annoyed.

She had insisted that he drive them back to her house so that she could look after Q, claiming that she needed a woman's gentle touch and a mother to care for her. He had just rolled his eyes at her but said nothing, knowing that he wouldn't have won the argument anyway. So now, here they were, Ryan driving, Q sound asleep, and Marissa on edge fearing she had said or done something wrong to put Ryan in this foul mood. Not able to take unknowing any longer, she decided to ask him point blank.

"Ryan, what's wrong? Did I do something I shouldn't have? Did I say something to make you mad," she questioned in a soft, timid voice.

"It's nothing," he said brusquely, making her wince at how cold his voice sounded and feel as if he had, just like everyone else in her life, dismissed her.

"Fine, if you didn't want to talk to me, you just had to say so! Stupid me thought we had gotten past this ridiculous personal distance rule you have for yourself so that you don't get too close to anyone, but I guess I was obviously wrong!"

"Marissa, it's not like that," Ryan sighed dejectedly, already knowing that her hurt was weakening him and making him want to tell her. "It's just…..it's personal."

"Of course it is, and the stories I shared with you today weren't personal at all, just like the stories I've been telling you since the day I met you haven't been personal," she shot back defensively and with a bit of ire creeping into her voice.

"I just….feel guilty," he admitted softly, not even sure if he spoke loud enough for her to hear, but he had, and his admission shut her up immediately as she pondered what he meant. When she didn't respond, he looked over to her and noticed her confusion. "It's my fault Q got hit," he elaborated. "If I hadn't been so distracted this morning, then I wouldn't have not remembered to lock up the gate, and if I had locked up the gate, she would have never have gotten out and she would have never have gotten hit. End of story."

At first she didn't know what to say, but she knew she had to say something to at least attempt to comfort him. "Ryan," she started hesitantly, "it was a mistake. Everyone makes them, and do you really think that Q would want you to blame yourself. She seems like a pretty rational, intelligent, level-headed dog, apparently not taking after her owner, and I'm sure she would not want you to beat yourself up over this." Ryan snorted and rolled his eyes at her comment, but she noticed that he could not keep a straight face and so she continued. "I'm sure whatever you were thinking about was important, too, otherwise you would not have been distracted. It was probably work related."

"You have no idea," he mumbled miserably, puzzling her, but she continued anyway.

"Besides, I have an idea." Excitedly, she turned around in her seat so she was facing him, her expression childlike in innocence. "Since you'll be working for a while on the house, why not bring Q with you everyday. I could look after her while she's recuperating, and if you're still working on the house once she's feeling better, she can keep me company so I leave you alone. I have that big yard that's just going to waste, and I'm sure she'd love to play around in the pool. What do you say," Marissa cajoled.

"I guess that could work," Ryan considered carefully, "but are you sure, because I wouldn't want to put you out or force this upon you."

"Ryan," Marissa admonished him, "I was the one who suggested it and wanted to do this in the first place. I think you can tell that I'm pretty lonely, and it would be nice to have another girl around the house even if it's not a permanent arrangement. Besides, I doubt you'd want to leave her alone all day while you were working."

"I don't."

"You see," she persisted, "this plan has no flaws, and speaking of terrific plans, I have two more."

"Great," he said with mock enthusiasm, earning himself another jab in the ribs, "can't wait to hear what else you've come up with.

"In case you can't tell, I'm ignoring you," she teased back. "Okay, so first of all, I've been thinking about your schedule, and it seems to me that since there's quite a bit of work I'd like done…."

"I thought it was just the kitchen and the bathroom," he asked, confused.

"Yeah, I've changed my mind, there's much more that needs remodeled, but anyway, I digress. You might as well work Saturdays, too. I could watch Q for you, you could get more work done, I'd pay you double time because you're working on the weekend," _and that way I'd only be alone of Sundays and I'd be able to see you more often_, she added silently. "I think it would be a win-win situation for both of us," Marissa finished.

"I'll think about it," Ryan conceded. "Now, what's this third plan you have?"

"I think that since both you and Q had a rough, stressful day, you should stay for dinner. I'll order some take out for us, I bought Q some food and treats at the Vet's office, and we can argue over this Saturday idea. What do you say?"

"Marissa," Ryan began. She could hear the hesitance in his voice. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I mean, whatever happened to keeping this professional?"

"I think we're well passed professional, Ryan," she said gently, not wanting to scare him off, "but if you're still wary of being friends with me, think of it as doing me a favor. I do not want to eat alone again. Do you know how long it has been since I ate dinner with someone?" He just looked at her out of the corner of his eye totally clueless as to the answer to her question. "It was over a month ago, the night before my boys left for camp, and I'm sick and tired of it! I want….no, I need, some company, and, at this point, you're the closet thing I have to a real friend, and if that reason is not good enough for you, think about it as a business dinner while we discuss the things I want done to the house."

"Alright," he agreed after a moment's thought," Q and I will stay and have dinner with you."

"Suit yourself," she said playfully, turning up the volume slightly on the radio and laughing to herself, "but if you could be quiet for one moment and quit yapping my ear off, I'd like to listen to this song."

Surprising himself, Ryan laughed at her innocent joke at her own expense with her and enjoyed, again, listening to her sing, out of tune, along with the song playing softly on the radio as they entered Newport Beach and steadily made their way back to her home on the hill over looking the Pacific Ocean.

An hour after they got back to her house, Marissa entered the kitchen to see Ryan finishing up. He had insisted that he clean up his mess from the day, and although he had wanted to continue working and get done what he hadn't accomplished, she pulled rank, she had said, and he wasn't allowed to work on her home this late; she didn't want him to.

"Q is blissfully unaware and passed out on my couch, the take out has been ordered, and I set out some old college sweats of my Dad's that I kept all these years in the back of my closet for sentimental reasons so you can shower and change out of those dirty clothes," she summarized for him.

"You let Q, my golden retriever who sheds terribly and has a major drooling problem, sleep on your white, no doubt, expensive couch," Ryan interrogated her with an amused look on his face, completely stunned by this woman's utter lack of concern for any of her material possessions and need to care for his dog.

"I do own a vacuum," she dismissed his concerns, "and I also have raised two rambunctious sons with those white couches and they're still standing. Besides, I drool probably just as much as Q does, but enough talking, man I can't get you to shut up now that you've started," she ribbed and he laughed at her light mood, "you smell and there's a hot shower calling your name. It might actually help you relax a little bit." Pushing him by the shoulders, she shoved him towards the stairs and shouted directions up after him as to where he could find the guest bathroom.

Smiling after his retreating figure, she went back to the living room and checked on Q once more before finding the house phone and pulling out the menu to her favorite Chinese restaurant. She ordered all her favorites and then some traditional staples, unsure of what Ryan would like and cursing herself for not asking him before he got in the shower. _I could always just go up there and try not to peak while I ask him what he wants,_ she thought to herself, but physically shaking her head to rid her mind of those thoughts, she chastised herself for her inappropriate behavior. Pulling out a bucket, soap, and scrubbing brush, she went outside to clean up the mess the melted ice cream had left on her driveway.

After dinner and getting Ryan to agree to the Saturday hours, Marissa had insisted that he stay and keep her company. He agreed quite easily. They had spent their evening in relative comfort with each other, Marissa sharing more stories of her children, and Ryan even speaking of his own childhood a little bit as certain memories related to the tales she shared of her sons. No matter what they discussed or what he asked, she somehow avoided her childhood and family all together except for one innocent remark about how she had given Cooper the name of her father's dog, another golden retriever, as his middle name, Dustin. The revelation made it easier for Ryan to understand why she was so adamant about helping Q.

Before he knew it dusk had settled over Orange County and faded into night. By the time either of them became aware of how late it was, they were both yawning and exhausted, the clock quickly approaching midnight. Marissa had insisted that he could stay there in one of her guest rooms, but he had declined. Leaving her and Q alone, he had retreated the kitchen to gather his thoughts and load his truck with his tools to go home for the evening.

He would never tell her, but the idea of staying with her, even if in a guest room, had been too appealing for Ryan and it had scared him. He knew he was beginning to care for her, that she was definitely more than his boss to him, and although he knew she felt the same way, he had no idea what to do with those feelings.

Taking his time so that he could think as much as possible before he'd have to confront her again, he was gone loading his truck for almost fifteen minutes. When he came back to the living room, he found Marissa sound asleep on the couch and that Q had repositioned herself so that she was lying on Marissa's legs, her head resting on her lap. If Ryan did not know better, he would have sworn his dog was purposely trying to get him to stay there. Bending down so that he was close to Marissa's ear, he spoke softly.

"Marissa….Marissa," he said her name in an attempt to rouse her. When she didn't move or say a word, he raised his hand and gently, with slightly shaking fingers, touched her cheek causing her to stir. "I guess I'll stay. I don't want to move Q right now," he told her. "Where do you want me to sleep?"

"Just sleep with Mommy, Cooper," she said obviously in a dream. Laughing to himself, Ryan pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and covered her up, making sure to tuck the blanket in snuggly so she would not get cold and enjoying the feeling of his hands on her body, of being so close to her, of taking care of her. Standing up, he went to make sure the doors were all locked before turning off the lights, finding another blanket, and settling down on the couch opposite of Marissa and Q for the night. He did not fall asleep right away though, and spent quite a while just watching her steady, relaxed, peaceful breathing as it lulled him into a relaxed state. Finally, when he did fall asleep, it was the first night that week he found any serenity.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Stretching her long limbs luxuriously, Marissa smiled to herself when she realized that, yet again, she was not waking up alone. She couldn't even remember exactly how it had happened, but one thing had led to another, and here they were, curled up together in Marissa's bed.

"Are you ready to get up girl," Marissa asked the still healing golden retriever beside her. The excited yip was enough of an answer that Marissa climbed out of bed and went around to the other side to pick up her sleeping companion, thus beginning their new morning routine.

At first, Ryan had commuted back and forth with Q, driving to work with her and then going home at night, again, with her in the passenger side of the truck, but the sudden stops and starts, jerks and jabs that were unavoidable no matter how carefully he drove were rough on her ailing body, so it had been decided, by Marissa after some serious coaxing, that she would remain in Newport with her and she would take care of her until she was healed.

Now two weeks after the accident, the kitchen was finished, right on schedule, and Ryan was completing the last step in there that Friday, installing the new appliances. Once he finished with that, they were going to finalize her plans for her bathroom remodel.

The first thing she and Q did every morning was go outside. She would gently put the dog down outside so she could go to the bathroom while she went to the front yard to retrieve the newspaper and, as she teased the dog, give her some privacy. Coffee preparation while Q ate her breakfast followed, and Marissa would then make breakfast for her and Ryan after relocating the injured pooch into the living room and positioning her on her favorite chair. She would eat her breakfast in the living room, watch over and keep Q company, and then go and shower after Ryan arrived. While she was getting ready for the day, he would eat the breakfast she prepared for him and sit with Q until she returned.

It was strange how easily they fell into a routine, a system….._a partnership_, Marissa liked to think of it. _This was how a marriage was supposed to work_, she found herself musing often. _The husband and wife worked together, had equal responsibilities, and shared their lives. _

Throughout the day while Ryan would work on the kitchen, Marissa would do her chores, laundry, cleaning, yard work, errands, but no matter what, they always stopped what they were doing to eat lunch together and just….talk about their lives. Following lunch, they'd go back to their respective chores, and whenever Marissa was finished she would join him in the kitchen, sporadically leaving to check on a slumbering Q, to research finishes online, chat with him, or merely just sit there so she wasn't alone. Her favorite moments with him were when she caught him smiling at her and laughing to her stories about her sons or when she noticed that he wanted her to be with him, when her company was not only tolerated but sought.

After his initial reluctance the first night, it was always an easy task to convince him to stay for dinner. Sometimes they would cook together on the grill, other times, when they were both rather tired, they would just order in. On particularly hot nights they would go swimming, but Marissa made sure that she wore her most conservative suits. She was no longer just attracted to him; she liked him, and she was no longer just intrigued by him; she was captivated, and she did not want to make it seem as if she wanted to use him for anything. Other nights found them watching movies, playing cards, or simply sitting and talking with each other.

Even though he spent six out of his seven days there, he never stayed the night again after that first time. On some level, despite the fact that Marissa knew it was unreasonable and that she was over-reacting, she felt as if she was not attractive enough for him, that he was just, without a doubt, not interested in her at beyond a simple, uncomplicated, no strings attached friendship. If only she knew the truth….

Ryan felt as if he couldn't breathe. Being this close to her and having to push aside everything he was feeling and attempt to deny what simply looking at her did to him physically and emotionally was slowly driving him insane. Somewhere along the way the woman who he, granted, had been attracted to but who also drove him crazy with her incessant ramblings and questionable motivations now all of a sudden consumed him.

Sleeping was nearly impossible. From the very first night when he had to go running to sooth his raging mind, he had only added more miles onto his arduous journey, sometimes not stumbling into bed until the early morning hours. Even then though, he sometimes could not sleep as pictures of her, tiny snapshots of her face, of her body, scenes where she would accidentally brush up against him or let go of all her reservations and past pain and just….be herself were constantly dancing across his waking dreams and sleeping fantasies.

She was never more beautiful to him than when she talked about her sons, Garrett and Cooper, and without even realizing it, he couldn't wait to meet them. He wanted to get to know her children and could picture them playing in her backyard with Q when she was better. If Ryan's mind had been functioning rationally, he would have realized his feelings went beyond friendship, but he couldn't analyze anything.

When he was with her his mind was focused upon keeping up the façade that they were just friends, and when he was alone with her only in his mind he was focused upon thoughts, feelings, and actions that screamed of the fact that their platonic relationship was anything but that….at least for him. He had no idea how she felt.

Sitting in her living, his plate from the breakfast he had no recollection of eating on his lap, evidence that he was at least functioning properly on autopilot, Ryan raised his weary eyes to his dog.

"What am I going to do," his voice rang out confused and dejected. "You have no idea how much I'd rather trade you places right now, Q, even with your bum leg, busted eye, and bruised body. Hell, it's not like I haven't had two out of three of those plenty of times in the past."

Unfortunately for Ryan, his dog did not even raise her head to look at him; she just snored on, lost to the world. Despite his lack of a captive audience or perhaps because of it, Ryan just continued talking to himself, attempting to arrange his thoughts out loud.

"I wonder what she's up to; she's been gone a while," Ryan questioned pacing about the room, plate still in hand. "Do you think we should go and look for…."

Cutting him off and making him turn a deep red, his ears practically on fire, Marissa spoke up.

"Look for what," she asked innocently, curious as to what Ryan was so worked up about. As soon as her voice sounded in the room, Q's head snapped up and she started wagging her tail. Laughing, Marissa made her way to her. "Hey there girl, was Ryan boring you to death with brooding stares, angry glances, and the occasional word that resembles a grunt?" Turning towards him, she raised a teasing eyebrow. "Talking to your dog now, Atwood, and what would the guys say about that?"

"Um….yeah….the, um, thingy, you know……yeah, I'm going to go and look for it now," Ryan spit out, stumbling all over his own words and not making a bit of sense. As soon as he moved away from her, he took a deep breath and sighed inaudibly. Without another word, he silently left the living room, returned his plate to kitchen sink to be washed, and made his way outside to get the non-existent…..thingy.

He did not have to look back inside for he knew that Marissa was laughing at his strange behavior and talking to Q herself, despite the fact that she had just teased him about it, but she would have been shocked to see Ryan.

Pacing across her front yard like a madman, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his hands balled up in frustrated fists inside of his front jeans' pocket, and his chest rising and falling rapidly due to the adrenaline coursing through his body.

_She looked amazing_, he thought to himself as his mind raced back to the newest picture of Marissa stored in his memory. Fresh faced, her hair was up and off of her neck, the day too humid and sticky for her long locks to cover her delicate skin. Her dress was long and loose, flowing, light and crisp, a soft, pale green which tied at her shoulders, the straps thin and meeting in a slightly plunging neckline, obviously revealing the necessity of wearing the outfit without a bra, tantalizing Ryan, teasing his senses.

Taking a couple deep breaths, he laughed at himself before walking back into the house knowing that it was going to be a long day and eagerly anticipating every agonizing millisecond of it.

Standing in Marissa's bathroom, Ryan was busy making notes as to things she pointed out that she did not like and marking down her wish list for the space.

"Basically what I hate the most about the room is that it's so dark," she told him as she ambled around the generous lavatory, running her graceful hand over the fixtures and treatments that would soon be removed. "I want it to be airy, fresh, inviting….an oasis."

"That doesn't help me too much Marissa," Ryan teased her. "I need to know specifics, things like what building materials you want to use, do you want a single or double shower, soaking tub or Jacuzzi…."

"Antique claw foot," she yelled out excitedly, spinning around to face him and clapping her hands together. "That is one thing I do know that I want." Moving to sit down on the ledge of the pre-existing tub, she slid to the floor and crossed her legs before patting the space beside her indicating that Ryan should join her. "Sit with me. I don't need a crick in my neck looking up at you."

Smirking, he rearranged himself on the ground not quite as gracefully as she did. "Well now you know how it felt for me when you waltzed into the kitchen last week in those four inches heels. Talk about intimidating!"

"Aw," she teased him, nudging his shoulder with her own before lowering her lashes over her eyes and peeking at him through the corners, "but the end result of the look was worth a little bit of a bruised ego wasn't it?"

"Oh, hell yeah," he agreed emphatically, literally shocking Marissa into silence. She had not expected him to say anything. Normally when she attempted to flirt playfully with him, he just laughed her comment off and moved on to less dangerous areas of conversation. So surprised, her eyes flew up to meet his, the silent acknowledgment of his compliment and a wordless signal of gratitude for it were exchanged before Ryan cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So anyway," he began unsure of himself, "you want a claw foot tub."

Feeling as if she had embarrassed him enough for one afternoon, she left the moment of open attraction behind her and leapt right back into the discussion on the remodel of her bathroom. "Not just any claw foot tub," she dismissed his statement. "I want an antique one with the original fixtures." Before he could reply, she continued on in an excited manor. "We could use it as the whole inspiration for the room. I tend to like antiques, so we could find old dressers, refinish them, and then use them as vanities for the sinks. We could find old, Victorian light fixtures, too, make the bathroom look as period as possible while still modern in function and practicality. What do you think?"

"I think," Ryan began, a smile erupting on his face and illuminating it, "I think you're going to have to go shopping this weekend."

"What do you mean I have to go shopping," Marissa pondered out loud, puzzled. "Why can't we both go together? I'm going to need someone to carry everything for me."

"Glad to see why you really want me around," he shot back at her, his light tone making it obvious he did not really think that.

"No, I'm serious," she said honestly, "I want you to come with me. I bet you're good with the dealers…."

"Dealers," he asked, "I thought you were going shopping for a tub, dresses, and light fixtures not coke?"

"I'm going to flea markets and antique stores, hence the dealer reference," she mocked with a roll of her eyes. "You'll be able to tell me when they're gauging the prices and what products are of better quality."

"You'll do fine on your own," Ryan dismissed her concerns. "I'll stay here and start on the demolition while you shop till you drop."

"Fine." Standing up, Marissa moved towards the door that would take her back into her room so they could go back downstairs. "I'm hungry, so I'm going to go cook dinner and check on Q. See you downstairs." And with that, she left him sitting there fairly bewildered by her cold behavior and completely blind to the mischievous look upon her face.

"What the hell," Ryan groaned as he rolled over in bed and saw that his alarm clock read 4:30 AM. He had not fallen asleep after his nightly dose of Marissa torture until three. Climbing out of bed, only in his boxers, hair askew and sticking up from tossing and turning, he made his way to the front door only to throw it open carelessly to reveal Marissa standing regally in front of the a glowing horizon. Without a hair out of place, she breezed into his house, uninvited, and made her way to his kitchen.

"Go and get dressed and I'll make us a pot of coffee. You do have a thermos so we can take it to go, right," she asked making herself at home and looking as if she belonged in his kitchen.

_Wish she did,_ he couldn't help but think to himself before shaking off his irrational dream and answering her question as he went off in search of clothes, raising his voice so she could hear him through the little bungalow.

"Try the cabinet above the stove." The house was quiet for a moment, well except for Marissa's soft humming, but, breaking the silence, Ryan yelled out, "What are you doing here, and why do I have to get dressed? It's still pretty early."

Although he had raised his voice, it sounded muffled to Marissa so she crept down his hall and stopped outside of the door she could hear him moving around the inside of.

"You don't have to yell any longer. I'm right here," she explained, having no idea that her close proximity was sending Ryan's imagination into overdrive. She was, after all, practically in his bedroom. "We're going to flea markets first; that's why we're leaving so early," Marissa explained. "Afterwards we'll go and check out local antique shops, and if you even try to argue with me, go ahead and go to my house to try and work. I changed the code for the security system. You'd be arrested within five minutes for breaking and entering."

He laughed silently so she couldn't hear him before replying. "You really don't take no for answer, do you?"

"Not when it's something I really want," she shot back at him, her voice void of any humor or playfulness. Ryan knew that tone and what she said was laced with innuendos only he could understand.

It took him a few minutes to get his body under control, but once he did, he finished getting dressed and called out for her telling her it was safe to come in, his voice slightly shaky.

"I'll be just a second," he said as he made his way towards his bathroom. "I just need to shave quickly and brush my teeth. You can sit down, and then this way we can talk while I'm in the bathroom." Pausing only briefly, he then remembers something important that was bothering him. "Where's Q?"

"She's out in my car, sleeping soundly." Just as he went to protest, she continued talking, cutting him off. "Don't worry. Last night while I was planning this little stroke of genius, I came up with a way she can be with us the whole time we walk around the market and be comfortable at the same time."

"So that's why you were so quiet during dinner, you were plotting this?" Laughing at her as the smirk on her face was enough of an answer, he went back into the bathroom and started shaving, peeking through the mirror every few seconds to watch her.

She seemed perfectly content in his house. He thought perhaps she would seem out of place and be awkward; it wasn't quite up to Newport standards, but she seemed more relaxed in his home than she did in her own, something he found rather interesting. As he looked at his reflection he was shocked to see a smile on his face that was apparently, he noticed after attempting to break it, there to stay and that he was not tired at all. Her presence alone seemed to provide him with energy.

"Are you about done in there," she called out for him. Flopping down on his bed, she took his pillow in her arms and hugged it to her. "I swear you're worse than my mother sometimes and that's saying a lot. Let's go! The dealers aren't going to care if you shave for them, and I have floss in my purse in the car. I'll drive and you can clean your teeth."

"That won't be necessary," he surprised her by saying when he exited the bathroom unannounced. "I'm ready. Now let's go get that coffee. I'll treat us to breakfast there."

"Help," she pleaded with big eyes and pouting lips, holding her hands out for him to pull her up off the bed. Smiling, he obliged, and surprised himself when he held onto her hand as he pulled her out of his room, through the hall, and into the kitchen, only letting go when he had to fill the thermos.

He noticed she was yawning while he poured out the coffee so he spoke up. "I'll drive; you can get a little bit of sleep while we're on our way there. I assume you want to head up to Pasadena and go to the Rose Bowl?"

"Sounds perfect," Marissa agreed as she stifled another yawn. With nothing else said between them, they left the house together at 4:50, climbed into her luxury SUV, and headed north.

Several light fixtures, one dresser, antique door pulls, three homemade quilts all over 150 years old, and an adorable tea set later, Ryan and Marissa were headed north again out of Pasadena to an antique store he knew of on the coast two hours past LA. Marissa was happily eating away at homemade fudge she had purchased at the flea market, occasionally feeding pieces to Ryan as he drove when he asked for one. Q was asleep after sleeping the entire time they were at the Rose Bowl. Marissa thought it was because of her medication; Ryan knew it was because his dog was lazy.

"You know," Ryan teased her, "we are going to have to stop somewhere and get something to eat other than candy. You're going to get sick, what after that ridiculously big donut you had me buy you earlier and now this, I don't know how you can eat all that junk food."

"Listen to you, Mr. I only eat healthy things," she shot back pulling her fingers which held the piece of fudge she was about to give him away from his mouth. "I do believe that you've had your fair share of this, too."

"Yeah, but I also ate fruit this morning for breakfast and not an overstuffed maple cream stick." Glancing over at her he could only laugh when he saw her pop another piece of fudge in her mouth before twisting around in her seat to look for something. "What are you looking for?"

"I usually keep snacks back here for the kids somewhere, and I doubt your zombie of a dog woke up long enough this morning when I was in your house to find them and eat them all. Aha, found them!" Plopping back down in her chair, she revealed her stash of food, goldfish and fun fruits. "Lunch has been served."

Rolling his eyes, Ryan just reached across the console and picked up a packet of goldfish only to have them taken out of his hands, opened, and put back in.

"I don't need you wrecking while you try to open the crackers instead of just asking for my help. Poor Q has been through enough. I don't think she deserves to be injured again."

"Are you kidding me," Ryan made fun of her, "like she'd go anywhere? You have her strapped into that stroller so tightly, I'm surprised she's comfortable enough to sleep." And that's what Marissa had used, a double stroller she had pushed her close in age sons around in when they were babies. The divider had been removed and Q could sprawl across the entire expanse, resting her injured leg while Marissa pushed her around the market.

"Very funny, smart ass," she fought back, her tone playful, "the whole stroller could get tossed around back there, and that would hurt her, so there!"

Ryan went to eat his crackers, thinking that they were entering a loll in the conversation, but he was wrong.

"What does Q's name stand for," Marissa asked curiously, the mock anger she was trying to force a minute earlier completely forgotten.

"Nothing," he answered. "She's just Q, you know like Q from the James Bond movies."

"Oooohhhh," she drew out her exclamation, making it evident that she had something rather cheeky to say, "does that mean you're a fan of Bond Girls?"

Conveniently, she finished her question just as Ryan came to a stop at a light. Turning to her and looking her squarely in the eye, he threw caution to the wind and decided to just see where this could head. "That depends," he said with a smirk, letting her notice that he was running his eyes up and down her body, "is that an offer?"

Marissa didn't say anything, but the pleasant blush and excited spark in her eyes that he saw before turning back to the light and driving off were enough to let him know that if he wanted her to be one, she was willing.

By 4:00 Ryan and Marissa were both exhausted but their trip had been a success. The SUV was loaded to the max with all they could take back with them, several dressers, enough light fixtures for the entire house, and several other things she did not need for the bathroom remodel but liked anyway so she bought them. They had found a tub, and it was going to be delivered Monday morning. Now they just had a two and half hour drive back to Newport and the sleep they both were anticipating fondly, but things were not going to go according to plan.

They were in a suburb, driving by a small park filled with mothers and their children when Ryan looked over and saw Marissa silently crying, attempting, unsuccessfully to wipe away the tears that were flowing rapidly down her face. Unable to take the site of her hurting like that, he pulled the car over, put it in park, unbuckled his seat belt and turned to her. Without a word, she fell into his ready, waiting arms, and he just held her for a moment and let her cry on his shoulder. Once she seemed to be calming down, Ryan leaned down to whisper his concerns to her.

"Hey, what's wrong," he inquired gently, not wanting to upset her again but also needing to know why she was crying. "I thought we had a good day together, that we had fun?"

She pulled away from him. Ryan was shocked by how he immediately felt empty, but ignoring his own feelings, he focused all of his attentions upon her. With red rimmed eyes, she looked up at him and spoke so softly he could barely hear her. Knowing she needed strength, he reached out and took her hand, confidently this time, and held it in his own, soothingly rubbing gentle circles into it.

"No, it was a good day," she quickly said eager to dismiss any of his doubts about the time they had spent together. "In fact, it has been one of the best days of my life, but it's just……"

"You can tell me, Marissa," he encouraged her, "you can tell me anything. I won't judge you."

Smiling and wiping away the tear tracks on her face with her free hand, she nodded her head before she spoke up again. "When we drove past all those mothers and their kids, it just hit me, that's all, how much I miss my boys. I haven't seen them in almost two months and I only get to talk to them for ten minute each a week." Starting to cry again as she talked, she let go of Ryan and buried her face in her hands. "I need to see my kids; I can't do this, be away from them this long. It's just too hard!"

Ryan was pissed. He knew she was a good mom, that she loved her kids, but he did not know that her devotion to them went this far. Cursing her husband for tearing them away from her for three months, he threw her car into drive and spun out of the side of the road, surprising Marissa when she felt him do a U-turn.

"Where…..where are we going," she asked out loud while all the while choking back her sobs.

"We're going on a road trip," Ryan answered, turning briefly to look at her and once again taking her hand in his. "We're going to see your boys."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Hey, what are you thinking about," Ryan asked tentatively as he gently reached a hand across the bed they were both lying on and tucking a loose strand of Marissa's hair behind her ear.

Although they had driven straight through the early evening hours and reached their destination, it had been too late to go and see the boys then. Plus, knowing that Marissa would want to spend a whole day with them and not just a few hours, Ryan had suggested sleeping over in a hotel for the night and then going to see her sons the first thing in the morning. She had had no objections.

While Ryan checked them into their room and ordered dinner from a local pizza parlor that was open late and delivered, Marissa went down to the store in the hotel and found toiletries for the both of them the next day. They'd have to wear their same clothes from that day, but neither minded the little sacrifice.

Now, lying on their sides, hands placed carefully under their faces, folded together, they stared across the empty space of the bed between them, blue eyes connected, unblinking, Ryan's fingers straying to her face as he let them graze her silky, soft skin, her one hand coming up to take his and hold it against her face.

"Just thinking about tomorrow," she sighed, the contentment evident in her voice. "There are so many things we can do with them, and they're going to love Q." At the mention of the dog's name, Marissa let her eyes move away from Ryan's, briefly, to check, once again, upon the slumbering golden retriever, completely sprawled out on the second bed in the room.

"She'll be thrilled; she loves kids," Ryan explained. "I have to be careful about when I take her to the beach or the park, because if there are kids there, she'll never leave voluntarily."

They were silent again, satisfied with just watching the other breathe. The comfort they felt in just being in the others company astonishing. Marissa noticed how tired Ryan looked, his face worn and his eyes heavy.

Startling him, she broke the silence, her hand leaving his and traveling to his own face, tenderly caressing his brow, pushing back the locks of sandy blonde hair colliding with his lashes. "When was the last time you had a good night's rest? You look utterly exhausted."

"It's been a while," Ryan admitted. He had to continue when he saw her confused expression. "I've just had a lot on my mind lately, can't relax enough to fall asleep."

"You're going to sleep tonight. I don't care what I have to do," Marissa determinedly stated while sitting up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom. "I'm going to go and take a shower. Why don't you get comfortable while I'm gone, turn off the lights and get under the covers. I'll be quiet, and if you're not asleep by the time I'm done in the shower, I'll talk to you so much, I'll bore you to sleep." With that she left Ryan with his thoughts…..and visions.

He did as he was told, changed out of his clothes and laid back down in the bed with just his boxers on, turned off the lights, and attempted to go to sleep, even going so far as to shut his eyes, but that was no help. As soon as he closed his eyes it was as if his other senses took over and he could hear the water from her shower so clearly and practically smell the shampoo and soap she was using to cleanse her supple body. Pictures of her naked flashed through his mind, teasing him and making it impossible to relax, thoughts of taking off his last article of clothing and joining her tantalizing him. At the same time, her shower seemed to last forever while ending in what felt like a matter of seconds.

His erotic visions of her nude and washing herself were then replaced by imagining her toweling off, standing in the middle of the steam filled room with just a small, white towel to cover her gorgeous body. Minutes later he heard her emerge from the bathroom and felt the bed shift when she got into her side, but he did not move or say a thing to let her know that he was still awake. Apparently, he didn't have to.

"Ryan," Marissa said giggling, "did you even try to fall asleep? What is it that you can't stop thinking about? Is something wrong?"

Sighing, he flipped over so that he was facing her and almost fell out of the bed when he saw that she had nothing on but the complimentary terry cloth robe which was tied loosely around her slender waist and hanging open slightly to reveal a generous glimpse of her ample cleavage. "I'm…..um…..yeah."

Rolling her eyes but smiling at the same time at his innocence and adorable sense of embarrassment, she bit her lip while thinking about her next move. Throwing caution to the wind, she motioned to her lap. "Come on, scoot over here and lay down." Although wide eyed, Ryan listened and repositioned himself so that he was where she wanted him. "When my boys can't sleep, I do this," she explained, closing his eyes for him and soothingly running her long, calming fingers through his hair. "It seems to help them unwind."

And so it did. Within minutes, Ryan's breathing had become tranquil, his body relaxed, and he was asleep. Chuckling to herself, Marissa reached over to the bedside table, turned off the lamp, bathing the room in darkness, and slid down underneath the covers careful to not disturb the slumbering Ryan.

_This is not good_, Ryan said to himself as he glanced between the two women in the room with him, one placating and condescending, the other livid and provoked.

"Mrs. Carnahan," the director of the summer camp said in an attempt to reason with her, "this is highly unusual. There are procedures you are supposed to go through, proper steps to be taken if you want to see your kids or need them released from the program for a day. I know that a rules packet was sent out to all the parents, too."

"First of all, would you please stop calling me Mrs. Carnahan; it's Marissa, and secondly, I don't think you understand when I tell you that I want to see my kids and I am going to see my kids. You have no say about it."

Before Marissa could continue, Ryan stepped in. "Ma'am, please would you just listen to us. I understand that there are rules in place for a reason and that this is an inconvenience to you because your camp runs on a tight, strict schedule, but we would not be here if it was not important. This, sending Garrett and Cooper here to this camp, was not Marissa's choice; it was her husband's….."

"Exactly, it was her husband's choice, and he agreed to our rules," the camp counselor interrupted Ryan. "Mr. Atwood I really don't see how any of this is of your business, why you are here with Mrs. Carnahan, or how you fit into this situation, and, to be frank, what you have to say or think does not matter to me."

Marissa could not take this one more second. Simply gripping the armrests of the chair she was sitting in no longer had the ability to keep her temper in check, so, jumping up, she leaned against the desk of the woman in front of her, moved her face close to her adversary's, and whispered, her voice eerily calm.

"If my sons are not here within five minutes, I am calling the cops and strapping this facility with the largest lawsuit possible. Now get me my kids."

Her threats worked, and Ryan found himself exactly five minutes later standing outside by Marissa's car watching on as she embraced her sons, smiles and laughter filling the air. It was amazing to watch her with them, to see her love for her children written so plainly across her face…_if only she'd look at me the same way_….and to see the adoration the two little boys felt for their mother took his breath away.

Garrett, her nine year old, intelligent, quiet son was more reserved than his outgoing, bubbly, giggling eight year old counterpart, Cooper. Although he had seen their pictures around the house, it was nothing like seeing them in person, and he was confused as to whom Garrett looked like. He had green eyes, something neither of his parents had, and brown hair with a definite auburn tint to it. _Must take after a distant relative_, Ryan thought to himself.

Now Cooper on the other hand, there was no questioning who he looked like. Other than the darker hair, he was the spitting image of his mother, blue eyes, little button nose, plump lips, high cheek bones, and even a similar build. It appeared as if the name choice had been a perfect fit.

After what seemed like mere seconds to Ryan but in all actuality had been several minutes, Marissa stood up from her perched spot on the ground, took her sons by the hand, and walked towards Ryan, her smile only becoming larger as she saw him stand up straight and fidget with his clothes, a nervous grin plastered on his face.

"Ryan Atwood, I would like you to meet the two most important men in my life, Garrett and Cooper Carnahan. Boys, this is my friend Ryan," Marissa introduced, startling Ryan when she winked at him.

Putting his hand out for Ryan to shake, Cooper was the first to speak up. "Hello Mr. Atwood. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Keeping a straight face at the boy's formal greeting, Ryan shook his hand and replied in an equally serious manner. "It's nice to meet you, too, Cooper, but please, call me Ryan." Turning to Garrett, he put his hand out to him as well. "I've been looking forward to meeting the both of you now for a while."

Hesitantly and not until his Mom pushed on his shoulder softly did Garrett put his hand out to meet Ryan's, but once he did he smiled up at him. "Hi," the shy little boy said as he met the older man's eyes, a silent word being shared between them that nothing else was needed.

"Hi Garrett," Ryan returned before letting go of his hand and turning towards the SUV. "Alright, is everyone ready to go?"

"You'll have to squeeze in," Marissa told them as she opened up the backdoor on the passenger side and revealed the vehicle filled to capacity. "Mommy went a little crazy yesterday when she was shopping."

Garrett and Cooper climbed agilely into the backseat, buckling up immediately, Ryan noticed as he checked up on them, as the two adults got into the front, Ryan driving, Marissa in the passenger seat. Starting the car up, they were not even on the road yet before Cooper was talking again.

"What's all this stuff for, Mommy," he asked curiously. "And why do you have the stroller with you?"

Marissa laughed at her son's questions, glowing in her children's presence. "All this stuff is for my bathroom. Ryan is remodeling it for me, and the stroller has a surprise in it."

As if on cue, as soon as Marissa mentioned the surprise, Q let out a bark, amazing both boys.

"That's Q," Marissa explained, "Ryan's dog. She was hit by a car a couple of weeks ago and got hurt, that's why she's in the stroller, but as soon as we get to the park, Ryan will take her out and you can play with her as long as you're gentle."

Glancing into the rearview mirror, he noticed that both boys were smiling, but Garrett looked to be in seventh heaven. Perhaps he felt Ryan watching him, for he looked up and met his eyes in the mirror, his smile only growing wider in proportion.

"Is it Q…from James Bond," Garrett asked excitedly to which Ryan nodded his head. "That is so cool! What kind of dog is she?"

"A golden retriever," Ryan answered.

From that point on Garrett was lost in thought only moving ever few moments to twist around and peer at the stroller hoping to catch a glimpse of the dog. While he was in his own little world, Marissa and Cooper rambled on, the younger boy sharing stories of camp with his Mom and Marissa telling him all about the remodel on the house.

Ryan knew that Marissa loved her sons equally, both unconditionally; there was never a doubt about that, but he could tell that she was closer to Cooper for the main fact that they seemed to relate to each other easily, that they understood each other, and that their personalities were so much alike. Oddly enough, Ryan did not feel as if Garrett reflected his father's personality, and, in fact, he felt that he would be able to identify with the child, that they were similar. Liking the thought that he might be able to be close with one of Marissa's sons, Ryan drove on to their first destination, the park, with a wide smile on his face.

The day had gone by quickly, too quickly for Marissa's taste, but time would not stand still no matter how she wished it would. They had gone to the park first so that the boys could play with Q as much as possible, all four of them lounging with the dog on the grass and talking animatedly. When the boys, inevitably, got bored with just talking to their Mom they ran off to the swings or got Ryan to pay different games with them. Just in the morning alone, they had played tag, soccer, shot baskets, and Ryan had pitched to them so they could show off their newly improved hitting skills from camp.

Marissa had planned that they would go out to lunch, but the boys did not want to leave the park claiming it was not fair to Q that they would get to eat and she wouldn't. In all actuality, they just wanted to play more and they knew that they could scarf down their food as quickly as possible in park but their Mom would make them behave in public.

Giving in without a fight, Marissa left the three boys and their chaperone, Q, to play while she went off to find lunch. Returning a half hour later, she had brought back sandwiches from a small-town deli, chips, pop, and lots of chocolate chip cookies, the boys' favorites.

After lunch, her two rambunctious boys surprised her by cuddling up to her sides and laying with her as they watched the clouds and made up stories about them, a favorite pastime Marissa had started when they were first learning to read and write.

As the boys bickered good-naturedly over what a particularly large cloud should be, Marissa let her eyes wander over to Ryan to find him watching her enthralled, respect and longing written clearly across his handsome face. The intensity of his gaze took her breath away.

She knew that he had talked to both Garrett and Cooper when she was gone, convinced them to do this for her, knowing that she needed to feel them close to her, needed to hold them. He knew her, already, better than anyone before in her lifetime, perhaps because she had never let anyone in as much.

Mouthing a silent thank you to him, she turned back to her boys and continued their game, but every once in a while, she would let her eyes go back to the man who was constantly on her mind, meeting his gaze with her own filled with need and want, realizing in that moment that they were reaching a point rather quickly where there would be no turning back and instead of putting on the brakes to slow down what was happening between them, she was determined to move full speed ahead.

After a while, the boys grew restless in her arms and she released them to play, moving herself closer to Ryan and resting her head on his shoulder as they silently watched the two children run around the park. The afternoon hours passed too quickly, and before they knew it, it was almost time for the boys to head back to camp. They wanted to be back for dinner and game night.

Surprising even Ryan, Marissa decided that they had to leave the park slightly early, that there was one more stop she wanted to make before the boys had to go back. Taking the keys from him, insisting that it had to be a surprise, she drove them to their destination in a matter of minutes only to be met with complaints.

"You've got to be kidding, Marissa," Ryan nagged, "the mall? Didn't we do enough shopping yesterday?"

"Mom," Cooper joined in, "we're not going to the store."

Garrett finished off the trio of complaints by just rolling his eyes, crossing his arms in protest, and pouting.

"We're not going shopping," Marissa clarified breezily with a toss of her hair and a flip of her hand. "It's a surprise. Now quit whining and get your tails in gear. We're on a tight schedule here."

With that she went off quickly towards the entrance of the mall while the three grumbling boys lagged behind.

"We're having our picture taken," Cooper asked his Mother incredulously.

"Yes, we are," she replied while tickling him softly and eliciting peals of laughter from the small boy. "Today has been too much fun, and someday when I'm old, feeble, and grey, I want to have a picture to remind me of it so I don't forget."

"Oh, so you mean now," Garrett teased his mother a smirk on his face. Ryan was surprised by how quick he was and impressed with his sense of humor and ability to make fun of his Mom.

Before Marissa could move to him to start his tickle torture, Ryan spoke up. "Just exactly how are we all going to fit in there, Marissa?"

"We'll make it work," she dismissed his concerns. "Since you're the biggest, why don't you go in first and sit down. I'll then come in and get situated, we'll call in Garrett, and then we'll squeeze Cooper in last since he's the smallest."

"Whatever you say," Ryan laughed as he went in and did as he was told, calling her name almost immediately.

Picking up the curtain and letting it fall back down after she stepped into the miniature photo booth, Marissa was struck by exactly how close her body was to Ryan's. Their eyes locked and before either of them could say or do anything, they were drawn to each other. His hands snaked around her waist, his rough fingers finding her smooth skin that was revealed between the waist of her jeans and the hemline of her simple t-shirt and teased as they rubbed softly against her. Drawing her body to his, she sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting her face slowly…..move…..in… towards…..his. Just as their foreheads grazed against each others, soft whimpers of pleasure and desire escaping Marissa's parted lips, an impatient voice sounded and snapped them out of their moment.

"Mom, can I come in yet," Garrett asked making Marissa snap her head around and let go of Ryan's neck disappointing him. Needing to compensate, he just pulled her into his body even tighter.

"Sure, honey, sorry," Marissa called out, and, within a matter of seconds, Garrett joined the gathering inside of the booth.

He was quickly arranged to stand in the seat next to Ryan and bend down so that his face was in the camera's viewpoint, and then Cooper joined them and kneeled onto the ground beside Marissa's legs.

The pictures were mainly humorous, silly faces and snapshots of all four of them giggling together out of their ridiculous arrangement, but the last picture, the picture that would become Marissa's favorite was of an entirely different nature. Thinking that there were only four pictures to be taken, Cooper and Garrett both jumped up and scrambled out of the booth as quickly as possible leaving the two adults to share another private moment. Turning around so she was facing him again, Marissa reached a hand up and placed it on Ryan's cheek, replacing her forehead back into his original position against his.

"Thank you for today," she whispered her voice barely loud enough for him to hear, her lips so close to his it felt as if he could feel the breeze their slight movement created. He just nodded and wrapped his arms around her drawing her body even closer to his yet again. While lost in each other, the camera snapped the last picture, forever capturing the moment when Ryan and Marissa both realized they were falling for the other.

It was late by the time they got back to Newport. Marissa had said that she would take Ryan home and then just continue on her own, but he had negated that idea instantly, claiming he would not be able to sleep knowing that she and Q were out at 2 AM driving together going home to dark and abandoned house. He'd stay over, something Marissa was not going to argue with, in a guest room and she could run him home in the morning to pick up his truck and tools.

The ride home itself had been quiet, each person lost in thought and fantasy imagining what was going to happen next between them. Instead of stopping and wasting time at a sit down restaurant, they had merely gone through a drive through. Occasionally they would talk briefly about the boys or the renovation, but they did not move past surface issues, too timid to be the first to speak about what was happening between them.

Once they arrived back at Marissa's house, she went right upstairs to her room to change into her pajamas eager to be out of the clothes she had been wearing for two days as Ryan, at his own insistence, checked the house over to make sure everything was safe. After changing, she sat down on the top of the steps and waited for him.

He approached her slowly, taking his time with each riser, his eyes never moving away from hers. Without a word, he pulled her up to stand next to him when he got to the top of the stairs. Taking his hand, she led him down the hall to a guest bedroom, her breathing slightly deeper and her heart rate pacing.

Just as she was about to turn and go back to her room, he grabbed her by the arm and spun her around, pushing her up against the door to his room crashing his body into hers. They didn't move, just stared at each other for a long moment enjoying the sensations coursing through their bodies as they felt the others desire for them. Slowly, agonizing slowly, Ryan lifted on of his hands to her mouth, gently tracing her lips with his finger tips. Unbidden, she opened them, taking his fingers into her mouth and greedily sucking on them until that was not enough to quell either of their thirsts for the others body.

Letting both of his hands fall to her hips, Ryan drew Marissa even closer into his body as he leaned in and took her mouth in his. At first their kiss was gentle, caring, timid, but the passion they felt for the other quickly took control. Over and over he hungrily tasted her, mingling their tongues together in an erotic dance of lust. Not satisfied by just standing there and kissing, their hands started to roam each others bodies, Ryan's hands running up her loose t-shirt she was wearing to bed and Marissa's going to the waistband of his pants. Just as she was about to unbutton them, Ryan pulled away breathless.

"Wait," he choked out while gasping for air, "we can't do this…..you can't do this."

And with that he left her there at first bewildered and then sobbing as he fled down the stairs in an attempt to get as far away from her as possible.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

It took Marissa a few minutes….._okay about twenty_….to calm down enough to go in search of Ryan. Knowing he wasn't upstairs, she skipped that portion of the house and crept down the stairs, finding the quiet of her home unnerving. At first she found it strange that he was no where to be found, but then she realized he was probably just outside, getting fresh air and calming down himself. She was wrong.

Walking back inside, thoroughly puzzled, she wandered aimlessly around the house until she found her way to the foyer. There taped up on the door was a note clearly in Ryan's cramped, jumpy handwriting. Plucking the small piece of paper off of the door, she read it out loud to herself, her voice echoing through the empty, sleeping house.

"Marissa, I couldn't stay. I took a cab home. I'll be at work in the morning, Ryan."

Balling the piece of paper up, she threw it aside frustrated. Suddenly her pain and anguish over the fact that he had pushed her away was forgotten as an undeniable and ridiculous sense of anger overtook her body. Grabbing her keys from the sideboard, she threw the front door open and ran to her car, not even bothering to change her clothes or put shoes on. She was too mad to think rationally.

It did not take her long to reach Long Beach, the roads void of traffic providing her with a clear route and her animosity towards Ryan providing her with a lead foot, combined together to make her trip there perhaps the fastest of her life. Pulling up to the curb in front of Ryan's small cottage, she was pleasantly surprised to see that his cab had just gotten there. Now, no matter what, she would get the confrontation she wanted; he could not ignore her if she challenged him in his front lawn.

Jumping out of the car, not bothering to lock it and completely oblivious to her state of undress still, she stalked her way towards an unsuspecting Ryan who stood by the driver's side of the cab paying the driver.

"What the hell was that," she shouted while pushing roughly against his arm, throwing him off balance in his unsuspecting stance. "YOU kiss ME and then run off saying that I can't do that! I want to know just exactly what I did wrong!"

Hands on hips, eyes blazing, hair blowing recklessly in the strong, summer breeze, Marissa was a force to be reckoned with. If Ryan would have been paying attention he would have noticed the cab driver snickering at him quietly from the safety of his car, but he was too focused upon the incensed woman in front of him. Blindly, he handed money to the driver, totally unaware of how much he was paying him and not caring. Satisfied with his large tip and not wanting to watch the inevitable blow out that was about to occur between his former passenger and the beautiful, crazed woman, the cabbie backed out of the driveway and made his way down the street.

Without a word, Ryan turned his back on Marissa and walked towards his front door, keys already in hand. Despite everything that had happened and the irritation he felt growing within himself, he could not help but notice the way she looked. With just the loose, old t-shirt on, sans bra, her firm, plump, round breasts had been very noticeable as her chest heaved when she yelled at him, the cool breeze of the ocean making her perky nipples stand out against the material of the shirt which just grazed the top of her thighs. The fact that he was so visibly attracted to her even when he was this annoyed seemed to just push his fury to a level where a confrontation between the two of them was inevitable.

"Ryan, don't you dare walk away from me," Marissa hissed coming, once again, to stand in front of him, pushing him over the edge.

Lowering his voice to whisper, his tone so cold Marissa realized she would have preferred he had screamed at her, he met her icy gaze and spoke rapidly. "I am not doing this at 3 AM on my front lawn where all the neighbors will hear everything we say! If we're doing this now, we're doing it inside!"

He walked ahead of her, surprised when she didn't fight back or argue with his demand that they go inside, and unlocked the door, moving aside so she could walk in first. Perhaps because he was tired, maybe he didn't want to draw any more unneeded attention to them, or it could have just been the fact that he wanted his environment to reflect his emotional mood at the moment, dark and foreboding, Ryan left the lights off when they entered the living room.

Almost as if they were opponents in a boxing match, Ryan and Marissa went to separate corners of the room and stood rigidly waiting for the other to speak. After a few seconds Marissa could not take the silence any longer. Unlike before when she attacked him verbally, her voice was softer, almost childlike in quality, and vulnerable.

"Why did you do that; why did you kiss me like that and then walk away from me," she asked him.

If Ryan had been able to see her eyes he would have known that she was utterly confused and believed that she had done something wrong, but he couldn't, and her voice, sounding so innocent, just seemed to exasperate him even more. "I don't know Marissa," she shot out accusingly, "why don't you tell me!"

"I don't know," she answered back, with each word her voice regaining some of its earlier resentment until she was once again screaming at him. "Maybe you realized you weren't that attracted to me after all, and if that was the case, sorry I don't look my best at two in the morning after a long, emotionally draining weekend. The next time you want to kiss me, why don't you warn me so I can make myself presentable so that I don't disgust you!"

"You have no idea, do you," he asked incredulously as the space between them began to melt away when he took a step closer to her letting his eyes, since she couldn't see them, roam her shadowed body. "God Marissa, that is so far from what's the matter here! Don't you get it? I want you all the time! I want you when you're dressed to the nines and trying to turn me on, I want you when you're totally oblivious to your looks, I want you when you're playing and laughing with your children, and I want you when you're in your baggy sweats and crying! I have never NOT wanted you!"

"And how am I supposed to know that," she snapped at him testily. "It's not as if you've ever said anything to me about it or tried anything before tonight!"

"It's called self-restraint; you might want to try it sometime." His sarcastic comment sent her into a tailspin of rage.

Stomping towards him, she pointed an accusatory finger into his chest, backing him up against the wall. "You DO NOT get to say that to me when I was not the one who kissed you!"

"Please, you were begging for it since the day I met you," Ryan dismissed her, suddenly regaining the power in the argument. Pushing himself off of the wall, he moved in closer to her their bodies only separated by a few inches and stared into her fiery sapphire irises. "This has nothing to do with attraction or lack thereof, and you should know that. This is about you!"

"Me," she asked incredulously backing away from him but he only followed her. "How exactly is this all about me?"

"Marissa, how could it not be about you? You're married for Christ's sake! I mean, what are we doing here? Am I the latest distraction for you to amuse yourself with while you're lonely and bored," he asked, the pain evident in his voice as he laughed self-deprecatingly at himself. "Sorry, but I'm not signing up to be anyone's fun on the side, not even yours!"

"I'm not a slut, Ryan," Marissa shrieked back at him, hurt that he would think and say those things about her and irate that he would presume such a thing. "I've never even thought of having an affair before, let alone wanted to. I did not set out for this to happen; it just did, and now here we are, and, I'm sorry, but I want this."

"This, this," Ryan taunted her, "what the hell is this; what the hell is going on here between us, Marissa?" When she didn't say anything, he just pressed on. "Tell me, Marissa, what is this, a distraction from your boring life, an experiment to see what it's like with someone from the other side of the tracks, or are you just out looking for a good time? What the hell is going on between us!"

Lowering her eyes from him, she whispered so softly he could not hear what she said, "I don't know."

"Speak up Marissa," Ryan ordered, "Either tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling or get the hell out of my house."

When she didn't speak up immediately, he turned away from her, crossing his arms in front of his chest out of frustration, and remained in that rigid position even after she started speaking, voice strong and determined, sure of herself and heartbreakingly honest.

"I don't know, Ryan. I've never felt this before, and I have no idea what it all means. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you. It's as if you took over my mind and completely eradicated every other rational thought I used to have. I wake up thinking about you. I think about you when I'm cleaning, cooking, talking to others, you're even in my thoughts when I'm physically with you in my dreams. Yes, I'll admit that at first I was just attracted to you. I was bored, you were there, and it was a rush for me to flirt with you and try to get a reaction; it was gratifying when you would notice me, but then something happened. This…us…we happened. You gave me a chance, listened to me, talked to me, let me comfort you when you were worried about Q, and then what you did for me yesterday, taking me to see my sons and spending the day with us, I will NEVER forget that. No one has ever done something like that for me, and I'm not willing to give that….this….you up. I have never wanted anything or anyone more in my life, and in this moment, right now, I don't care what the consequences are." Taking a step towards him and feeling emboldened when he did not walk away from her, she approached him, standing to his side, watching his face, and put one hand tentatively on his shoulder before speaking again. In a soft, pleading voice, she continued knowing that this was her one and only shot to convince him of how she felt. "I need you Ryan."

As the silence and tension refilled the air, Marissa slowly pulled her hand away from him. The fire and passion she had used to fuel her rage had long since vanished, and the emotion and feelings that had compelled her to open herself up to him and make herself vulnerable were painfully aware of the fact that he had yet to say anything and, in fact, refused to meet her eye. Unable to take his rejection a moment longer, she slipped outside of the door and ran towards her car as the tears she had held at bay until that moment fell down her exquisite face in loud, agonizing sobs.

Too lost in her own pain, she never heard the door open softly behind her or the quiet, husky, pained voice calling her name behind her.

"Marissa," Ryan gasped out, his breathing erratic and strained as he battled the emotions threatening to erupt within him, but she did not hear him and continued to move towards her car. Just as she went to open the driver's side door to climb in and disappear from his sight, he desperately called out for her again. "Marissa, please, wait."

She froze. Literally and figuratively, Marissa froze right where she was standing unsure if she had imagined that he had asked her to wait, that he had called out her name, that the tone had not been angry or hurt but desperate and longing and unsure of what she was to do about it. So instead of doing anything, she just stood there rooted by her SUV waiting for a sign from Ryan, waiting for him to do or say something else.

The fact that she did not just ignore him and completely walk out of his life by driving away was enough to bolster Ryan's confidence and he asked her again to wait. "Marissa…..just don't go….at least not yet, not like this, please."

"What, Ryan," Marissa yelled at him, her tears forgotten. "What else do you want me to say, want me to do? Was opening myself up and asking you to want to be with me, too, not good enough, was embarrassing myself by actually admitting how desperate I am for someone to care about me not enough to prove how much I care, was making myself vulnerable for you, something I've never done before, not a big enough sign that there is something powerful going on between us, huh Ryan, what the hell do you want from me!"

He went to say something but she was too irate to notice and just continued to shriek at the top of her lungs, oblivious to those who could see and hear them in the neighborhood.

"What, do you want me to beg, get down on my hand and knees, humiliate myself so that you can laugh in my face and tell me that you don't need me the way I need you, because I'm sorry Ryan, I can't do that!"

There was only one word that Ryan could think of, and he knew that he owed her more than that, that she deserved to hear something more than just, "Stay," but until he knew that she would at least hear him out, that was the only word he could utter. Surprising him, she didn't leave.

Although she did not say anything, she stood there, silently, and just waited for him to voice a reason why she should not turn her back on him forever.

"I need you, too," he whispered, the pleading quality of his voice vividly apparent. Taking another step closer to her, he spoke up again, his eyes begging her to listen, to believe what he was saying. "I want you to stay…..with me. I want this….I want us more than anything that I've ever wanted before in my life." Taking another step closer to her, he continued talking. "Marissa, please!"

Laughing, she strode across the grass quickly coming face to face with him, once again back to a screaming rage. "You think that that's enough for me? I made a fool out of myself for you, and you don't even apologize! Well, I'm sorry, Ryan, but…."

That was all she got to say before he cut her off by grabbing her forcefully and pulling her into his body, colliding his mouth with hers and forcing it open immediately so that he could take her tongue into his mouth and fuse their palates together as one. As soon as he touched her, she melted and collapsed into his arms, all the anger and frustration she had previously been feeling turning into a feverish desire and need.

Causing her to moan out in complaint, he pulled away from her long enough to pant out an apology. "I'm sorry," he acknowledged, his voice thick with passion.

Breathing heavy, Marissa shocked by Ryan by merely teasing him. "Ryan, just shut up and kiss me already." And that's exactly what he did.

Sliding his hands underneath the bottom of her t-shirt, he cupped her ass and pulled her up by it so that she had to wrap her long, slender, sexy legs around his torso, high enough so that she had to bend down to reach his mouth. He received a pleasant jolt when he felt that she was merely wearing a thin, silk thong underneath the shirt and leaving little to his imagination, making it extremely important that they move inside as soon as possible.

Stumbling blindly, refusing to take his eyes off of Marissa's as he kissed her, reveling in the way she was looking at him with every emotion clearly expressed in her shining irises for him and him alone, Ryan made his way into his house, kicking the door shut behind him, and proceeded into his bedroom.

His brain was too focused upon the sensations her kisses were evoking in him and at how aroused he was quickly becoming to realize that while he carried her into his bedroom she was making fast work of his clothes, un-tucking his t-shirt, un-buckling his belt, and unbuttoning his pants.

Reaching his bed, he laid her down softly on it, stopping momentarily to stare at her gorgeous face knowing that they were about to be as close as to people possibly could. Finally realizing that she had practically undressed him already, he finished the job and removed every last piece of his clothing.

Marissa couldn't help herself; she had to watch Ryan as he stripped off all of his clothes, savoring his body and making a mental note to herself to demand a real, long, slow, sensual strip from him sometime in the future. _Obviously this will not be a one time thing,_ Marissa thought to herself, letting a little giggle escape her swollen lips. _And, I guess, it would only be fair if I returned the favor._ Before any other 'plans' could be made, Ryan's naked body enveloped Marissa's and all rational thought was lost for the night.

Neither of them were patient. After the sexually charged day they had shared and the combustible fight they had just ended with what they both now considered the best kiss of their lives, they needed to be with each other immediately. They could not waste their time with foreplay or teasing, tender embraces.

Wanting to be naked as well so that she could feel Ryan's skin pressed up against her own, Marissa rolled their bodies so that she was on top of Ryan, straddling his waist. Without breaking the intense lip lock their were sharing, she pulled her own shirt off and pushed his back down against the bed so that she could lay on top of him, pressing her now nude, exposed breasts into his taunt, muscular, tanned chest. It only seemed to arouse Ryan even more, and her thong was recklessly taken off and strewn across the room.

Startling her, Ryan's voice broke through the desire clouding Marissa's mind. "Are you sure about this," he asked tenderly, of all things, needing to be positive that this was what she wanted and that she had no doubts.

To answer him, Marissa did something more forward than she had ever even considered doing before in her life, but, for some reason, with Ryan she was not embarrassed or bashful in bed. Grasping his hardness in her hand, she guided it to her core and slid her own body down on top of it before lowering the rest of herself down on top of him so that her lips were tickling his.

Taking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting it softly, she spoke in a husky whisper never letting her eyes stray from the man's she wanted. "Make love to me, Ryan….. please."

That was all he needed. As soon as those words left her mouth, he began to move inside of her slowly at first but within a matter of minutes neither of them could restrain themselves and the weeks of pent up passion exploded into one wild, hard, steamy round of sex.

While their bodies still rocked together moving perfectly in time with the others, Ryan attempted to switch their position, to regain the top, but, surprising him, Marissa would not let him move, holding him in place with her legs.

Close to orgasm, Marissa sat up abandoning Ryan's lips so that her screams and moans could escape the confines of her mouth, and even though he missed the intimate contact, being able to watch her enjoy herself was mesmerizing. Letting his hands stray to her breasts, he cupped them and massaged them while her hands ran through her hair, her head thrown back in ecstasy. Her breathing was labored, chest heaving, mouth panting, calling out his name ever few seconds in a guttural, low cry. Never had Ryan seen something so amazingly feminine or beautiful.

It did not take long for them both to climax, Marissa first, throwing Ryan into shockwaves of pleasure as he joined her. Collapsing onto his chest, Marissa smiled lazily and left sizzling trails of kisses all along his neck and collar bone, occasionally nipping softly at the skin while Ryan wound his hands through her long, slightly damp, blonde tresses massaging the base of her neck gently. They just held each others naked bodies, Ryan still inside Marissa, while they both regained their breath.

Mind flooded with contentment, eyes closed enjoying the sensation of Marissa in his arms….._finally_….the first thing Ryan was aware of after he had come down from the high of his orgasm was the feeling of Marissa gently moving her body against his, instantly reigniting his passion for her.

"Look who's up again," she whispered in his ear before moving her lips down to a particularly sensitive part of his neck and sucking on it.

Confused, Ryan said, "I wasn't sleeping."

"Who said I was talking about you, per say," she shot back without a blink of an eye before taking his mouth in a leisurely, erotic kiss and ending it way to early for Ryan's taste. "You know," she continued playfully, letting her hands find their way to his abdomen to lightly trace his happy tail with the tips of her fingers, "I've not had enough of you yet, not even close, but this time," she moved her hands back up to his mouth, letting him take two of them and suck on them playfully, "this time we're going to go really, really slowly."

Before she knew what was happening, Ryan flipped them over so that he was on top of her. Pulling out of her warmth and eliciting a moan of complaint from Marissa, he reached over to his bedside and flipped on a lap illuminating the room in a soft glow.

"Slow and so I can see you," he added before blanketing her body with his again.

They began playfully that time, letting their hands and eyes explore each others body. There was no rush. As far as they were concerned they had all the time in the world to be with each other. Their initial, base, animalistic need for the other had been met, and replacing the frenzied, hard pace of their first bout of love making was a soft and sensual coupling.

Falling asleep in each others arms, their desire satiated for the time being, their bodies entwined so tightly it appeared as if they were one, and their minds, hearts, and souls content for the first time since they had seen the other, they faded from reality and met in their dreams just as the sun broke through the horizon, dappling the lovers in a soft, golden haze of warmth as stray beams of sunlight sifted through the open window, only partially covered by a thin sheer, as the new day ushered in a new relationship for the peacefully slumbering couple.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Marissa was the first to wake up that morning…..afternoon, and if asked, she would swear that there was a smile on her face the second her eyes fluttered open. Perhaps her body could just sense where she was before she was even conscious.

She had never slept like this before, never woke up in a man's arms like this. With Gerry sex had always been cold, a chore, something she was expected to do because she was his. It was not something they shared or something that was mutually agreed upon and enjoyed. She was there to serve a purpose, provide him with heirs, and once that was accomplished, physically she was no longer needed. But it was different with Ryan; she was not just giving to him, they were sharing with each other.

Smiling to herself, she watched Ryan sleep. Facing him, their legs wrapped together so that their bodies were as close as they could be, her eyes focused upon the rise and fall of his chest with every breath that he took. With his arms wrapped snuggly around her, pulling her to him, the rest of her body was cocooned up against his, her head tucked under his chin so that she rested against his chest. Lying like this in his arms made her feel wanted, protected, cared for.

Remembering his exhaustion the night they spent together in the hotel, she carefully crawled out of his arms to let him sleep as late as possible while she made them something to eat. They had completely missed breakfast, and lunch would pass them by sooner rather than later, so she would just make whatever appealed in Ryan's kitchen. He stirred momentarily when she got out of the bed but snuggled down into the comforter and easily went back to sleep.

Not wanting to put on the clothes she had been wearing for two days, one because they were dirty and two because she wanted to be comfortable, she pulled upon the drawer she had seen Ryan pull clothes out of Friday morning and helped herself to a pair of his boxers and a wife beater, hoping he wouldn't mind. Going into the bathroom, she shut the door behind her softly as she went to take a shower and brush her teeth.

Twenty minutes later she emerged, freshly groomed, clean, and ready to start the day. Laughing to herself, she went over to the bedside and picked up the two hastily discarded condom wrappers from the night before, threw them away, and noticed…._okay snooped in Ryan's bedside drawer…_that he was almost out of them and that the box was looking a little old She knew she was being irrational and possessive with no right, but she liked the idea that it had obviously been a while since he had been with a woman and that what they had done together the night before was not something he did often. Making a mental note to pick up a couple of boxes on their way back to Newport that afternoon, Marissa made her way towards the door of the room to go to the kitchen but stopped dead in her tracks when a ray of sun caught her left hand and reflected tiny beams of light off of her wedding rings.

Glancing down at them it only took her a moment to make a decision that she should have made years before. Sliding the rings off of her finger, she found her purse and dropped them inside soundlessly. Laughing to herself she finally made her way out of the room as she quietly let her thoughts escape her lips. "Perhaps I'll find a use for them after all these years," and with that she disappeared around the door totally oblivious to the supposedly sleeping man who watched her every move with a smile on his face.

A half and hour later she reappeared in Ryan's bedroom as quietly as she left with tray in hand loaded down with food for both she and Ryan, but before they could eat she thought that she had to wake him up. Sitting the tray down, she watched his back for a few seconds before making a hasty decision. Stripping off his clothes she had just put on, she crept delicately to the side of the bed he was facing, lifted up the covers, and crawled in beside him as closely as she could without disturbing him.

"Ryan," her baby soft voice cooed into his ear as she left a gentle path of kisses across his now stubble covered jaw line, "it's time to wake up. You need to eat; I cooked."

When he still didn't move or say anything, she smirked to herself before moving her mouth to his and taking his bottom lip between hers and tugging on it gently. Before she knew what was happening, Ryan's arms snuck around her waist and pulled her body to his while he flipped them over so that her back was on the bed and he was hovering over her.

"Good afternoon to you, too," Ryan teased her not only with his voice but his lips as well as he barely let them tickle her own before pulling them away. "You know, it was not very nice to wake up without you here with me."

"Yeah, well, I was hungry," she complained, widening her eyes and pouting her mouth to look innocent. "I needed to refuel, and besides, I wanted to take a shower, too."

"You do smell nice," he said as he trailed his tongue down her neck until he reached the hollow between her clavicle bones where he dipped his tongue in and sucked tenderly on the skin. "Taste pretty damn good, too."

"Ryan," Marissa breathlessly replied, her voice making it evident that his actions were already sending her to the point of no return, "what about the food. It's getting cold."

"I'm not hungry for food," he shot back quickly without even hesitating a second to think of a response. "I'm craving you right now."

"But what about Q," she began before he stopped her from talking further by taking her mouth into his.

"Q's a big girl; she'll understand," Ryan dismissed after he pulled away from her, "and if she makes a mess on your floor, I'll scrub it myself, promise. Now are you done making excuses, because I'd really like to get started?"

Giggling, Marissa answered him by pulling the sheet over their heads to loose themselves in each other once again.

They were sharing a calm, normal Thursday afternoon two days later when all of a sudden Marissa spoke up, the seriousness of her tone surprising Ryan. He was working on the bathroom, the demolition complete, while she sat by and lazily lounged against the wall, painting her toenails.

There had been a silent agreement between them to just go with the flow, enjoy each others company, and let things progress naturally, but both of them knew that they could not remain that carefree for long. Their situation was too complicated, and their lives would change drastically as soon as Marissa's kids returned from camp in a few weeks and whenever her husband decided to pop back into town for his brief appearances at home.

They had already fallen into a routine where their days were spent at the house in Newport working on the bathroom, Marissa either contributing after Ryan showed her how to do something or sitting in the room with him reading, talking with him, or just watching him work, and their nights were spent at Ryan's house mainly in his bed. Q was healing so it was easier for her to travel back and forth with them, so that no longer presented as much of an obstacle.

"I don't want you do any more work on the house after you finish my bathroom." Before Ryan could interject or ask questions, Marissa continued. "I don't want to blur the lines between us anymore. I want to know what we are to each other."

Putting down the tools he had been using, Ryan turned to her and stared wide eyed as she closed the lid to the polish and looked up at him, her eyes filled with…._hope_…he realized incredulously. "What are we," he finally asked not even sure what label he would put on them. _And I thought it was difficult to label us at the vet's office when we were just talking while I was working for her, but now…_His mind trailed off unsure of what to think.

"Well I know that I don't want you to work for me and that I don't want you to think of me as your boss. That's why you can't continue remodeling the house, no matter how much I like you around all day long. It just….it would cheapen this, cheapen us," she explained hoping that he would understand what she was trying to say.

"But that still doesn't answer my question, Marissa," Ryan pressed, "just what exactly are we? We're not just friends; I think we moved past that mark a few days ago in that hotel bed." The lowering of her eyes told him that she agreed so he continued on. "And it's not as if you're my girlfriend…"

"I'm not," she interrupted him, the hurt evident in her tone. Standing up, she turned her back towards him and stared out the window into the late afternoon horizon. "So then what am I if I'm not your girlfriend, some woman you're just sleeping with, a bed buddy?"

Going to her, he went to take her in his arms, but she shrugged off his first attempt. Undeterred and knowing that her insecurities were showing, he tried again and found her much more receptive to his embrace. Lowing his voice so that it was not harsh but instead sensitive and soothing, he whispered into her ear as he held her closely to him. "Marissa you know this…what's happening between us is more than just sex, but how can you be my girlfriend if you're married?"

"But that's what I want to be," she said softly, her eyes filling with tears.

"I know, I know," he agreed with her, honestly believing that she meant what she said, "but it's just not that simple between us Marissa. You're a wife, a mother" …._unavailable_. He did not say the word out loud, but, nonetheless, it hung in the air around them, choking Ryan and suffocating Marissa to the point where she could not stand in his arms any longer and had to move away.

Practically gasping for air as she attempted, unsuccessfully, to control her emotions, her voice rang out once again loud and agitated. "You call what I have with him…with Gerry a marriage," she snapped, her pained, self-deprecating laughter echoing throughout the room now void of fixtures, appliances, or furniture. "Do you call being ignored, abandoned, used," _abused_, her mind added on silently although Ryan knew exactly what she was thinking, "for ten years a marriage, because I sure as hell don't!" Clawing at her shirt, pulling it away from her throat as if she couldn't breathe, and gulping for air, she turned to Ryan one last time tears cascading down her cheeks as she cried silently. "I can't be here; I need some air."

With that, she ran out of the room, but it took Ryan mere seconds to realize that he had to go after her, that he had to fix this, to comfort her, _that he had to figure out a way to keep her in his life; he couldn't loose her now._

He found her in the kitchen rummaging through her desk looking for her keys. Her hands were shaking so badly she could barely grasp anything she picked up, and he knew it would be impossible for her to drive like that. Gut wrenching sobs escaped her lips as she seemed to be battling not only her present but also her painful past, things Ryan knew nothing of and had no idea how to help her through. Going up to her, he did not hesitate a moment and grabbed her arms and held them by the wrists with one of his hands as he wrapped his other arm around her quaking body pulling her to him. Kissing her hair softly, he began to speak in comforting tones in an attempt to relax and comfort her.

"Hey, hey," he began, "I'm sorry." When she didn't push him away, he continued. "I can't pretend to know what your life has been like living here, what it's been like to be married to your husband, but…," he paused momentarily as he had to forcefully swallow down the bile that had risen in his throat at the thought of what her husband had put her through, "but I do want this. I want us, and I don't care what the rest of the world thinks; to me, you are my girlfriend. Everything else we'll figure out together….as a couple." As he said his final words, he felt her relax against him and breathe deeply, her sobs quieting.

He felt her pull away from him, assuming she was about to say something, but before he could even react, she had pressed him roughly up against the door to the pantry and pressed her body into his, taking his mouth in a greedy, rough, insistent kiss. Too startled to think, his body just reacted naturally as his hands found their way to the zipper of her dress. Moving it down her back quickly, he pushed the straps down her delicate shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor leaving her in just her thin, lacy thong. His hands quickly removed that as well while her hands moved deftly to his waist, unbuckling his belt and removing him of both his pants and boxers in one motion. Their lips parted long enough for her to rip his shirt off of his body before he swung her up in his arms and laid her down on top of the center island.

Jumping up on the island himself, he pulled her body up to meet his as she wrapped her legs around his torso and drew his body into her own, rejoining their mouths once again, but this did not satisfy either of their desires for long. Taking matters into her own hands, Marissa eased Ryan down onto his back, letting her mouth trail from his lips to his chest and then down his torso until she took him into her mouth causing Ryan to moan out in ecstasy. As she pleasured him hoping he returned the favor, the thought that she could arouse him so much seemed to only heighten her passion as well, and before she knew it she was on her back and Ryan's hands, lips, and tongue were taking her into depths of rapture she had never even known were possible before.

Just as she orgasmed for the first time that afternoon, she felt Ryan pull away from her and get off of the counter, but she was not finished with him yet. Trailing after him, she tiptoed up to his back and molded her body into his, wrapping her arms around his waist, letting her hands clasp him greedily. Biting his ear teasingly, her hot breath against his sweaty skin eliciting waves of delight in Ryan, she spoke huskily.

"Ryan, there are other counters to christen."

"What about condoms," he asked, his voice already starting to hitch with desire.

Laughing at her own presumptuous nature, she replied, "check your wallet. I wanted us to be prepared….for anything."

He did not need anymore encouragement and readied himself for what was to come. Lifting her up, he surprised her as he entered her while he walked them to the nearest surface, the kitchen sink, before hoisting her up to sit on the ledge and continuing his motions. Somewhere in the middle of their frenzy, he became aware of cool liquid tricking down his chest, abdomen, and back as Marissa had turned on the sink to let her fingers run in the water before drizzling the water down his steamy skin. The sensation was amazing, and from that moment on, all rational thoughts vanished from both of their minds.

Several round later, both completely satiated, Marissa sat in Ryan's lap, his fingers idly tracing patterns along her upper legs and occasionally sliding down to caress and tickle her inner thighs, her mind completely void of the fact that she would have to spend a few hours the next day cleaning her kitchen while Ryan worked in the bathroom, she surprised both of them with an idea.

"Maybe I should get a job," she said.

Staring at her out of shock, Ryan couldn't help but let his mouth fall open. "Are you serious," he asked her. "After what we just did in here, your kitchen….multiple times and in several different places, you're thinking about getting a job right now?"

"Well yeah," she began, the confidence her voice had held when she first expressed her idea gone and replaced with uncertainty and doubt. "I realize the timing is a little strange, but it makes sense."

"And what about Gerry," he continued to press her, unsure of where she was going with this and not wanting to let his hope take over. "I thought he said you weren't allowed to work."

"I know, but….what if….I mean….just in case,…." her voice trailed off leaving her sentence open ended but they both knew what she meant. _Just in case we become serious, just in case I leave him, don't you think a job would be a good idea?_

Deciding to just let her think out loud and to be supportive, Ryan dove right into the topic. "What would you want to do," he queried, his interest apparent in his voice.

Taking her hands in his, he laced their fingers together, smiling to himself when he, once again, noticed she was ringless.

"I have no idea," she admitted ruefully, giggling softly at herself. "It was just something I never considered to be an option, so I never let myself think about it. Plus, I'm limited because I never went to college."

"Don't worry about that, right now," he instructed, "just tell me what you'd want to do."

"Something with children, I know that much."

Ryan pondered for a minute. "What about teaching?"

"I think teaching would be great," Marissa agreed, "but that would take me four years as a full time student to be able to do it, and that's not really practical right now. I need a job I can start where I don't need any long-term training."

"Day care or babysitting," he offered.

She was silent a moment while she thought, and when she finally spoke, her voice was distant, quiet, as if she were thinking out loud or dreaming. "Do you know what I always thought the perfect job would be? Have you ever seen Steel Magnolias….no wait, of course you haven't. This is the guy, after all, who named his dog after a female agent from the Bond movies. Anyway," she continued as he chuckled at her ribbing of Q's name, "there was this character in the movie, Shelby, and she adored children but wasn't supposed to have them for health reasons…"

"But you can still have children, can't you," Ryan interrupted her, the slight feeling of panic he was experiencing astonishing him.

"Of course I can have children; I'm like a baby machine," she dismissed his worries, "but you're not staying on topic here, focus. Anyway, she loved children and got a job working in a nursery at a hospital taking care of newborns. I want that job."

"What happened to her," Ryan inquired.

"Who?"

"This nurse…..what did you say her name was, Shelby, what happened to her?"

"Oh, she died, because she had a kid anyway even though the doctors told her not to and her transplant failed, but she's not the point," Marissa answered breezily. "The point is I think I want to try nursing. I could maybe start out as just a basic nurse…whatever they call them…"

"Nursing assistants," Ryan offered.

"Sure, and then take classes online or at night slowly until I get my LPN license." Finishing excitedly, she twisted in his arms to peer into his eyes. "So, what do you think?"

"I think," he began, the teasing quality in his tone hard to miss, "I think that for someone who supposedly had no idea what she wanted to do, you came up with a pretty in depth plan rather quickly."

"Okay," she conceded, smiling at the fact that he caught her, "so maybe I had thought about this a little bit."

"A little bit," he continued to mock.

"A lot," she conceded, rolling her eyes at his taunting manner.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought." Kissing her hair, he hugged her tightly to his body before speaking again. "I think it sounds like a perfect plan. Do you want to go to the library tonight and do some research. You can go onto all the nursing sites and check out the local hospitals while I….I don't know….look up porn?"

Standing up, she held out a hand to him to help him up off the floor as well. "Yeah, I don't think so mister. The only naked body you'll be looking at tonight is mine or your own if you don't behave."

Walking out of the kitchen after picking up their clothes, they went towards the stairs to shower and get changed for dinner.

"Maybe I could do some shopping then….for lingerie?"

As they made their way up the stairs, Marissa laughing at his naughty internet ideas and Ryan chuckling to himself as he listened to her mirth, Q just rolled her eyes, repositioned her still sore body, and fell back to sleep, snoring slightly.

Sunday evening found Marissa pottering around the kitchen making dinner for her and Ryan, while he went to pick up some movies for them to watch that night. She had sent a list of what he was allowed to get, requesting just one James Bond movie so she could finally figure out just who exactly Q was named after.

Thinking of Q, she went to go to the backyard to check on her. It had been unusually hot and humid…even for Southern California in August…that day, so she had set up the boys' old kiddy pool in the back yard and filled it for water for the lazy dog to lounge in all day. She had gone out there earlier to bring her back inside, but as soon as she went to lift her from the water, Q had started to whine in protest, so she let her stay in longer. Just as she neared the door to go outside, the phone rang. Picking it up on the third ring, she was delighted to hear the voice on the other end.

"Mommy," Cooper's voice rang out excitedly, but before she could even greet him he continued in a rapid pace. "How's Q? Is she feeling better? Can I talk to her?"

Smiling to herself, Marissa moved with the cordless phone back to the door and exited into the backyard. "You had perfect timing, Cooper; Mommy was just going to go and check on her when you called. Is it really hot there today, too," she asked.

"Yeah, but what about Q," he pushed on missing the importance of her question.

"Q is fine; she's getting better everyday. I think she misses you and your brother, but she's content now. She's swimming in your old pool because she was hot."

"Mom," Cooper giggled, "she only met me and Garrett once."

"Garrett and I," Marissa corrected, "and I think she liked you. She doesn't have any kids to play with normally, but that's enough about Q; how have you been?"

"I'm good," he shrugged off her inquiry. "I got this really awesome, giant frog yesterday but the camp counselors made me put it back in the pond. I wanted to bring it home, but they said you wouldn't let me. I tried telling them you were a cool Mom," Marissa smiled at this while her son rambled on, "but they wouldn't listen to me."

"How about I take you to the park one day when you get home and you can catch a frog there….or we can buy you one from the pet store," Marissa offered.

Practically jumping up and down, Cooper responded, "really?"

"Really, really," Marissa teased. "Now, back to you; how have you been? Have you been a good boy, are you listening to your counselors? You're eating right, right?"

"Yes, Mom," Marissa heard her son say in an annoyed tone, picturing him rolling his eyes as he said it.

"And you've been brushing your teeth twice a day," she continued to quiz him.

"Uh….I've got to go Mom; Garrett wants to talk to you. See you soon; I miss you."

"I miss you, too, honey."

He was silent a moment, and when he spoke Marissa knew he was slightly emotional. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Cooper." Before she knew it, Garrett's soft, kind voice had replaced Cooper's high-strung, loud one.

"Hey Mom."

"Garrett, hey baby; how are you," she asked in a voice that matched his. "Have you been looking after your little brother and getting enough sleep?"

"Yeah," he answered shortly, not out of rudeness but just a lack of words. "How are you?"

"I'm great, missing you and your brother though," she responded.

"You're coming up for Parents' Day in two weeks, right" Garrett request.

"Just try and keep me away."

"And Ryan," she heard her son start to hesitate and she became nervous herself. _Did he suspect something?_ "Can Ryan come up, too," he finally spit out in a hurry. "I kind of wanted to show him this new pitch they taught me, and he can see me play in the end of the summer game. I'm starting, just like he said I would!"

Marissa had to fight to hold back her tears and to keep her voice steady. "I'm sure he'd love to be there, Garrett. So, I take it you like, him, honey, Ryan I mean," she asked cautiously not wanting to sound too eager.

Her son's voice was full of excitement and happier than she'd heard him in a long time. "Yeah, Ryan's cool. He plays with us, he listens to me when I talk, Q is awesome, and…..and he makes you smile. I'm glad he's your friend, Mommy."

"Me, too, baby, me too," was all that Marissa could choke out, tears forming in her eyes.

"Well, I've got to go. Give Q a hug for me, okay, Mom?"

"I will."

"Love you," her son told her proudly.

Echoing his sentiments, she responded back to him, "I love you, too, Garrett, so much. See you soon." And with that, they hung up the phone.

So caught up in the phone conversation, she did not hear Ryan walk up behind her so that when he knelt down beside her by the pool, she jumped in surprise.

"Did the boys just call," he asked.

_The boys…like they're our sons_, she thought to herself while a wide, brilliant smile spread across her face. "Yeah, they called to invite both of us to Parents' Day in two weeks. Would you like to come with me?"

"Really," Ryan was amazed and his voice showed it, "they want me to come, too?"

"Requested directly from my very shy and quiet son, Garrett, personally," she shared with him proudly. "You know, after an invite that special, you can't turn it down."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he said honestly. "We'll make a weekend out of it, take Q."

Walking back into the house, arm in arm, he couldn't help but notice that she became quiet all of a sudden and that her eyes were misted over with unshed tears.

"Hey, what is it," he pressed.

"It's just….talking to them….," her voice trailed off.

"Makes you miss them all over again, doesn't it," he finished for her, receiving a positive shake of her head to indicate that he was right. "Just remember that they'll be home soon." Kissing her forehead gently, he patted her rear end towards the kitchen making her laugh. "Now go and grab whatever you made for dinner and I'll grab the movies I got. Where do you want to watch them?"

"In bed," she replied without a second's hesitation, causing a ridiculous grin to form on Ryan's face.

"Okay, I'll meet you upstairs in five. Don't worry; I got us Die Hard 1, 2, and 3. You'll be smiling again in no time."

Not particularly listening to his words as she gathered up their meal and put it on a dinner tray, it took a moment for his words to sink in. "Alright, I'll be up in a few," she began before she realized what he had said. "Ryan," she screamed, annoyed and trying not to laugh at his audacity while running after him up the stairs, their food forgotten, "those movies were not on the list!"

As they playfully fought on her bed, pillows in hand, the movies were forgotten, the dinner turned from hot and delicious to cold and unappetizing, and Q continuing to float around in the kiddy pool as the day faded into night and, just as Ryan predicted, her cares floated away with the salt tinged breezes moving in off the sea.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

The rest of summer passed quickly, surprising Marissa, but it was easier to pass one's time when you had someone to share it with. Ryan continued to come to work everyday, and, with her help as he taught her how to do simple tasks, they finished early and were able to spend the Friday before parent's day lounging around the house and just enjoying the brand new amenities in her en-suite bathroom. The next morning they left for Northern California where the camp was located, taking their time, and driving leisurely. If they saw a cute antique store, they would stop. If they wanted to take a break and play in a park for a while, they stopped. By the time they arrived at their destination, it had been evening, so they checked into the same hotel and, on this trip, used the hotel to its full potential, enjoying each others company and bodies.

Parents' day had gone well beyond Marissa's expectations. Everything had been perfect. The weather was just right, warm with a slight, refreshing breeze, the boys did well in their games, Q was feeling better than ever, Ryan and the boys seemed to grow even closer as they discussed sports much to her mock dismay and secret delight, and, late that evening, they all arrived back in Newport safe, sound, and sleepy. Most importantly however, her boys were home….for good.

The Monday following parents' day Ryan had started a new job, another one in Newport, but although she could no longer spend her whole day with him, her boys were home to keep her company. After Ryan finished work for the day, he would come by to pick Q up, Marissa, Garrett, and Cooper babysat her, and the five of them would find something to do together in the evenings to have fun. Sometimes it was as simple as going to the park or beach or staying in to play games and watch tv, while, at other times, they would go to the movies, recreation centers, or school shopping.

After a couple of weeks, once Labor Day had become another memory, school began for the two boys and Marissa was, once again, left alone during the day. Q was practically healed so she did not need to be babied or watched, and the house chores did not keep Marissa near as occupied as they did before she found out what actually having something to do with her days felt like, so she took up the habit of going to work with Ryan.

They kept things professional when on the job site, almost purely platonic, and while she helped him by doing odd end jobs and running quick errands, they were able to talk their days away, learning more and more about each other. Occasionally she would have things to do that would make her late in meeting him or she would have to leave earlier than he did to pick Garrett and Cooper up from school, but basically they would spend their whole day together.

However, their nights were different a story. She was a mother after all, and they both knew it would be inappropriate for him to stay over at her house when the boys were there. Because of this, they had to become resourceful. Lunch times were their saving grace. They would leave the job site on the premise that they were doing out to eat, but, in all actuality, they drove back to Marissa's house to have sex and would eat a simple, sack lunch while in the car. It wasn't perfect, but they both knew it could be worse.

Marissa had also done little things to help prepare for whatever her future might hold for her. Wanting to have a slight nest egg, she began to sell off her jewelry her husband had given her over the years, starting, first, with her wedding rings and working her way through her jewelry box. The money she received from pawning them she put in a savings account that was only in her name. Not only had she done that, but she had also started researching work options in the nursing field and scoping out the local job scene.

For the first time in her life, Marissa Carnahan did not obsess over her past, ignore her present, or fear her future.

"Garrett, Cooper," Marissa yelled up the stairs the Tuesday of the second week of school, "let's go. You're going to be late!"

Garrett came running down the stairs, back pack slug over his shoulder. "What about breakfast, Mom?"

"I already took out bottles of juice and poptarts for you both. They're waiting for you in the car." Before he could interject, she cut him off. "And yes, I remembered not to toast yours you strange child." Ruffling his hair playfully, she gently nudged him towards the front door as she continued talking to him. "What's your brother doing up there?"

"I don't know," Garrett replied already heading out the door. "He was still in the bathroom when I came down stairs." With that, he disappeared out to the car.

Grumbling the entire way up the stairs under her breath, Marissa went to find her missing son, calling out to him as she walked down the hallway towards the bathroom he shared with his brother. "Cooper Carnahan are you about ready to leave yet? You cannot get a tardy this early in the semester!" There was no answer, so she kept persisting. "What are you doing in there, Cooper?" When he still didn't respond to her inquiries, she, tired of being ignored, knocked softly on the door before walking into the room, hand shielding her eyes so as not to embarrass her son.

Standing there, on a stool, in front of the mirror was Marissa's youngest, gel in hand as he worked on his hair, already dressed. He was completely focused on what he was doing, staring intently at his own refection. Noticing how serious he was, she did not want to tease and embarrass him, so she spoke in an interested tone.

"Honey, what are you doing?"

Sighing out of exasperation, Cooper turned to his mother with one of the saddest expressions on a child's face she had ever seen. "I'm trying to make my hair look like Ryan's, but it's not working."

"Well, why didn't you ask Mommy to help you?" Motioning for him to sit on the counter, she took the gel out of his hands and put it away. "I think you used enough of that. Now, let me see what I can do."

Within a few minutes, she had his hair fixed, he hopped off of the counter and ran out of the room to go downstairs, forgetting his book bag, and making Marissa giggle to herself as she picked it up and turned the lights out as she started to follow him out of the house. Just as she reached the end of the stairs, a voice rang out that made her freeze in place.

"What the hell did you let him do to his hair," Gerry's cold tone frightened her. She could tell he was already on edge and not happy with her. "I do not pay top dollar for them to go to one of the best private academies in the country to walk around looking like punks."

"He doesn't look like a punk, Gerry," Marissa tried to reason with him. "He's a young kid who wants to look cool."

"I better never catch him wearing his hair like that again, and what have you been doing all day long," he spit out at her. "This house is atrocious. You said you could keep it clean yourself, that you didn't need a cleaning lady, but this is disgusting."

"It's not that bad," Marissa started to contradict him, but he cut her off.

"As soon as you're done taking the boys to school, I want you back here, and by the time I wake up, this place better be spotless. I'll be home for a few days, and while I'm here, I will not be living in a pigsty. You can clean today and take care of all my errands I have for you to run the next couple of days. For now, I'm going to bed. It was a long flight." He started making his way up the stairs, but then turned around, once again, to speak with her, his voice harsh and biting. "And change your clothes when you get home. You look disgraceful! No wife of mine will go out in public life that!"

Looking down at herself, Marissa was at a loss for words. _What's wrong with what I have on,_ she asked herself silently. Dressed to help Ryan, she wore an old pair of jeans, tennis shoes, and a plain, basic, white t-shirt. Hair pulled up, no makeup on, she looked like a…..housewife. Sighing and feeling as if she would burst into tears at any minute, she quickly made her way to the car knowing she had to hurry if she was going to stop by Ryan's work site to break the news to him that Gerry was back.

Ryan's current job was building an elaborate and multi-tiered deck on the back of a Newport mansion, easy work but time consuming. When Marissa arrived, he was cutting the planks into the correct sizes for the particular portion he was working on, so she stood back and waited for him to finish before speaking up, not wanting to startle him.

At the mere sight of him standing in front of her, so sure of himself and gentle even as he worked with power tools, the tension that had been building in her body slowly began to dissipate and she felt a smile start to form on her face. As he put the saw down, she let her voice mingle in the warm September morning air. "Hey."

Turning around, he grinned when he saw here, and they made their way towards each other. Before either said anything else, his hands went up to gently cup her face as he slid his lips onto hers and greeted her with a soft, sweet kiss. They knew they were safe from peering eyes; his current employer was single and at work all day long.

Pulling away from her, he took her hands in his and led her over to the edge of the deck, sitting down first and then pulling her down in his lap and wrapping his arms around her snuggly.

"What are you doing here so early," he asked curiously. "I thought you needed to go and pick up some groceries before you met me this morning?"

"Actually," Marissa began tentatively, the happiness draining from her face and the tension returning to her body. "I can't go grocery shopping today and I can't stay here with you either."

Holding her, he could feel how upset she was. "What's going on; what's wrong?"

She didn't know why, but for some reason, she could not keep her emotions at bay and tears gathered in her eyes and fell smoothly down her face, her voice hitching as she spoke. "Gerry's home."

Those two words were all Ryan needed to hear in order to understand what was wrong, and his mood soon became as dark as hers.

"He surprised me this morning and just showed up, angry at Cooper's hair…"

"What did you do to Cooper's hair," Ryan asked, interested as he tried, in vain, to sooth her raging emotions by bringing her shaking body closer to his and comfortingly running his hands up and down her arms.

Smiling despite everything at her younger son's antics, Marissa turned around to face Ryan so she could look into his eyes as they talked. "He wanted to fix his hair like yours this morning, so I did it for him. Gerry didn't like it too well. Plus," she sighed, "he was livid about the house. I have to go home and clean all day; that's why I can't stay with you."

"Clean," Ryan pondered confused, "you're house is practically spotless."

"Not up to Gerry's standards," she answered, the bitterness creeping into he voice. "And the boys and I won't be able to hang out with you in the evenings because I'll have to cook him an elaborate meal and they'll have to follow his strict evening schedule, so they'll be in bed really early."

"Well, what about tomorrow," he pressed her, "you'll be coming to work with me tomorrow, won't you?"

"No," Marissa sighed ruefully, holding his arms around her chest. "I have to run his errands tomorrow, and, knowing Gerry, I'll have to do all of his laundry that he's accumulated from the past several weeks. It'll probably be a few days before I'll be able to see you."

"But….," Ryan's voice trailed off. It was not necessary for either of them to express what they were both thinking. Since the night they had first made love, they had spent at least a few hours together with every day. Neither quite knew how they were going to go the rest of the week without seeing each other, and it made the precarious situation they were in much more evident.

"We'll still be able to talk every night," Marissa said with a hint of hope in her voice. "I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing. He won't think anything of it if I go to my room after I put the boys down for the night. In fact, he'd probably prefer it, so we'll be able to talk for a few hours every night."

Resting his forehead against hers and kissing away the tears that were still making their way down her delicate cheeks, he spoke up, his voice raspy and rough. "It'll have to do then."

She got up out of his arms and stood, putting her hands back out for him to join her. Knowing she had to say goodbye, she started crying even harder, scaring Ryan slightly.

"Marissa," Ryan chided gently, "you can not go on like this. You're miserable. What are we going to do about this….about us? We need to come up with some sort of plan…..figure out what we want?"

"I want you." Startling him, she looked up and met his eyes, her voice suddenly clear and strong. "I didn't say anything, because I know it hasn't been that long, but I can't…..stay with him."

Hope rising, he stepped closer to her and let his arms find their familiar place around her waist. "What do you mean? Are you saying what I think you're saying," he asked her.

Not meeting his eyes, her self-doubt evident, she answered his question softly. "I've been putting money aside, selling jewelry like my wedding rings…"

"You sold your wedding rings," he interrupted her, surprise written clearly across his face. The simple positive shake of her head made him smile broadly and shock her in return by taking her lips in a greedy kiss.

His response bolstered her confidence to share with him all of her thoughts. "I'm saving the money, because…..well….I mean, if you want me to….I was thinking….," she stumbled over her words and then just spoke rapidly not even sure he'd be able to understand what she said, "courtfeesareexpensive."

She didn't even have a chance to watch his face for reactions, because, before she knew what was happening, he had lifted her up in his arms and was cradling her against him, kissing her desperately. They made their way to her car, and, somehow, he managed to open one of the back doors without breaking their connection and set her down gently inside, shutting the door after he had joined her.

Their clothes melted away rapidly under his swift and devouring hands leaving their bodies naked and eager. Blanketing her in the back seat, Ryan paused only a moment as he put on protection to whisper softly in her ear, "all I want is you, too," before entering her in a swift yet tender motion. Their pace was quick for they did not have much time, but the satisfaction they gave each other was immeasurable as they climaxed together mere minutes later in Marissa back seat.

Dressing rapidly, there was no time to cuddle afterwards, and before she knew it, she was on her way home to clean after sending Ryan back to work with a few final kisses and promises to call him as early as she could. True, she knew she would not see him for a few days, but the reassurance they had both gained from their intimate moments together left her glowing and smiling, confident in her relationship.

Her euphoria did not last long, and by the time Friday morning arrived, Marissa was on edge, the kids were miserable, and Gerry, although preparing to leave again for another prolonged trip, was in a terrible mood. The tension in the kitchen as the four family members ate breakfast was palpable, and no one recognized it more than Marissa.

Gerry was idly reading the paper as he waited until it was time to leave for the airport and the boys were silently eating their breakfast. Leaning up against the counter, Marissa sipped on a cup of coffee, counting the seconds until she could escape the watchful eye of her husband when she took her kids to school. Finally satisfied that no one would notice if she snuck away, Marissa silently excused herself from the room and crept upstairs to her bedroom where she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a very familiar number.

"I wasn't expecting to hear from you this early," his warm, pleasant tone carried across the line. "Gerry leave already?"

"No, he's downstairs still, but I had a favor to ask."

"Shoot," Ryan responded, intrigued.

"Well, I got an appointment today….with a lawyer, but it's for this afternoon, and I won't be done in time to pick up the boys, so I was wandering," Marissa's voiced trailed off slightly hesitant to ask him such a thing.

"That's no problem," he assured her. "It actually works well for me. The boys and I were due for some male bonding."

Laughing, she teased him, "should I be scared?"

"No," he played along, "and I promise to return them to you this evening in one piece."

"This evening?" Her tone showed her surprise. "Just what exactly are you up to?"

"It's a surprise, but I have to go," he added ruefully. "I just got to work, and I'll have to get started right away if I'm to pick up the boys at 3:00."

Voice gentle and soft, she spoke earnestly, "thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for. So," he continued, "how about we meet you at my place at 7:00?"

"Sounds perfect; do you want me to bring dinner or anything?"

"We have it covered," Ryan guaranteed her. "See you then."

"Bye," and with that Marissa hung up her phone, a smile back on her graceful, elegant face.

Meanwhile, downstairs the boys had noticed their Mom sneak off and go upstairs, but they used her absence to their advantage. After silently fighting back and forth with their eyes, Cooper, the looser of their battle of wills, ventured a shy and quiet question towards his father.

"Father," he asked tentatively, "what are we supposed to do for Mommy's birthday?"

Gerry looked up a little confused. "When is it," he asked brusquely, not too happy that his son interrupted him from the business page.

"It's tomorrow," Garrett added in, feeling sorry for his younger brother and deciding he would help him out.

"Oh, I don't know," Gerry dismissed, going back to his paper, "make her a card or something."

The brothers shared an unspoken look of resignation towards their Mom's birthday and of hatred towards their father before getting out of their seats and taking their bowls to the kitchen counter. Putting them in the sink, they picked up their book bags and silently made their way to the car just as Marissa made her way down the stairs.

Leaving, neither Marissa, Garrett, not Cooper thought of saying goodbye to Gerry or to wish him a pleasant flight. All they cared about was that when they got back home, he would not be there.

Ryan stood outside of the Harbor Elementary School waiting for the two Carnahan boys to appear. Marissa had called the school to give him clearance to pick her sons up, but she had not told Garrett or Cooper he would be there, leaving it as a surprise for them, and indeed it was.

The boys saw him before he saw them, and before he knew it there were two young kids throwing themselves at his leg and giving him a fierce hug.

"Ryan, what are you doing here," Garrett asked breathless with excitement. "Did Mom send you so we could go to the park and practice that new pitch you're going to teach me?"

"Or did you bring Q so we could play with her in the park," Cooper interjected, his eyes full of humor, mischief, and mirth.

"Actually," Ryan began as he opened the passenger side door for the boys to climb in the truck. "we're going shopping."

Not surprising him, not two seconds after he answered them, two very distinct and loud voices rang out in complaint.

"Shopping," Cooper pouted, "I hate shopping."

Admonishing, Garrett told him, "boys don't shop, Ryan."

"Even if it's for their Mom's birthday presents," he asked them climbing into his own seat and starting up the truck. All he got for an answer were two small mouths gaping open. "What," he pondered, confused by their reactions.

"How…..how did you know that," Garrett finally stumbled over his worked to inquire.

"Why wouldn't I know when your Mom's birthday is," Ryan answered, "we're friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but our father didn't even remember it," Cooper explained.

Not wanting to let his loathing for their father show through, Ryan responded diplomatically. "He's a very busy man, so I'm sure he just forgot, but we didn't right?" The boys offered him smiles and nods to show they agreed with him. "So, we're going to go and buy her some presents and then make dinner at my house for a surprise. How does that sound?"

"Awesome," Cooper yelled, his excitement bubbling over.

Garrett, always more reserved and thoughtful than his brother met Ryan's eye when they stopped at a red light and smiled at him before speaking softly. "Thanks, Ryan….for being my Mom's friend."

Not knowing what to say to that, Ryan just wrapped his arm around the young child and pulled him to his side in a light hug before ruffling his hair and speeding off towards the mall. With Garrett, Ryan knew no words were necessary.

Eight hours later, three presents opened, a new bottle of perfume, a Shirley McClaine DVD box set, and a new, rare, imported rose bush for her garden, five salmon steaks eaten, four baked potatoes devoured, and half a birthday cake sliced, Cooper, Garrett, and Q were sprawled out on the guest bed Ryan had set up for them sleeping soundly as Ryan and Marissa lay in each others arms on the couch watching Terms of Endearment. Turning his head which was resting in her lap so he could look up at her, Ryan gently stroked the side of her face with a single finger.

"Sorry you birthday wasn't anything special, but I knew that you would want the boys with you and that we need to keep a low profile," he apologized softly.

Pausing the movie so that she could focus on the man lying in he arms, she repositioned their bodies so that they were closer together, their faces just millimeters apart.

"Don't you dare apologize for anything," she forcefully ordered him. "You might not believe me, and I don't know how I'll be able to convince you otherwise, but what you did for me tonight, this party the four, excuse me, five of us, I can't forget about Q, had tonight, it was the best birthday I've ever had. I can't imagine a single thing making it better, so thank you for that." Leaning down, she lifted his lips to hers by holding onto the tip of his chin, letting their mouths blend for just a second before they settled back down in the couch for a late night of movies and cuddling, the perfect end to the perfect birthday.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Marissa sat across from her newly hired attorney, a Mr. Evan Taylor, known for being one of the best custody lawyers in southern California and she was thoroughly uncomfortable with his current line of questions. This was their first official meeting to begin going over the case; she had hired him on her visit a few weeks prior. She had expected he would ask her what her demands were from Gerry, what she wanted out of the marriage, her ideas on visitation rights for him, and perhaps when she wanted to file the paperwork and get the process started. Instead, she felt as if she was on the witness stand and being cross examined about her character and not her ability to parent her children.

"Why are you filing for divorce, Mrs. Carnahan," the slightly stocky, balding man of fifty asked her.

Tentatively she responded, "First of all, please just call me Marissa. As for why I want a divorce, I met someone new; his name is Ryan, Ryan Atwood." When all he did was raise his eyebrows and wave his hand for her to continue, she sighed deeply before plunging into the reasoning behind her desire to separate from her husband of almost eleven years. "I haven't been happy in my marriage for a while….well, actually, ever, but I just assumed that was what my life was supposed to be like, but then…..I met someone, someone who showed me that I'm worth more than that, that I matter.

"And no you're leaving your husband for this other man," he pressed.

"Yes."

"And have you consummated this relationship?" When Marissa didn't respond and just stared at the lawyer out of shock he continued. "Did you sleep with him?"

"I um…," she swallow thickly, "I don't see how that is any of your business."

"I need to know how serious you are about this man you are leaving your husband for, when the affair started, as I am assuming you are currently partaking in an affair, and I need to know your intensions with this man. Your husband's lawyer is going to attack you for infidelity and use it against your character to prove you are an unfit parent." Taking off his glasses, he set them down on his desk, the cold, business-like glare being replaced by a sympathetic one in his eyes before he continued explaining. "We will have to figure out how to neutralize that argument the best way we can, and the only way I can do my job is if I know everything you can tell me."

Nodding her head to show she understood, Marissa delved into the topic. "We did not set out to….develop feelings for each other." She was so lost in her confession that she did not notice his small smile at her lack of ability to say the word love. "In fact," she continued, "he started out not really liking me and I was just looking for a friend, but somewhere along the line….we connected. My kids adore him; they're already close."

Shocked, the lawyer stared at her. "Your kids know about your affair?"

"What…..," Marissa fumbled with her words, "no, of course they don't know about the affair. To them, Ryan is our friend…and he is, but he's just more than that to me."

"And do you feel you have a future with this man….what is his name," he looks down at his notes, "Ryan Atwood?"

Blushing slightly and unable to keep a smile off of her face, Marissa answered honestly. "I hope so."

They were both silent for a moment while Mr. Taylor thought silently, only speaking up when he had a slight plan formed. "Now, if you're right and no one knows about this affair so far, we have a chance to keep it a non-issue. We are not under any obligation to share this information with your husband's counsel, but if it is revealed, it will become a major issue in the case. I assume there is no way you would consider ending your relationship with Mr. Atwood, am I correct?"

"I can't do that," Marissa said honestly.

"I thought as much," her attorney admitted," and so you will have to be as discreet as possible."

"That will not be a problem," she assured him. "We mainly do things with my sons, so it will not look suspicious or as if I'm cheating, because who would take their kids along on a date."

"Apparently you," he teased her. "Now, what about your husband; what possible negative ammunition could we use against him? Do you think he ever had an affair? If he did, it would somewhat neutralize your infidelity."

"Nothing that I can prove," Marissa admitted ruefully, "but for the main fact that we have not had sex in years, I would assume he has." When her lawyer goes to comment on this, she holds up her hand and stops him. "I do not want to use that against him though. I don't care whether or not he had an affair. To me, this trial is about who is the better parent, and I do not want to win it by default by bringing out all of my husband's character flaws. If I can help it, there will be no mud slinging in this trial."

"You said flaws, as in plural," Mr. Taylor pointed out interested, "are you implying that there are things we could use against him, perhaps criminal activity or….," he pauses slightly to watch her face for a reaction, "abuse?"

"There was no abuse," Marissa blatantly lied not batting an eye and completely not fooling her attorney, but he did not say anything, "and, as far as I know, his company is on the up and up. Besides, even if there was something I could use against him, I already told you that I want this kept clean. No matter what, this is my sons' father, and I don't want them to hear me badmouthing him."

"Alright," he conceded, "we will do this your way, and, let me just add, that I admire your stance, not that you're making my job any easier, but it is commendable. Let's get down to basics now. What do you want from this divorce and how quickly do you want to get started?"

"I want nothing but my kids, and, as for when,….," before she could continue, Mr. Taylor cut her off.

"Did I just hear you correctly? Did you just say you want nothing from him, no house, no car, no child support, no alimony?"

"Nothing; none of that stuff matters to me, because the only thing worthwhile I got out of my marriage were my sons, and taking anything from him will make me feel as if I'm indebted to him."

"But it's not like that," he protested, "he is responsible for his children, and you, as his wife, are entitled to half of his assets. California is a no fault state, you can't loose what you're entitled to because you had an affair or because you ended the marriage."

"I know that, but there is also a prenup, and I have no desire to fight him on that."

"When do you want me to file the papers," he asked as they walked towards the door.

Prepared for this question, she answered quickly, "after the holidays."

Slightly confused, he spoke up. "Are you planning on working on saving the marriage, is that why you want to wait a few months before filing?"

"No," she brushed off his question lightly, laughing, "I just don't want to ruin the holidays for my sons. This will be hard enough on them as it is. There is no sense in ruining their Christmas, too."

"I should have known," he said while smiling at her. "I'll be in-touch soon Mrs….Marissa."

With one last handshake, she left his office feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her delicate shoulders and placed on those of someone much more prepared to carry the weight.

Later that afternoon, after taking Q to her last vet appointment to have the cast removed from her leg, taking her back to Ryan's, and then picking the boys up from school and dropping them off at a sleepover birthday party, Marissa finally was returning home. She and Ryan had the house to themselves that night, and they had ever intention of taking full advantage of the fact. After her stressful day, she was looking forward to a relaxing, lazy, pleasant night in bed with Ryan, but as she pulled up her driveway and spotted a very familiar car, one she always dreaded to see, she knew her evening would be anything but.

Taking a deep breath and steadying her thoughts, she would need all of her strength and wit to get rid of her guest before Ryan arrived, she pushed the door open and entered her house, prepared to face her worst nightmare: her mother.

"Marissa, where have you been," the harsh, loud, demanding voice rang out over the click of heals as the fit, trim red head made her way from the living room into the foyer. "I've been waiting for you for almost an hour."

Putting her keys and purse down on the sideboard, Marissa turned to face Julie. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I didn't know you would be stopping by today. I was running errands."

Julie obviously expected her daughter to expand upon her statement, but when Marissa simply walked off towards the kitchen, leaving her mother standing there without an invitation to follow her, a flabbergasted Julie stomped her way after her.

"What kind of errands did you run wearing that," she pressed her, the tone of her voice alluding to her annoyance and displeasure with her daughter. "Marissa, I've told you before, women of your standing in the community should not wear jeans. And your hair like that," she scoffed, "let's just say that it highlights the fact that you're not a teenager any more."

"Nor that I've had plastic surgery either," Marissa shot back now fully baited. "What are you doing here, Mother? Shouldn't you be at a spa for the weekend or out looking for the latest scandal to expose?"

"I'm here," Julie answered her while taking the cookie out of Marissa's hand that she was about to eat and throwing it away, "because you're husband asked me to make sure you were behaving correctly while he was gone this time. Rumor has it you've been a completely different woman these past couple of months. Care to explain?"

Brushing past her, Marissa moved towards the family room. "Not to you."

"The gossip around town has it that you're happy, smiling and glowing all the time, almost as if you were a giddy teenager in love for the first time and not a mother of two and the wife to one of the wealthiest men in the state."

"If I've been happier recently," Marissa dismissed with an emphatic wave of her hand, "it has nothing to do with Gerry, and, as for being my husband, he's only ever been that in name."

Catching a glimpse of her bare hand, Julie narrowed her eyes and moved closer to her daughter, ready to pounce. "Where are your wedding rings," but before Marissa could respond, the front door was opened, startling Julie, and giving Marissa a chance to escape.

Calling out ahead of her as she made her way towards the foyer, Marissa greeted the latest arrival. "Mr. Atwood, you're early!" Stepping into the room and joining Ryan who had a confused expression on her face, she whispered quickly to him, "my mother is here," right before Julie walked in behind her. "Mother, this is Mr. Atwood, the man who remodeled the kitchen and bathroom for us; Mr. Atwood, this is my mother, Julie.

Ryan went to put his hand out to shake Julie's, but she cut him off before he could say anything. "What is he doing here, Marisa," her eyes raking over him carefully full of questions and suspicions. He knew they were treading on thin ice.

"He….um….," Marissa struggled, unsure of what to say.

"It's customary ma'am," Ryan answered for her. "I just came by to make sure everything I replaced was working properly. If you'll just excuse me, I'll head up the bathroom now and leave you to your business."

Julie watched him walk out of the room and up the stairs before she turned to her daughter, but she did not happen to catch Ryan stop at the top of the stairs in order to listen into the women's conversation.

"What are you up to, Marissa," the older woman asked her daughter harshly. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be married to Gerry, and you're going to go throw it all away by sleeping with a tradesman!"

"Do not talk about Ryan like that," Marissa screamed at Julie before she even thought about her actions, her anger so strong she was practically choking on it.

"So, it's Ryan now," Julie questioned, not even giving the younger woman a chance to respond. "Do you know how hard I worked to get you to where you are today? If it weren't for me you wouldn't have any of this!"

"Yeah, I wouldn't," Marissa laughed ironically, "without you to meddle, control, or manipulate my life, I would have gone to college, I would never have married Gerry, and I would not be trapped in a loveless marriage!"

"Don't be melodramatic, Marissa," Julie dismissed as she rolled her eyes at her daughter.

"Don't be melodramatic; are you kidding me, Mom? You refused to help me with college, threatening to disown me if I didn't stay at home and pursue, as you called it, our future security, you threatened to kick me out of the house, leaving me with no place to live if I did not marry Gerry, and you switched my birth control pills with placebos to ensure that I got pregnant right away to keep Gerry from leaving me because I gave him an heir. Just where exactly was that not manipulating and controlling my life?"

"And if you weren't so selfish," Julie chastised her, "you'd be thanking me right now for doing all of that." Marissa attempted to walk away from her, but Julie grabbed her roughly by the arm and spun her around, holding Marissa in front of her as she moved in and spoke one last time, her voice threatening and void of any warmth. "Now you listen to me, you better stop whatever you are doing right now, go back to the meek, mild, and submissive wife you were a couple of months ago, and keep Gerry happy. I do not intend upon giving up the kind of life I lead just so you can fuck some attractive, low class, construction worker! If for no other reason, consider your children. I'll be watching you," and with that she spun around on her heal and waltzed out of the mansion leaving a visibly shaking Marissa crying in the middle of her foyer.

Ryan was at her side in seconds, his arms wrapped around her as she fell in a heap onto the floor, her emotions ranging from pain and hurt to anger and bitterness. He just held her tightly as she cried, rocking her gently in his arms, and caressing her back, trying, with his soft, delicate touch to show her that she was not alone, that he was there for her, that she did not have to be scared of her mother any longer while muttering wordless reassurances into her hair.

Startling him, Marissa pulled away from his warm, comforting body, hastily wiping her face before she cupped his in her smooth, graceful hands and looking deeply into his eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered profusely before leaning her forehead against his. "She had no right to say those things about you. She has no idea who you are….what you mean to me, what you're like. I'm just….I'm so sorry." As soon as she finished talking, she collapsed in tears once again, letting her body fall against his.

"Marissa," Ryan spoke softly yet with enough force to capture her attention and show that he was completely serious. "I don't care about what your Mom says or thinks about me. I know what she says is not true, and I know that you don't believe her. What I care about is how she makes you feel, and if I had my say, she would never come near you again." As he continues to speak, his voice rises in volume and anger enters his tone. "When I think about what she did to you…..," but his words are cut off as Marissa crashes her lips into his and takes his mouth in a greedy, insistent, desperate kiss.

Giving him no time to think and just react, she immediately begins shedding him of his clothes, literally ripping his shirt off of his body and fumbling with his belt in an impatient, hasty manor, too frantic to be with him to make her hands work properly. Standing up with her still in his arms, Ryan took over for her and quickly took his belt and then pants and boxers off, dropping them right on the floor. Naked and needing her, he tore at her clothes leaving a trail of them up the stairs as they made their way to her bedroom.

Impatient, he lifted her up onto his body, as she wrapped her long, lithe limbs around his strong, sweaty torso, and entered her there on the stairs as they continued to stumble to her room, blind in their passion, her head thrown back in ecstasy his greedily kissing and sucking on her aroused and glistening breasts.

Finally finding the bed, they fell onto it together, bodies still completely entwined. Through her pain and anguish and his anger and rage, their tenderness and devotion shown through, turning their frenzied, rough, comfort sex into a passionate, soothing, warm embrace where each reaffirmed their feelings for each other and were reassured that they were where they should be, with who they were meant to be with. As the evening hours passed by, they came together time and time again intimately, healing the wounds Julie had so callously created and strengthening their commitment to each other so as no one could hurt them like that again.

Over a week had passed since the fateful night Ryan and Marissa shared together, and although no one else knew what had transpired between them, the changes it brought to their relationship were insurmountable. The final wall had been broken down, their last barrier around their hearts melted, and gone with those guards were the doubts and reservations they had both secretly harbored. Neither knew where their lives were headed, but wordlessly they both knew that they would travel the journey together, as one.

Instead of throwing a birthday party for Garrett as he turned ten, Ryan had suggested to Marissa that they surprise him with tickets for the four of them to go to a football game together. Marissa had loved the idea, so the plans were set in motion.

The Sunday of his birthday Ryan had come over early for lunch, lighting up the grill and manning it while Marissa made the birthday cake and wrapped Garrett's presents….well all but one of them. They had had lunch together, Ryan, Marissa, Garrett, Cooper, and a sly Q who sat underneath Cooper at the picnic table awaiting his steady supply of table scraps. The meal had been followed by the opening of the gifts and then a rowdy rendition of Happy Birthday as Cooper and Marissa decided to challenge each other to see who could sing the loudest. Surprising them all, Q had won as she felt inspired to howl along with the mother and son pair, and by the end of the song, the two adults and children had quit singing completely to cry in laughter at the completely original and entertaining ham of a golden retriever.

Wanting to try out the new bat Ryan had gotten him, Garrett had pleaded that they play a little ball in the backyard; Ryan was only too accommodating, claiming he had prepared for that and his glove was in this truck. Volunteering quickly, just as they had hoped, Garrett set out to bring the glove back in for Ryan and found the tickets sitting out obviously, returning with the thin slips of cardboard and not the glove.

"What are these," he asked confused. Noticing the date, he looked up at Ryan and his Mom. "But these are for today. You're not staying all day," he questioned softly, his voice miserably unhappy.

"Sorry, buddy, but no I'm not staying all day," Ryan answered seriously before letting a brilliant, large smile take over his face, "and neither are you, your Mom, or your brother." When Garrett just stared at him bewildered, Ryan laughed and continued. "We're all going to the game together. Happy Birthday, Garrett."

Before he knew what was happening, Garrett was hugging him, his small little arms, surprisingly strong, as he held onto Ryan's neck as tightly as he could. Hugging him back just as securely, Ryan couldn't help but close his eyes for a second as he took in the situation and realized just how much the simple yet sincere embrace meant to him….what this little boy meant to him.

Looking up at Marissa, he noticed that she had tears in her eyes and was holding a very annoyed and bored Cooper close to her. When it seemed as if Garrett was never going to let go of Ryan, Marissa spoke up her voice catching with emotion. "Mommy got you both jerseys to wear this afternoon. Why don't you run up to her room, they're on my bed, and put them on?" They did not have to be asked twice, and as they took off up the stairs at breakneck speeds, Marissa yelled up after them, "and brush your teeth while you're up there."

Silently, Ryan walked to Marissa, and unable to control the feelings that were coursing through his body at the moment, took her lips in a tender kiss full of wonder, amazement, devotion, and awe. It only lasted a moment, for they were still unprepared to share their relationship with the boys, but the promises it held were enough to fill a lifetime.

It was well after two in the morning when the little group of four returned home to find Q waiting up for them quietly and an empty house. Both boys had fallen asleep in the car on the ride home; sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for over an hour after one of the most exciting days of their young lives wore them out. So, in order not to wake them, Ryan was carrying a slumbering Garrett while Marissa had Cooper and they made their ways up the boys' rooms.

After laying Garrett in his bed, Ryan went downstairs to take Q out and make sure the house was locked up and secure for Marissa, while she went in and helped each son change in pajamas, both sleeping throughout the entire procedure. Going back up the stairs, Ryan met Marissa outside of Garrett's door and walked her to her own room.

They had been so focused upon how tired the boys were that Ryan had not noticed before that very moment just how exhausted Marissa was. Wordlessly, he led her to her bed and sat her down gently, moving to her dresser to pull out a loose, comfortable, long, silk nightgown. She might have tucked the boys in, but he was going to put her to bed.

Enjoying his tender touches, Marissa just sat there letting Ryan slowly undress her, savoring his nearness and the feeling of his hands upon her tired body. He took her shirt off first and then her bra before slipping the gown over her head and easing her down onto the bed. Slipping off her shoes and removing her pants, he took the discarded clothes to her bathroom and put them in the hamper before returning to her side.

Lulled into a soothing calm, Marissa's eyes drifted shut until she heard Ryan return. Opening them, she found him pulling down the blankets on the opposite side of the bed before he came back around to her and picked her up effortlessly. Making his way to the turned down side, he put her back down and pulled the sheet and comforter up, tucking her in. Turning off her beside lap, the room was lit only by the beams of moonlight filtering in through her bedroom windows, but it was enough to let them easily see each others faces and to gaze into each others eyes.

Leaning down, he took her lips in a soft kiss, only letting his own rest against hers for a moment before pulling away and doing the same thing to her nose and forehead. Letting his hand rest against her cheek, he cupped her face in his strong, capable hand while their eyes met once again. Without a second thought, his voice rang out confidently in the room, loud enough to express his sincerity but quiet enough so that they were the only two people in the world who could hear.

"I love you."

Sliding over in bed and opening up the cocoon the blankets made for her, she motioned for him to lie down with her. Settling into his arms, their gazes locked again as she haltingly confessed the same sentiment.

"I love you, too."

Taking his mouth into hers once again, this time their kiss full of promises and commitment, they both knew he was not going back to his house. His home was now with her.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Gone were the hot, humid, sticky night of summer only to be replaced with crisp, cool California evenings best spend cuddling under the comforters with someone you love, and, in a surprising way, this had become easier for Ryan and Marissa to do every night.

The morning after Ryan spent the night for the first time with the boys in the house, Marissa had gotten up early to make sure he and Q got out undetected before the boys woke up. Explaining why Ryan had spent the night in her bed was not a question she was ready to answer. They were successful, too, and the boys were never the wiser.

Thing changed a week later on the night of Halloween. Surprising even Marissa because trick-or-treating had always been a special thing she and boys did alone, Cooper and Garrett had called Ryan on their own and asked him to accompany them while they went door to door collecting candy. They said it was so that their Mom did not get lonely, but Marissa knew better. For one, Garrett wanted Q to be a part of his costume, and, secondly, both boys wanted to show off their new friend to all the other boys in the neighborhood. Marissa had overheard several bragging session where her sons talked up Ryan and how he always played with them to anyone who would listen, something she found adorable. Ryan had been only too quick to oblige, too. Not only did it mean that he would be able to hang out with his favorite ten and eight year old, but he would also get to spend the evening with the woman he had admitted he was in love with, a first for him.

Picking up Ryan's bad habit of being a fan of alpha male action stars, Garrett had insisted that he be a cowboy for Halloween, and not just any cowboy but John Wayne to boot. This is where Q came in, because every good cowboy needs a loyal steed, so Q was dressed up as well as a horse, her saddlebags Garrett's candy bags. Cooper on the other hand had very different ideas for his Halloween costume. Instead of wanting to emulate someone else, he wanted to emulate his own name, so he dressed up as a cooper.

By the time they got home that night, Cooper was asleep in Ryan's arms and Garrett was resting tiredly on his Mom's side, letting her support him as they moved along. Q collapsed immediately in the entry way, not even bothering to move to her favorite couch for the night and refused to let anyone remove her saddle. Out of shape due to her lazy recovery time, she had been unprepared for the vigor of which the Carnahan boys went trick-or-treating.

As Ryan helped Marissa take the boys upstairs and get them changed out of their costumes, Garrett spoke up and practically begged that Ryan spend the night, insisting that he had to be there the next morning when they sorted their candy, another of their holiday traditions. Neither Ryan nor Marissa were going to protest that idea.

They arranged the guest room for Ryan, Garrett helping and suddenly not so tired as he practically talked over himself making plans for the next day. That Saturday he wouldn't have to wait for Ryan to arrive to hang out with them; Ryan would be there when he woke up and would stay the entire day….and night again if he had his way. Marissa, with Ryan watching, eventually got Garrett tucked into bed and then they made a show of Ryan going to sleep in the guest room. An hour later when they were sure the boys were both sound asleep, he crept out of the spare room and climbed into bed with Marissa, both of them waking early to ensure they were not caught.

Once the pattern had been established, Ryan found himself invited to stay over practically every night by either or both of the boys, and soon he and Marissa had their routine perfected. It was only interrupted when Gerry came home. Although he was coming home more frequently, he left right away, only staying a few hours between trips, and luckily, every time he returned, Marissa had warning from his secretary because she had to have his bags packed and ready for the next trip. For almost a month this worked until their Thanksgiving weekend and all the plans the four of them, Marissa, Ryan, Garrett, and Cooper had made came crashing down around them with the arrival of a very grumpy, very sick Gerry, and that day she had no warning.

Marissa was in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner while the boys were sprawled out on the floor watching The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on tv, loud so that she could hear the music in the kitchen while she worked. As per their agreement, she had handled the meal while Ryan took care of dessert. Marissa hated making pies but loved pumpkin ones to no end, so Ryan had agreed to order and then pick up a few the night before the holiday and he was bringing them over shortly as he joined them for their late lunch.

Excited about the holiday, Marissa had decorated the house. She used cornstalks, Indian corn, pumpkins, and other festive decorations to lend it a celebratory ambiance. Normally Marissa would not do this, afraid of Gerry's reaction. He did not like fuss during the holidays and found it a waste of time to decorate the house for a few days out of the year, but Marissa did not expect him back for another week so she thought she was safe. She was wrong.

Hearing the door open, she tossed her towel aside and scrambled towards the foyer as quickly as she could, eager to greet Ryan before the boys saw him and knowing that his hands would be full and he would need help with the pies. As she came into the room, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw her husband and not her boyfriend standing there, glowering at her and looking utterly wretched. Unfortunately for her, the boys had also, somehow, heard the door open over the loud noise of the tv and had come running at breakneck speeds into the entry only to be greeted with their displeased father. Gerry did not waste time to begin barking orders and ruining their day.

"Go turn that damn tv off and change your clothes before I see you again!" Garrett and Cooper both backed slowly out of the foyer eager to escape their father's wrath but not wanting to anger him by running. Once they were gone from his eye site though, they ran to the tv, shut it off, and quickly made their way upstairs to their rooms prepared to stay there the rest of the day. Stubborn, they both kept the jerseys on that they had worn to the game, jerseys Marissa had a hard time removing from their bodies long enough to wash before they snuck them back on, and just put sweaters on over them in case their father came to check on them. It may be hot, but it was their own form of rebellion against his strict, unfair rules.

Meanwhile, downstairs, it was Marissa's turn to get reprimanded, but this time instead of the intensity of his loud angry voice, Gerry turned his eerily menacing whisper onto her. "I'm tired, I'm sick, and I'm going to bed after you bring me up some soap and a ginger ale. When I get up, every single decoration better be taken down. Thanksgiving has been cancelled."

"But I've already made the food, and the boys were looking forward to it," Marissa began to protest until she saw Gerry's irate eyes flash upon her and his hand form into a fist. Backing away from him subconsciously, she continued, frightened and nervous. "We don't have any ginger ale either, and, because of the holiday,…." Her sentence trailed off as Gerry's hand shot up to her face, grabbing it in a tight squeeze by the jaw and twisting it roughly so that she had to look at him in the eye.

"I'm sure you'll be able to find it." With that, he shoved her face away from his hand, making it turn roughly in the process, before he stomped his way towards the stairs. Speaking to her once again, he did not even bother to turn around and look at her. "I still expect my soup before you leave."

Wordlessly, Marissa obeyed her husband's orders, moving to the kitchen and making him some soup while beginning to clean up the decorations she had set up so carefully and packaging the leftovers from the meal she had prepared all morning. Unable to control her emotions any longer, tears slipped soundlessly down her face; she knew better than to let Gerry hear her cry. Lost in her own pain, Marissa never heard the soft pitter patter of feet approach her from behind.

"Mommy," Cooper asked softly not wanting to startle her but still concerned.

Turning around, Marissa hastily attempted to wipe her eyes as she saw her boys were both on the verge of tears themselves because of their disappointment over their day being ruined and at seeing their Mom upset. "Hey guys." Enveloping both boys in a hug at the same time, the three of them held each other tightly for a few minutes while they took comfort in each other.

Speaking up first, Garrett broke the silence. "Ryan can't come over now, right Mom?"

"No baby," Marissa answered solemnly, "and Mommy has to go and run some errands for your Father. Will you two be okay by yourselves while I'm gone, or do you want to come with me?"

Afraid at the idea of having to stay there with just his brother and father, Cooper started to cry. "No Mommy! I want to come with you."

Ruffling his hair, Marissa smiled at him. "Then you'll both come with me. Go upstairs as quietly as you can and get your shoes and a coat. Mommy's going to finish the soup and take it up to your Father."

Giving their Mom a weak smile, both boys did as she told them to and went upstairs to get ready to go. As she finished packing up the food and turned off the soup, ladling it into a bowl and preparing crackers and juice to go with it, she picked up the phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. He picked up after the first ring.

"Hey beautiful," he answered; Marissa could practically hear the smile behind his words. "The pies have been loaded, Q brushed and looking her finest for dinner, and we're on our way there right now."

"Actually, about that," Marissa began timidly, but Ryan cut her off.

"Let me guess, you burned the turkey," he teased her, his laughter filling the phone line. At the sound of his mirth, Marissa couldn't help but giggle as well. It was amazing what he did to her. In a matter of seconds talking to him made her momentarily forget her concerns and smile.

"I wish," she lamented, the idea of ruining lunch sounding quite appealing compared to reality, "but actually Gerry is home, and he's sick and angry. He cancelled Thanksgiving, so now I have to take care of him and clean up and get rid of all the decorations I put out. He doesn't like them."

"But you worked so hard," Ryan argued, "and what about all that food you made? You and the boys are still going to eat it and celebrate together, right?"

"No, I packed it all and put it away. We'll have you over some night next week after he leaves for leftovers. It's better….easier," she swallowed thickly knowing that she was treading on dangerous ground, "to just do what Gerry says and keep him happy." It didn't work; Ryan picked up on her fear.

Forcefully, he pushed her for a reason, "and why's that, Marissa. What would he to do you if you didn't listen to him? Would he hurt the boys?"

"It's not that bad," Marissa dismissed his concerns, lying through her teeth and feeling guilty about doing so. "He'd never hit the boys, and you already saw how bad it gets with me. He just yells and glares, all bark and no bite."

"I still don't want you around that," Ryan insisted, "or Garrett and Cooper. Why don't you come and bring the food and spend the day at my place?"

"I can't….if Gerry suspected," her voice trailed off as she picked up the tray and made her way upstairs. "Listen, I have to go. I have to take Gerry's soup in to him. I'll call you when I can." She went to hang up, but his voice stopped her.

"At least bring the boys by and let them stay here with me. They deserve to have a happy Thanksgiving." He stopped talking to hear her reaction. When she didn't say anything, he continued. "We'll watch the games together."

"Okay," Marissa finally agreed. "They'll be ecstatic, and I'll pack up the food and bring it with me when I drop them off, but I have to go," and before he could say anything else, she shut the phone off and pushed the door to Gerry's room open and took his lunch to him.

Soon, they were on the road, Marissa to find ginger ale for her demanding husband and the boys on their way to Ryan's, but only after Marissa took the time to put a thick layer of cover-up on her face to mask the bruises that were already forming from Gerry's rough handling. No matter what, when she arrived at Ryan's, she could not let him see the evidence of her husband's abuse. She knew that he would not tolerate what he did to her, and the idea of the consequence of Ryan finding out scared her more than facing Gerry.

Five days later, things were looking up. Gerry was feeling better and was flying out for an extensive trip to Asia. He expected to be gone at least three weeks, perfect news to Marissa who had not seen Ryan since Thanksgiving when he dropped the boys back off at home later that night. Sure, they had talked on the phone, but she ached to be with him and could only imagine what he was like. This was the longest they had gone without each other since they had first met. Even when they were not involved yet, the other was still there.

On top of her husband's departure, it was also rainy that day in Newport Beach, and because Ryan was currently working on another outside job, he could not go to work and they had made plans to spend all day together, in bed, at her house. Then, once the boys got off from school, they would pick them up together and go out to the movies. The day was going to be perfect and Marissa could not wait.

By the time she got back from dropping the boys off at school, the rain shower had turned to a storm, the rain battering against her from every direction and soaking her despite the umbrella she carried from the garage to her house. She was pleased to see Ryan's truck already parked in the garage, so that meant he was already waiting for her in the house. The thought of him there just made her move even quicker.

Not wasting time searching the ground floor, she made her way up to her room where she knew he would be waiting for her. The door was open, so she walked in soundlessly, dripping cold rain water all over the carpet on her way. Taking her soaked shirt off, she dropped it on the floor before she took off her pants and made her way over to him as he stood in front of the window looking out at the tempest brewing in the harbor clad in only her lingerie. Wrapping her cool arms around his waist, she kissed up his spine, feeling his body relax under the soothing touches of her silky lips.

"It feels as if it has been forever since I felt your hands on me," Ryan whispered to her, the silence of the house and outside world demanding serene voices from the passionate lovers inside. "We can never go that long again, do you hear me."

Giggling, Marissa moved away from him and went towards the light switch by her door. "Stay where you are; don't turn around yet. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what," Ryan asked, curious, as he turned around and elicited a glare from Marissa. "You look amazing."

"No, correction," she complained. "I look fat." Laughing self-deprecatingly, she motioned towards her body emphasizing where he should be looking although he did not need any encouragement to stare at her exposed body, his eyes taking her in hungrily. "I've finally fallen into the trap of the happy housewife, you know, the old wives tale where the wife, once she's happy puts on weight. Funny thing is, it took having an affair to accomplish it."

"You're not fat, Marissa," Ryan corrected her, moving swiftly to her side and enveloping her in his arms, lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder to carry her to the bed. "You're as light as a feather." She just rolled her eyes at his dismissive nature.

"You're biased," she argued. "Besides, even if you agreed with me, you'd never say anything because you don't want to risk annoying me and not getting to make love."

"Maybe so; maybe no," Ryan teased her before taking off his own shirt. He was too eager to begin to waste time arguing with her. "Besides, if I'm really going to judge this for you, I think I need to see you completely naked." And with that, her lingerie melted away under his skilled hands as well.

Before they knew it, they were both completely naked and wrapped up in each others bodies. There was no need to rush; they had all day, so they took their time, exploring each others bodies with their hands while their lips teased, taunted, and tasted the other, savoring the fact that they were once together again.

Although their flirting and foreplay was enjoyable, it had been too long for both of them, and this did not satisfy them for long. Taking initiative, Marissa pushed Ryan down on his back and threw her right leg over his torso, straddling him seductively, lowering her body so that her breasts would tickle his chest and her mouth could take his in a sensual dance.

"I do believe this position looks familiar," Ryan tormented her, pulling his lips away from hers to speak. "Do we want to reenact the first time?"

"It was one of my favorites," she played along with him, reaching for her bedside drawer and pulling out a box of condoms. Taking one in her hand, she applied the protection and then went back to flirting with Ryan. "And, if I remember correctly, you liked it as well."

"No complaints here," Ryan agreed with her, pulling her body down to his again and capturing her mouth in a heated, fervent kiss. Letting his hands travel to her breasts, he caressed her softly, massaging her gently and adoringly. Taking her by surprise, he entered her, causing her to moan out softly and immediately raise her body so that she was vertical in the air, arching her back and throwing her head in ecstasy, just as she had their first time and making Ryan smile broadly as he took in her perfect, supple body…a body that was all his.

Just as they both approached the pinnacle of their ardor, a bitter laugh sounded throughout the room and Marissa pulled the blanket up to her body and cowered down into Ryan's chest, her eyes closed, tears streaming down her face immediately.

"I never thought you had enough guts to have an affair, Marissa," Gerry taunted, moving towards the bed and looming over her. Just as he went to grab her arm, Ryan shifted his body instantly so that he was in front of her.

"Touch her and I'll break your arm so bad you'll never be able to raise it to another woman again."

That stopped Gerry dead in his tracks and he backed away from the bed and shuffled back to the door but did not leave the room.

"You really do offer a full service, don't you," he taunted Ryan. "You not only remodel the homes of men better than you but you fuck their wives as well. Fun's over; I caught you, now get the hell out of my house and let me deal with my slut of a wife."

"I'd watch your mouth if I were you," Ryan warned, "and I'm not going anywhere while Marissa and the boys are in danger."

Before Gerry could retaliate, the anger practically leaping from his eyes, Marissa interrupted their battle of wills. "Gerry, what are you doing here? I thought you were going on another trip."

"Flight was delayed, bad weather. Obviously you two geniuses didn't think of that one, did you? And what is this about my sons?" He turns his glare on his cowering wife. "You let him near my children?"

"Our children," Marissa corrected him, his attitude towards the boys sparking her anger and masking her fear. "And they needed someone to act as a father figure to them." Before he could say anything else, she pushed right on. "I want a divorce Gerry. I was going to wait until after Christmas for the boys' sake, but I can't do this any longer. I can't hide my relationship with Ryan, I can't keep this from the boys, and I can't pretend to be your wife for one moment longer. I want out."

"Oh, there's no doubt in my mind I'm divorcing you, and don't think you'll get a cent from me."

"I don't want your damn money, this house, my car, hell, you can keep my clothes for all I care," Marissa spoke evening, not even caring enough to yell back at him. "All I want is my freedom to love and be loved for once in my life. I went from my mother controlling me to you, and I deserve more."

"And who's going to love a weak, ignorant slut like you," Gerry mocked her, laughing at her face and infuriating Ryan.

Sensing his aggression, Marissa grabbed his hand and held it tightly in her own, that small embrace calming him down enough so that he did not get up and physically confront Gerry. "I will. I do," Ryan confessed, moving his eyes from Gerry to Marissa and lightly taking his free hand to stroke her cheek offering her some comfort as well and bringing a small smile out of her face.

"Well, that's beautiful, a Kodak moment, but have fun supporting yourself, Marissa." His beeper goes off distracting him for a moment. "Shit," he cursed out loud before looking back up at the couple still wrapped in a sheet on his wife's bed. "My delay has been lifted, I need to get to the airport, but when I get home you and every trace of you better me out of my house!"

As he turned away, Marissa sighed a breath of relief, while Ryan's slowly started to relax the tension in his body, but just as they were about to discuss what had happened, Gerry came back into the room with one final word.

"And do not even think about taking my kids. I'll arrange for care for them. Goodbye Marissa." He turns to Ryan smirking at him. "She's your problem now."

His cackling could be heard all the way through the house, echoing off of the high ceilings and filtering its way back into the suddenly cold, dismal bedroom where the secret lovers sat exposed, nervous, and utterly uncertain.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

The next two and a half weeks went by in a whirlwind for Marissa. While Ryan continued to work during the days and the boys went to school, she packed up ten years of her life which had accumulated in the house she once thought just a few months before she would be trapped in forever. All the furniture would remain, but that still left their clothes, the boys' toys, and all their personal trinkets and memories to be packed up. Marissa realized that her packing schedule was similar to what it would be like to finally have a job, and, as hard as it may seem to those who have worked their whole life, she couldn't wait.

She would quit working on the move when it came time to pick the boys up from school. Once they were home with her, she'd help them with their homework and prepare dinner as they waited for Ryan to arrive from work. Their evenings were spent with each other, and after the initial conversation where Marissa told the two boys that she and their father were separating and that they were moving to Ryan's, everything went back to normal. The news did not even make them blink an eye; they just accepted it with smiles, proclaiming they liked it better at Ryan's anyway as they made plans of thing to do with Q. Their positive, excited attitude made Marissa realize that the saying was true, children were resilient.

Although they had not heard anything from Gerry since the fateful day he had discovered their affair, Ryan and Marissa, together, decided that it would be better to go ahead and move on with the divorce proceedings. So she had called her lawyer and they had filed the paperwork, waiting for Gerry to return so they could serve him. They did not know exactly what they were going to do; the details still had to be sorted out, but the sheer fact that she got to make those decisions was exhilarating for Marissa.

The one thing had been easy to decide was that the boys would remain at Harbor Elementary even after they moved to Long Beach with Ryan. Depending upon their schedules for the day, Marissa would both drop Ryan off at his job site and then take the boys to school or he would drop them off himself before going to work. Luckily the commute between the two communities was not a long one, and often, if not all the time, Ryan worked in Newport anyway.

It seemed to both take forever and a split second for the day to arrive where they were finally moving. The night before Ryan had made several trips to his house with the boys, his truck filled to the brim with their possessions. To celebrate, Marissa had made a special dinner for the occasion, and then they had made a show of taking her house and car key off of her key chain and leaving them on the kitchen counter while affixing a set of Ryan's house and truck keys as their replacement.

Early the next morning, Marissa woke up to begin the day the same way she had for years, to make breakfast for her family. The four of them, with Q in her customary spot under Cooper's chair, sat around the kitchen table and discussed the day they had in front of them before together they left the house. Ryan drove at first dropping the boys off at school and then headed to the jobsite, Marissa curled into his side the entire way there. One goodbye and few kisses later, she headed back to the house to clean up the breakfast mess, check the house for anything they may have left behind, grab their overnight bags from the night before, and get Q. By the time the afternoon hours arrived, she was finished with what she had to do and bored out of her mind, pacing the long hallways of the house waiting for when she could leave to pick up the boys from school, their last day before winter break.

Finally, a quarter to three arrived, and Marissa with Q lagging behind her practically sprinted to Ryan's truck. Not only were they moving in with Ryan that day, but they, as a family, were going Christmas tree shopping and then decorating for the holiday afterwards. This would be the first time she and her boys would spend a real Christmas together for Gerry had always limited what they were allowed to do before, and she couldn't wait not only for herself, but for Ryan, and especially the boys. The looks on their faces alone when they had shared the plans with them was almost enough to make her cry, and she was not an overly emotional person.

The boys were buckled securely into the trunk while Q was resting on Garrett's lap, head hanging out the window enjoying the ride immensely, as they made their way to Ryan's jobsite when all of a sudden Marissa's dreams for a perfect day were shattered when she was hit with heartburn so sudden and so strong it nearly too her breath away. Garrett noticed the change in her almost immediately.

"Mommy," he asked, concern written all over his face, "what's wrong?"

While Marissa took a moment to regain her composure and push down the pain she was feeling, Garrett's voiced concerns broke through Cooper's wall of oblivion and he turned to her in alarm as well.

"Are you okay, Mommy," he said turning to her and laying a gentle hand on her arm, moving it in a soothing motion and finally tearing Marissa's attention back to the two little boys suddenly filled with apprehension beside her.

Smiling at them, she attempted to rid her voice of all its discomfort when she spoke. "I'm fine. I just have heart burn."

"Your heart's on fire," Cooper shrieked, now fully alarmed, making Marissa have to bite back a giggle at his naiveté and for Garrett to look on confused.

"No, my heart is not on fire," Marissa explained slowly, searching her mind in vain for an easy way to describe the sensation she was feeling to her two clueless children. "Sometimes when you eat something, your stomach will act weird and send the juices it uses to digest your food up your throat, and when it passes by your heart, it feels like it's burning, like a stinging when you scrape your knee."

Both boys were quiet while they absorbed this information slowly, thoughtful expressions on both of their faces, until, after a moment, Garrett finally spoke up.

"Do you get it a lot, Mommy?"

"Actually, no," Marissa realized herself as she told her son. "It's been years since I had heart burn." Stopping to think back in time, she eventually realized exactly how long it had been. "The last time I had it actually was when I was pregnant with this little guy." Ruffling Cooper's hair as she said it, he giggled softly and soon forgot his worry, but Garrett watched her closely.

"Are you sure you'll be okay, Mommy," he continued to press her.

"I promise, baby," she assured him, reaching past Cooper to gently cup his face and smile at him. "When we get to Ryan's I'll take some medicine and I'll be better before you even remember to ask about it again." Turning back to their own thoughts, all three of them believed her reassurances.

They arrived at Ryan's jobsite a few minutes later to find him just walking towards the driveway, tools packed away and ready to go home for the day. Climbing into the truck and taking over driving duties, much to Marissa's relief since her heartburn was getting worse instead of better, the four of them squished together with not enough seat belts to go around.

"We're going to have to do something about this," Ryan mentioned as he drove along, only continuing when he saw Marissa's confused face. "We can't keep riding like this; it's illegal and, quite frankly, uncomfortable. We're going to have to look into buying you a new vehicle, something a bit more family appropriate."

He said it so casually, so matter of fact, that it took Marissa completely by surprise, in an utterly pleasant way, and she was unable to speak for a few seconds. He seemed to not even hesitate to say it, like it was the most natural thing in the world, the logical next step for them, but to Marissa it spoke of how committed he really was to her, it reassured her, once again, how right their relationship was and that it would last.

Tone soft, her eyes filled with unshed tears of joy, she looked up at Ryan and said the first thing that came to her mind, "but I don't have a job yet. How will I pay for it?"

"We'll handle it," he reassured her while wrapping his free arm around her shoulders and holding her even closer to him, "together." Knowing she would need a moment to calm down and laughing silently to himself that this was making her so emotional, he turned to the boys and greeted them. "So Garrett, Cooper, are you excited about Christmas vacation?"

The boys practically talked over themselves for the next several minutes proclaiming excitedly what they were looking forward to the most, making Ryan chuckle and the sheen disappear from Marissa's eyes only to be replaced by a look of pain. Once the boys calmed down enough for someone to get a word in edge wise, Ryan turned back to Marissa.

"Are you alright," he asked, anxiety creeping into his voice. "You don't look like you're feeling well."

"Mommy has heart burn," Cooper answered for her before Marissa even had a chance to formulate a sentence, eager to show off his newfound knowledge. "But don't worry," he continued gravely, "her heart is not on fire. It's just her stomach juices stinging her throat."

Winking at the little boy, Ryan teased him. "I'm glad to see you're taking care of you Mom when I'm not around," before turning back to Marissa. "Heartburn, huh, I've never heard you complain about it before."

"That's because I haven't had it in years," Marissa explained, sighing softly while leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

"The last time Mom had it," Garrett added in wanting to show that he had been paying attention to his mother as well, "was when she was pregnant with Cooper."

"That has been a while then," Ryan joked, "Cooper is almost ancient."

As Marissa relaxed the rest of the way from Newport to Ryan's, willing the irritation away, the boys continued to talk, Ryan ribbing Garrett and Cooper and the kids giggling in mirth. Although she was uncomfortable, the sound of the three of them getting along was music to her ears.

Once they got back to the house, everyone climbed out, Garrett and Cooper running into the backyard with Q while Ryan guided Marissa inside to what was before his room and now would be theirs and found her some antacids. Sitting her down on the bed, he handed them to her, brushing her hair back from her face tenderly before kissing her forehead. Insisting she rest for a few minutes while he got the boys ready to go, making them change their clothes and giving them a snack, he kissed her one last time, this time on the lips, before turning out the overhead light and disappearing down the hall.

Twenty minutes later, the three of them along with the dog returned to find her sound asleep, curled into a little ball and holding Ryan's pillow to her. Q immediately climbed up onto the bed with her and cuddled into her legs, falling asleep almost instantly and making the two little kids laugh softly to themselves.

"What do you say guys," Ryan asked in a whisper, "should we wake her up to go with us or let her sleep?"

"She has been tired lately," Garrett, the observant one mentioned, "but she really wanted to go."

"What if we pick out the tree, set it up, and cook dinner as a surprise and then we'll wake her up to help us decorate it later, that way she could rest and sleep," Ryan suggested.

With silent shakes of their head to show that they agreed with his plan, the three of them crept out of the bedroom, locked the door behind them, and set out for the nearest Christmas tree lot.

An hour later and no closer to finding an actual tree, Ryan had convinced them to choose a tree that they thought their Mom would like instead of finding one for themselves, so there they were, Garrett by his side, contemplating something silently, and Cooper a few paces off, observing the trees extremely closely and, Ryan feared, getting sap all over himself. Startling Ryan out of his thoughts, Garrett's voice, soft and timid, spoke up hesitantly.

"Ryan," he pondered, "can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Ryan told him truthfully.

"Where is my Mom going to sleep now that we're living with you?"

Blinking rapidly, Ryan was caught off guard by the little boy's question and shocked that he and Marissa had not thought about this. They had been too busy and caught up in other details. "I guess she'll sleep in my room," he finally responded the only way he knew he could, honestly.

"Then where will you sleep," Garrett continued to question him. "There won't be any room in our room, Cooper's and mine."

"Yeah, you're right," Ryan agreed, "I guess I'll just sleep on the couch."

Garrett was quiet for a moment, but Ryan could tell by looking at the boy who was chewing his lip while looking up at the sky, wringing his hands in an absent manner, that he was thinking about something he did not know how to say. Finally, he spoke up.

"Why won't you just sleep with Mommy in your room?" Before Ryan could say anything, he continued. "I mean, I know you always pretended to sleep in the guest room back at our old house, but we knew that you went into Mommy's room after we fell asleep."

"You did," Ryan asked incredulously, panicked that they had seen something he was unprepared to explain.

"Yeah," the ten year old dismissed, "I saw your bed empty one night when I went to the bathroom and heard you and Mommy talking in her room."

Swallowing thickly, his mind working at a surprisingly quick pace for the situation, Ryan responded, "and you don't mind if I stay with your Mom?"

"Well, you love her, don't you," Garrett asked him, "and when two adults love each other, they sleep in the same bed."

"How do you know this," Ryan quizzed him.

"Ryan," Garrett said in a serious tone with a roll of his eyes, "come on, I'm ten, I know about this type of stuff. All my friends' parents who love each other sleep in the same bedroom and that's how it is on the movies. And another thing," he continued, "you're allowed to kiss my Mom in front of Cooper and I, we don't care."

Unable to say anything, Ryan just shook his head up and down vigorously, making Garrett chuckle. After a moment, Ryan finally regained his ability to talk and pointed off in Cooper's direction. "I think your brother found a tree he likes for your Mom. Why don't you go off and check it out."

Minutes later, they had purchased the tree and were headed back to the house, Ryan still in a flabbergasted state of near silence and the boys watching him curiously. As he carried in the tree for them, Ryan shrugged off the awkward conversation he had just had with Garrett and accepted it for what it was, his first parental talk and the closest thing to the birds and the bees speech he ever wanted to get for it was mortifying. Although he did not want a repeat performance anytime soon, there were some advantages that came out of it. He could now openly kiss Marissa in front of her sons and they did not have to sneak around in order to share a bed. By the time the tree was in its stand, he was back to his normal self, and the three of them went off to order dinner and wake Marissa.

With bellies full of pizza, pop, and peppermint ice cream, Ryan, Marissa, Garrett, and Cooper sat around the living room in various places admiring their work. Marissa was on the couch, her heartburn still bothering her but she was hiding so as not to worry her sons or Ryan, Ryan in between her legs on the floor, resting his head on her left knee, Garrett sitting crossed legged in a chair, Q curled up beside him, and Cooper on the floor, head in his hand staring up at the eight foot tree in front of them. It was almost completely decorated, the lights strung, the balls hung, the hand made kid ornaments the boys had made Marissa over the year finally displayed after seasons of Gerry forbidding them to be placed on their miniature, fake tree, all that was missing was the star. They had not stopped there either.

While out, Ryan had picked up a couple of evergreen wreaths for Marissa to hang on all the doors, and they had been placed in their respective places, and he had asked for scraps of evergreen for her to place around the house along the windows, on the fireplace mantle, and any other spot she saw fit to decorate. Using other decorations she had picked up a few days before, they had completely transformed the living room and kitchen into winter wonderlands. Overhead lighting out, the room was only lit by the glow of the Christmas tree and holiday scented candles Marissa had placed around the space at strategic places. Exhausted yet not willing to let the night end yet, the four of them sat silently together, smiles on all of their faces.

"I have an idea," Ryan shouted out excitedly, jumping up from his place on the ground and motioning for the boys to stand up as well. "I think I figured out a way for you both to put the star on with my help."

Just as the boys climbed to their feet, eyes glued to Ryan as he explained how they would perform this small miracle, the doorbell rang. Standing up, Marissa walked around the couch and headed for the door, turning to Ryan and asking, "who would be coming over at this time of night?'

"Probably just a neighbor who had some kind of emergency with their house," Ryan dismissed unconcerned before turning back to the boys and helping them both onto his shoulders, Garrett tightly gripping the star.

"Ryan will be just a minute," Marissa started to say as she opened up Ryan's front door expecting the person outside of it to be one of his neighbors as he had predicted only to come face to face with her glowering husband.

Pushing past her roughly and making her stumble into the corner of a side table, Marissa winced while Gerry spoke harshly. "I thought I told you to leave the boys behind, and then I get a call from my secretary today who sent a nanny to their school to pick them up because you were to move out today and the kids were already gone! What the hell do you think you're doing Marissa?" When she wouldn't even look at him, he became even more agitated. "For Christ's sake, what the hell are you looking at?" Turning to where her eyes were focused, he found an angry Ryan putting his sons down after they had just finished putting the star on the tree.

"Why don't you two run into your room," Ryan told them quietly, his eyes pleading with them to listen. "Your Mom or I will be in a minute." Without a sound, Garrett and Cooper did as Ryan asked. "Mr. Carnahan, Gerry," Ryan began as he moved to Marissa's side and slid his arm around her waist, "I know you requested that Marissa leave the boys behind, but she didn't have to do as you asked, and why should they have to spend time with a nanny when their Mother is more than capable and wanting to take care of them herself?"

"Because a judge said I can do whatever I want with my sons." With that, Gerry slapped a temporary custody order into Ryan's chest and crossed his arms, a smug smile on his face. "You see, while you two were too busy with frivolities like Christmas trees and sex," he stopped speaking long enough to give Marissa a disgusted look, letting his eyes travel up and down her body, "I was getting custody of my kids. So if you'll go and get them, then we can leave. They can leave all of their stuff here. I don't need them tracking anything home with them. My personal shopper will replace anything and everything they had before."

Ryan opened the court order, and, just like Gerry said, it was there in black and white. He had legal, temporary custody of both Garrett and Cooper until a trial was held and a long term decision could be made as to who would raise the children. It even stated that he could decide when or even if Marissa got to see her kids from then to the point of the trial. Glancing up from the paper, Ryan met Marissa's eyes and just nodded to let her know that he was telling the truth.

"What about Christmas," she asked the man she had spent the last ten years married to and afraid of, "will I get to see them on Christmas?"

"I'm sorry," Gerry replied flippantly, his voice void of remorse, "but we're going out of the country for Christmas. The boys are going to Europe to see their Grandparents while I go on a little vacation."

"So you're not even going to spend time with them," Ryan shot out furious. "You're taking them from the one person who knows them best in the world and letting practical strangers take care of them for you? That's ridiculous!"

"And frankly," Gerry glared at him while he fought back, "none of your business. You have no say in how my sons are raised, and for the time being, neither does Marissa. Now get my kids."

Moments later after Gerry pulled the two sobbing boys away from their Mother's arms, calling for his driver to help him carry them kicking and screaming to the car, Marissa finally completely broke down in Ryan's arms, her sobs desperate, pained. Ryan carried her into their room, stripping her of her clothes and put her pajamas on her before quickly running out to the living room to unplug the tree and blow the candles out. Returning to her, he held her in his arms trying in vain to help sooth some of her anguish away but knowing there was nothing he could do to make the situation better. He had never felt more helpless in his life.

Eventually, completely exhausted both emotionally and physically, Marissa fell asleep clutching his chest in a frantic, inconsolable manner as if he was the only thing holding her together, but for Ryan, sleep never came that night, and he wasn't sure he would be able to rest again until he knew Marissa would be alright.

The week that followed was heartbreaking. Marissa tried to hold it together, to show some semblance of her normal self as she prepared for the holidays, baking cookies, planning a meal, pitter-pattering around the house, and taking Ryan on numerous shopping trips for last minute gifts for the boys, and he didn't mind a minute of it. Anything that he could do to help take her mind off the lack of her sons' presence during the holidays he was glad to do.

Surprising both of them, the first thing that helped stem her tears and put a temporary smile on her face was word of a job. Marissa had applied to several area hospitals, and, two days before Christmas, she got word that she had been hired at a state hospital. With their program, she would be able to eventually train to become an LPN, just as she had wanted. Even better news, she would be working, just as she had told Ryan she had dreamed of on that fateful day in her former kitchen, in the maternity ward.

Then, helping to jolt her out of her melancholy state, she got a surprise phone call on Christmas Eve. With Gerry not there, the boys had easily talked their Grandparents into letting them call their Mother. Despite the impending divorce, Gerry's parents had always liked Marissa and agreed that Garrett and Cooper should be able to at least talk to their Mom on the holidays even if they couldn't see her.

They had been lazily laying around the living room. Christmas music, instrumental, was playing softly in the background while Marissa and Ryan were stretched out in the front of the fireplace, a roaring fire keeping the naked lovers warm in the crisp, early December evening. Alone, they had spent the day making love, enjoying the holiday to the best of their ability despite the circumstances. The ringing of the phone had startled them out of their own private cocoon on the floor.

Ryan had gotten up to answer it while Marissa just curled herself even deeper underneath the down comforter they had been sharing, moving her head to his pillow on the floor and savoring the scent, his scent, that he had left behind on it. As soon as she heard his excited voice on the phone, she sprang up from their bed on the floor, bringing the blanket with her and snuggled together with Ryan into the generous cousins on the couch. He put the phone on speaker so they could both talk to the boys together, as if they were right there with them.

In excited tones, Garrett and Cooper told their Mom everything they had opened so far from their father's family, exclaiming that they had no idea what else Santa could bring them. After assuring them that when they eventually saw each other again they would have presents at Ryan and Marissa's from Santa to open as well, the four talked about their Christmas Day plans and the boys shared with the two eagerly listening adults all the stories about the sites they had seen in London. The minutes flew by and before they knew it, they heard the elder Carnahans, the boys' grandparents, urging them that it was way past their bedtime.

Marissa could hear her sons getting upset, their tones displaying that they did not want to hang up the phone, so she got the idea that she would read them their bedtime story over the phone. After the boys insisted that they were safely in their beds, pajama clad and under the covers, she began to recite, from memory, The Night Before Christmas, and by the time she finished it, Gerry's Mother got on the phone told her Merry Christmas and thanked her for being so gracious in light of the present situation, apologizing for taking her children away from her on a holiday. Marissa barely made it through the conversation without breaking down.

Once she turned off the speaker phone and layed down on the couch, pulling Ryan down with her so she could hold him, the tears finally came as they held each other close. They stayed like that for hours, the afternoon twilight fading into the murky darkness of the night and the room was lit only by the dying embers in the fireplace and the twinkling lights on the tree. No words were needed between them as they silently comforted each other, their bodies entwined tightly as if to reassure the other that they were going no where.

Just as Ryan could sense Marissa dozing off to sleep, she seemed to be exhausted all the time now, he sat up suddenly and moved so that his eyes were looking directly into her own drooping ones.

"Marry me," he said breathlessly, the anticipation over the idea and the need he felt to be with her displayed plainly on his enraptured face. Marissa's eyes snapped open immediately, no longer tired. "I know I don't have a ring, and I really wasn't planning on doing this yet, this way, but being here with you, holding you in my arms all day, I knew that there was no way I could not ask you tonight." When she didn't say anything, her mouth merely falling open in shock and her eyes glazing over with tears, he continued. "I want to be like this, I want us to be this forever, and I'm not talking about just you and me, but your sons as well. I don't just want Garrett and Cooper to be your children; I want them to be ours. No, I take that back. I don't want it; I need it to be like that. I need you, I need your children, I need us," he said at length, "and I'll do anything…."

But his words were cut off as Marissa took his lips into hers and kissed him hungrily as her arms circled around his neck so she could hold him close. She never said a word in answer to his question; that kiss, the way they made love afterwards was the only answer Ryan needed to know that she had agreed to be his wife.

"Marissa, what are you doing," Ryan asked hours later as he stumbled blinding into the bright lights of the kitchen to find his newly made fiancé rummaging distractedly through his kitchen cabinets."

"I wanted some lima beans," her sorrowful voice rang out in answer. Ryan knew that voice. It meant she was crying.

Sighing, he went to her side and took her in his arms after closing the cupboard she had opened. "I don't have any lima beans."

"I know," she exclaimed as even more tears fell down her miserably upset face.

"Do you want me to go out and buy you some," he offered sweetly, desperate to do anything to ebb her tears and pain. "I didn't even know you liked lima beans that much."

"I don't," she lamented again, pulling herself away from him and taking off her shirt to stand there in just her bra and underwear.

Confused, Ryan asked her, "what are you doing?"

"I'm hot," she complained exasperatedly. "I'm hot and I want lima beans, but you don't have any, and it's Christmas Eve and there are no stores open this late on a holiday, so I won't be able to get any."

"Marissa," Ryan tried desperately not to laugh at her strange and bewildering antics, "they're just lima beans. I'm sure you'll be okay without them."

"It's not about the lima beans."

"Oh," he said, his brow wrinkling in puzzlement, "but weren't we just talking about them, isn't that why you're crying, because I don't have any?"

"No, it's okay that you don't have them," she answered, hiccupping. "It's that I wanted them in the first place."

"I don't get it," Ryan shrugged his shoulders as he replied.

"Don't you see the signs," she asked him. He shook his head no, unsure if answering or saying anything else would be a good idea when another fit of tears exploded onto her face. "I'm fat, I'm always tired, I have heart burn, I'm swearing like a pig and it's December, and now I want lima beans. Ryan, put that all together, and you tell me what it means."

"You're not fat," he stressed before even considering anything else she said, "and I guess the rest is just stress."

"Yeah, that's what I thought at first, too, when I started skipping my periods," Marissa agreed, her statement making Ryan's eyes snap to attention, never even leaving her face for a second to blink, "but come on, there are just too many coincidences for this to be all from stress. I'm pregnant."

"That's impossible," Ryan mumbled like a robot. "We always use protection."

"Always," Marissa smirked at him. Just as he went to reiterate his previous position his mind flew back to that fateful day in her former foyer, the day her Mother had pushed them both over the edge, and he knew that she was right.

"We're having a baby," he whispered breathlessly, his head feeling so light he thought he might pass out at any moment. All Marissa did was shake her head yes. "We're, you and I are having a baby," he repeated. "There is a baby growing inside of you right now, our baby," he continued rambling on, a smile, at first small and unsure that eventually became wide and giddy, spreading across his face, his eyes twinkling out of merriment. Without hesitation, he was across the room within seconds, Marissa up in his arms as he twirled her around making her giggle profusely. Finally calming down, he put her back down on the ground and pulled her closely to him, taking her lips in a tender kiss full of wonder and amazement.

"Thank you," he said softly, "thank you for our children."

And with that, they retired to their bedroom too eager and thrilled to go to sleep for many more hours, Ryan constantly staring at Marissa's stomach, though nothing could be seen yet, and running his hands over it, occasionally dipping his head down to kiss her gently, while they talked the night away about the family they were making together, with the both of them, Garrett, Cooper, Q, and the baby their love had created. It was the best Christmas either of them had ever had.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"What's the doctor's name again," Ryan asked Marissa for what might have been the fifth time that afternoon. He was driving her crazy.

"Seagal," she answered, continuing when she saw him start to ask a question, "and before you say it, no, she's not related to Steven Seagal, so don't ask her."

It was a few days past Christmas, and because of the holiday season and cramped bookings, their appointment had to be squeezed in. Rushed, the nurse had already started some of the tests before the doctor came in to see them. Although Marissa had been perfectly content to wait a few weeks for an appointment, she had already called and gotten herself a prescription for prenatal vitamins, Ryan had insisted that they see a doctor immediately. She found his over-protective nature to be absolutely adorable and endearing while at the same time totally exasperating.

Tearing Marissa out of her thoughts, Ryan's anxious voice once again filled the air. "And it's normal for them to draw blood and ask for an….," he gulped slightly uncomfortable with the terminology he was being confronted with during his first trip to an OB-GYN's office, "urinalysis?"

"I'd be worried if they didn't do those tests," she attempted to assure him. When his eyes still appeared apprehensive, she continued. "If you think this is scary, you should have been here when I came in for my first appointment with Garrett. They took so many tests I was positive something was wrong with me, but, at this point, with my third child, everything is pretty routine."

She had been sitting up on the exam chair with Ryan seated beside her, holding her hand tightly the entire time, so when he suddenly stood up and kissed her gently, letting his free hand fall to her stomach, she was slightly surprised for a moment before falling into his embrace. He didn't pull away until they were both breathless. Leaning his head against hers, he looked into her eyes before speaking.

"I wish I would have been here with you then … when you had Garrett and Cooper," he clarified when she looked slightly confused.

"Me, too," she whispered gently before smiling up at him, "but you're here now, and that's all that matters."

For the next few minutes they sat in comfort with each other, talking quietly and simply enjoying the fact that they were at their first doctor's appointment for the baby Marissa was carrying, the child they conceived out of their love. When the door suddenly opened without any warning, both jumped slightly but neither had a chance to say anything as the person entering began to talk even before they turned around to face them. With her back to them as she looked over Marissa's charts, the doctor was completely oblivious to the second person in the room.

"I must tell you, Marissa, how surprised I was to see your name in the appointment books for one of these exams. It's been a while. How old are the boys now?"

"Garrett is ten and Cooper is eight," Marissa answered, a smile forming on her face at the thought of her two sons. "And I was just as surprised as you when I put two and two together and realized I was pregnant. It took me a while."

"I see that," the doctor laughed softly to herself. "The nurse wrote down that you think you're about two and half months along already. Didn't you notice any symptoms before now?"

Sighing and chuckling softly, Marissa answered, her voice slightly self-deprecating, "well, it's been an interesting past few months, so at first, no, I didn't notice, and then I just dismissed them as stress, but eventually…."

"You put two and two together," Dr. Seagal finished for her. "I hope it was at least a pleasant surprise."

Although the doctor could not see Marissa turn to face Ryan as she talked, she did recognize the change in her tone. "You have no idea how good of a surprise it was," Marissa answered her honestly, leaning into Ryan to kiss his lips softly. Just in that moment, the doctor finally turned around.

"Well then, let's get...," her voice trailed off as she finally noticed Ryan. "Who are you?"

Ryan laughed, stood up, and offered his hand to the shocked doctor as he introduced himself. "Ryan Atwood."

"Anne Seagal," the flabbergasted practitioner replied back to him, shaking his hand for several seconds after she introduced herself still so surprised she was not functioning correctly. Finally remembering who she was and where they were at, she regained her ability to talk. "And you're Marissa's….."

"Fiancé," Marissa clarified for her, retaking Ryan's hand in her own as he sat back down in the chair beside her.

"And Mr. Carnahan….I can't think of his first name right now…," the doctor continued to question, her curiosity over the situation overriding her professionalism.

Marissa stunned both Ryan and the doctor with her response. "I fell in love." Turning to Ryan, she squeezed his hand before continuing. "We're getting divorced.

Smiling at the exuberant couple, Dr. Seagal approached them motioning for Marissa to reposition herself so she could begin the physical exam. Already weighed and with her blood pressure checked, the doctor was left with examining her heart, lungs, and breasts. "Well I must tell you, so far, Ryan is definitely doing a better job. He's shown up for an appointment; that's already an improvement over your ex."

"I'll be here for all of them," Ryan spoke up before Marissa had a chance. When she went to protest that it was not necessary, he stopped her. "Every single one."

"That's what I like to hear," the doctor spoke up for him, outnumbering Marissa and making her roll her eyes and grin despite what her protests were going to be. She wanted him there with her, but unaccustomed to the support, she did not know how to accept it easily.

The three of them continued to speak effortlessly with each other, Ryan asking questions the entire time throughout the physical and pelvic exam, something Marissa found slightly humorous, and the doctor happily answering them for him.

Pushing her chair away from the end of the exam chair, Dr. Seagal went back to her desk to take a few notes, speaking the entire time. "You can go ahead and sit up, Marissa, and you were right on the money. It looks like you're exactly ten weeks along, putting your due date right around the first week of July. You could be having yourselves a little patriotic baby."

"All I want is a healthy baby," Ryan answered, his tone soft yet full of emotion, bringing tears to Marissa's eyes and even making the doctor smile warmly at him.

"So far, so good; Marissa is doing excellently," Dr. Seagal complimented. "You don't have to worry too much about this one though," she went on to tease, "as I've told her before, she's a regular baby machine. She loves being pregnant."

Looking at Ryan, Marissa let go of one of his hands and gently placed it on his face, cupping his jaw tenderly. "I already told him that, months ago, before I even became pregnant." Addressing him privately, her voice low and soothing, she playfully ordered, "quit worrying."

Observing the couple's intimate moment, the doctor waited until Marissa sat back up in her chair before talking again. "You're far enough long. Would you like to listen to the heartbeat?"

Ryan just sat on and stared, astonished this was possible already; Marissa wasn't even showing, while Marissa merely shook her head excitedly and pulled Ryan's hands up to her lips and kissed them while the doctor got the doppler ready.

"It's going to be really fast, the heartbeat," Marissa warned Ryan, not wanting him to panic when he heard it for the first time. The doctor merely laughed at her explanation.

"You're lucky Marissa is warning you, Ryan. I forgot to tell her that the first time she heard Garrett's heartbeat. She nearly fainted she was so scared." Marissa blushed at the memory as Ryan chuckled to himself. "She might like to play it cool now, but you should have seen her with her first pregnancy, alone, scared, and nervous about everything. She might have been even worse than you at this same stage all those years ago."

Before Ryan could go and respond, join in on teasing Marissa, the sound of their baby's heartbeat filled the room, completely eradicating any thoughts he had in his head up to that point. Marissa listened silently, eyes glistening with tears of joy, a wide, beaming smile on her face, but Ryan couldn't move. The tiny, rapid, amazing noise filling the room was the most perfect sound that had ever graced his ears and he sat there astounded, enraptured, and in awe of it.

After a moment, Dr. Seagal stood up and quietly excused herself, telling Marissa she would see her in a few weeks for her next check up and that she could get dressed whenever they were ready. Ryan never heard a word that she said, completely moving on autopilot as he helped Marissa zip up her dress and walk out of the room, agreed to without even comprehending the date and time of the next appointment, thanked the receptionist for the list of books he had asked for, and walked with her to his truck.

Without even putting up a fight, he let her drive them home. While Marissa watched on in silent amusement at her fiancé's state of shock, Ryan continued to replay the miraculous sound of their baby's heartbeat in his mind over and over again. Twenty minutes after they arrived home, Marissa entered the kitchen to find Ryan going through the cupboards and fridge. While she had puttered around the house, letting Q out to go the bathroom and switching the laundry, Ryan had sat in the living room starring fixedly into space. Although she was relieved to see that he was once again functioning, his frantic, almost desperate movements scared her slightly.

"What are you doing, Ryan," she asked him softly not wanting to startle him while he rummaged away.

Without turning around to face her, he answered, "looking for something I can fix you to eat."

"Ryan," Marissa complained slightly, unable to not roll his eyes at how ridiculous he was being, "I'm not hungry. I had lunch a couple hours ago, a nice, large, healthy lunch, and I'll cook dinner later."

"Yeah, but you're eating for two now," he argued, stubbornly refusing to give in.

"Me and a two inch fetus," Marissa pointed out, the mocking tone evident in her voice. "It's not I'm carrying a full grown man inside of me."

Ignoring her voice of reason, he continued to ransack the cupboards making Marissa wince as she realized she would have to reorganize them later when he was asleep or distracted. Leaving him alone in the kitchen, she went into their bathroom determined to pull him out of his strange, obsessive mood.

Ten minutes later and completely ready for him, Marissa called out, "Ryan, can you come here for a second, please."

She did not have to wait long for him. He was in the bathroom, breathless and worrying, in less than thirty seconds. "What, what is it, what's wro…" As soon as he saw her, completely immersed in a fragrant bubble bath, hair swept up and a content smile on her face, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"What are you doing," he asked her, the confusion evident on his face.

"Getting you to relax," she answered him, a sly smile playing across her lips. "Now get in."

He did not need to be told twice. Stripping his clothes off in record time, he was sitting behind Marissa in the tub, her body fit snuggly against him, calm and stress-free within a matter of moments. Enjoying the feeling of his pregnant fiancé in his arms, they lingered in the water long after the warmth had left it, their bodies keeping the other warm.

The next evening rolled around, New Year's Eve, to find Marissa lazily lounging around the house waiting for Ryan to return from a mysterious errand he had left to run a few hours earlier. He wouldn't tell her what he was doing or what he was getting; all she knew was that it was for her. The idea of a surprise made her even more anxious for his return.

Although she initially had coaxed and cajoled Ryan into taking her dancing, the idea of her body moving intimately with his on a dimly lit floor the only thing which had convinced him it was a good idea, she had called him an hour before and cancelled the plans, asking him to pick up something from the store to make for dinner. She was exhausted, had heartburn, and, just in general, did not feel well. On second thought, an evening in, alone with Ryan, was exactly how she wanted to spend her New Year's Eve. Only the appearance of two other people could make it any more perfect.

Despite the fact that she had not felt well, Marissa had kept herself quite occupied that day. Very quickly, she was turning Ryan's bachelor pad into a family home, adding personal touches and warmth to it. Hot inside of the house and because it was such a beautiful, sunny day out, she and Q had spent the afternoon working in the yard, pulling weeds and planting, as she told Ryan, very masculine flowers. The work had been strenuous but satisfying, giving her pride in what she had done and making it feel as if she was living in their home and not Ryan's house.

After coming back inside, Q had quickly fallen asleep on the couch in the living room, leaving Marissa alone. She had taken a shower, changed into a pair of Ryan's boxers and a tank top, and wandered back out to the living room to curl up on large, leather chair and indulge in a big bowl of Oreo ice cream and a marathon of Sisters. Until Ryan got back, she would just have to entertain herself.

Bowl practically licked clean and set aside so that she did not have to hold it, completely relaxed in her chair, Marissa was just about to doze off when there was a loud, insistent knock on the front door, the person, whomever it was, annoying her immediately. Dragging her feet and walking towards the door as slowly as possible, she finally reached it, unlocked it, and opened it slowly to reveal her soon-to-be ex-husband glowering at her and Garrett and Cooper standing silent and cowering behind him.

"Took you long enough," Gerry complained, annoyed and sarcastic. "It's not like this place is that big that it would require a lot of moment to reach the front door."

Completely ignoring him, Marissa bent down onto her knees and opened her arms wide for her sons, who, though hesitant at first, ran into them, hugging her as tightly as they could. After a moment, they pulled away, finally smiling, and speaking over each other.

"Where's Ryan, Mom," Garrett asked first. "I brought my new bat so he could pitch to me. Do you think he will, Mom, do you?"

"And what about Q," Cooper added in. At the sound of her name being said by Cooper's voice, the lazy dog launched herself off of the couch and ran towards the little boy, practically pushing him over as she jumped up on him, making Cooper giggle excitedly, a blessedly beautiful sound to Marissa's ears. Gerry sneezed.

"Cooper, why don't you take Q into the backyard and play with her for a few minutes while I talk to your father." While her younger son ran off with dog, eagerly talking to Q the whole time, Marissa turned to Garrett. "Ryan will be home soon. He had to run an errand, but I'm sure he'd be more than happy to play with you later. In fact," she teased him, "there just might be a pitcher's mound in the backyard now." Garrett needed no further encouragement to run outside along with his brother, making Marissa laugh at his predictability. Gerry's voice brought her out of the moment though.

"So, where is lover boy, really, Marissa, sick of you already? It does look like you're putting on a few pounds," Gerry taunted her. "You might want to be careful of that. I'm sure there are plenty of our whores, skinnier and more attractive than you out there that could catch his eye."

"What do you want, Gerry," Marissa asked tiredly. "Not that I'm complaining here, because I always want my boys with me, but you were pretty adamant that I would not see them."

Disgustedly, he spoke while working on his blackberry. "Do you know how hard it is to find suitable child care on New Year's Eve?"

"No," she replied with a smirk on her face, "unlike you, I don't try to pawn my children off onto others." When he didn't say anything back, she changed the topic. "How long do I get to keep them," she asked, unable to keep the hope out of her voice.

Turning his back to her, he walked off without even bothering to look at her while he spoke. "We'll see. My secretary will call you with the details." And with that, as quickly as he appeared, he was gone, which was not necessarily a bad thing.

Just as she went to shut the door, out of the corner of her eye she caught Ryan's truck returning. Unable to keep the smile off of her face, she just stood in the doorway, leaning against the jam, and watched him pull into the driveway, park his truck, and get out, a grin plastered on his face. She noticed his hand did not leave his pocket the whole time, but as soon as he stopped in front of her and kissed her hello, she forgot to ask him what he was holding.

"Was that Gerry just leaving now," he asked her, as he shut the door, his arm wrapped around her waist holding her to him, but before she could say or do anything, there were too very animated boys running at them, throwing themselves around Ryan's legs. No longer tired, her previous discomfort forgotten, Marissa made her way to the kitchen, talking over her shoulder.

"I'm going to go and start dinner and let you men catch up." When they didn't even seem to hear her, she just laughed and went on her way, leaving them to their talk of sports and didn't notice Ryan whispering to the boys and sneaking off to their bedroom holding in his hand his surprise for Marissa.

"Can we open up our presents now, Mommy," Cooper asked, his mischievous face cloaked with the expression of childish innocence and enthusiasm.

Dinner was finished, and Ryan had already volunteered his and the boys service in washing the dishes for her, so Marissa had only three things left on her mind. First, she was dying to know what her surprise was. Ryan had been tight lipped and refused to budge an inch and give her any clues. She also wanted dessert, the fruit salad she had made was calling her name from inside of the fridge. Lastly, she wanted to put her feet up. Swollen and tired, they were currently killing her. Ryan however had other ideas.

"Actually guys," he started while looking over at Marissa and grabbing her hand under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze, looking for her reassurance, "your Mom and I have a couple of things we need to talk to you about."

The four of them moved into the living room, sitting on the couch together, the boys in between the two adults. Curious, the boys remained quiet while Ryan and Marissa began slowly, starting with the safest of topics.

"Well, I guess," Marissa started, her voice displaying her anticipation, "the first thing to tell you is that I got a job. I start working at the hospital in a week."

"Are you going to be a doctor, Mommy," Cooper asked, the awe apparent in his eyes.

"Not quite," Marissa and Ryan both chuckled together, their eyes locking before she continued. "I'm going to be a nurse's assistant, but I'll sometimes help the doctors."

Thinking quietly, Garrett looked at her in wonder. "Will you wear those pajama looking things like the doctors wear, Mommy?"

"Scrubs," Ryan filled in for him, the humor evident in his voice. Garrett shook his head yes. "Yeah, she'll wear those," Ryan answered for her.

"Is that all you have to tell us," Cooper questioned, his eyes straying towards the large pile of presents underneath the Christmas tree that was still up and betraying his desire to open them.

"Actually, no," Ryan continued, unsure of how much Marissa wanted him to say in this situation, but she merely smiled at him and motioned for him to go on. "There are two other things we have to tell you. First of all," he swallowed, slightly nervous, pausing slightly to see the boys both watching him curious, "I asked your Mom to marry me."

"And I said yes," Marissa clarified for them as they turned to her for an answer. Her response brought a large smile to Garrett's face and slight confusion to Cooper's.

"So, then Ryan will be our…."

"Stepdad," Garrett finished for his younger brother. Turning to Ryan, he leaned into his side and gave him a brief hug before turning back to his Mom waiting to hear the last piece of news. The moment did not go unnoticed by Marissa though, and the simple act of a hug gave her the confidence to know that her children would be alright with their last piece of news.

"What's the last thing you have to tell us, Mommy," Cooper asked, no longer able to sit still, fidgeting constantly as his hands practically itched to open his presents from Santa.

"Well, do you know how you asked for a little brother a couple of years ago for your birthday, Cooper?" The little boy nodded his head to show that he remembered. "You might just get one." Comprehension of the meaning of her words began to set in and the younger boy stopped moving completely, his mouth falling open in shock while Garrett's eyes became extremely large as he looked back and forth between the two nervous, embarrassed adults, Ryan so bewildered by the conversation that his ears were a bright red and his brow was covered in beads of sweat. "I'm going to have a baby, in July," Marissa clarified for her children.

Presents suddenly forgotten, the boys just sat there in shock unsure of what to say, questions bombarding their minds. Noticing that they were slightly overwhelmed, Marissa stood up and held out her hands to them, pulling them up after her and walking them into the hallway which led to the bedrooms. "I think I can help you understand this a little better. Come on, I'll show you a picture of what the baby looks like so far and exactly what is going to happen." When Ryan just stayed in his same spot, unmoving, Marissa stopped walking and turned back around towards him. "Are you coming, Ryan?" Giving him a gentle smile, he relaxed and stood up to follow the three of them into their room to get onto the computer. There they remained for well over an hour looking at pictures, answering questions, and talking about the baby together….as a family.

Later that night well after the boys got to open their presents and Marissa got to eat her fruit salad, she was getting ready for bed alone in their bedroom while Ryan read the boys the first chapter out of the Ted Williams' biography he had gotten them for Christmas.

Coming out of the bathroom, teeth brushed, face washed, she went to pick up Ryan's clothes from the day, he had changed quickly so he could read to the boys, and went to put them in the dirty hamper when she felt something heavy on the one side of his pants. Curious, she stuck her hand in his pocket to pull it out and immediately had to sit down, luckily the bed was right there, when she pulled out a small, black, velvet jewelry box. Unable to help herself, claiming in her mind that she would just take a small peak and then put it back where she found it and Ryan would never be the wiser, she opened it to reveal what was undoubtedly her surprise, an engagement ring. It was exactly what she had been secretly hoping for.

It was nothing like her former ring. Sure, large, diamond solitaire rings were beautiful, but they were just too pretentious, too Newport for her. She wanted something simplistic, personal, meaningful, and that's exactly what Ryan had picked out her. It was a dazzling sapphire and diamond wedding band, and when she slipped it on her left ring finger, it felt as if it was made for her hand.

"You weren't supposed to find that," a voice startled her. Looking up, she saw Ryan smirking at her as he walked into the room and sat down beside her. "You couldn't just wait five more minutes could you?" Teasing her, he continued to talk while gently rubbing the back of his hand against the side of her face. "And you wonder where Cooper gets his impatience."

Her eyes filled with tears of love and joy, Marissa cooed out softly, "it's beautiful."

"I know it's not like what you had before, but this just seemed…more you."

"Do you want to know a secret," she asked him laughing quietly. He just nodded his head to show her that he did. "I might have been shopping around a little online, just for fun," she excused herself when he smirked at her, "and this is exactly what I picked out for myself."

"And these blue stones…."

"Sapphires," Marissa answered for him.

"Do you like them," Ryan asked her, his nervousness on full display, "because if you don't we can get something else. I promise you won't hurt my feelings."

Climbing on top of his lap, Marissa giggled before leaning in and kissing him greedily, her arms circling around his neck tightly. "They….are….my….favorite….stones….ever," she answered, punctuating each word with a kiss. Pulling away from him, her playful nature disappeared to be replaced with a stern one. "And if you dare take this ring off my finger I'll never forgive you."

Unable to help himself, Ryan laughed out loud, falling back on their bed and taking Marissa with him. As she just rested on his chest, watching him, he ran his fingers down her sides to hold her by her hips. "I guess you really like that ring then, don't you?"

Without a word, she climbed up off of him, making Ryan frown slightly until he realized what she was doing. Tiptoeing to their bedroom door, she shut it softly and locked it behind her before turning around and grinning at him. Slipping her robe off, Ryan sucked in his breath when he realized that she had nothing on underneath it. Climbing back on top of him and taking his mouth in hers, Marissa's hands, in a flurry of activity, started to undress him desperately.

"I really, really love the ring," she answered him, and for hours that night, she proved it.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Ryan," a slightly out of breath Marissa called out as she wandered into their home laden down with bags of groceries. "Could you help me carry all of this in?"

When there was no answer, she looked in the living room, still not finding him, before going into the kitchen where she saw that he was on the phone. Motioning to her that he would be just one moment, he continued taking notes from the person on the other end of the line. Sitting the bags down on the center island, Marissa pulled out a barstool and sat down to wait for him.

In some ways their lives had changed drastically since New Year's; in other ways, it remained stagnant. Gerry's secretary had called on the second to let her know that the boys' nanny would be picking them up that afternoon. Apparently, Gerry had recovered from his hang over by then, so their small visit did not last long. Although it upset Marissa again to watch her sons being taken away from her, Ryan had been able to keep her distracted and focused upon the baby, alleviating as much stress as possible. He had even insisted that she wait to start work until she had passed her twelfth week mark, seeing as the risk of miscarriage declined drastically after that point.

Once it had gone by and everything remained perfect with the pregnancy, despite some mood swings, cravings, heartburn, and swollen feet, she had started work two weeks before. Armed with a new vehicle, another SUV, one that she liked better, despite it not being a luxury one, because she got to pick it out herself, Marissa had the freedom to go to work and run errands. Plus, it was just the right size for a growing family. Due to the fact that she was training, she was working for a few days in every division of the hospital, getting a feel for wherever she may be placed on a permanent basis. She loved her work, and, for the first time since high school, she was making friends on her own based upon whether or not people liked her for who she was and not for her status in society.

As she sat there, waiting for him, lost in thought, Ryan couldn't help but watch her, a smile flashing across his face despite what he was being told over the phone. He thought she looked adorable in her scrubs, and although, to the normal, untrained eye who had not studied every square inch of her body, she didn't appear pregnant, Ryan could just barely make out her slight bump. Her hair was swept up in a messy ponytail, curling wisps escaping the confining restraints of the rubber band holding her hair back, her makeup was minimal and completely unnecessary, he thought, and her skin glowed. Sitting there, oblivious to the world around her, Marissa looked content, which was something he often didn't see on her face, and the sight of it made him sigh a quiet breath of relief. Too bad he was about to shatter that feeling of ease.

Clicking the phone off and putting it and his worries aside for a moment, Ryan shuffled over to his fiancé and wrapped his arms around her neck, gently drawing her to him as he kissed her hair.

"Hey," he said softly not wanting to startle her.

Surprising him, Marissa turned around on her seat and stood up quickly, kissing him hello, and then taking his arms off of her neck to grasp his hands in an attempt to pull him after her, but he stood still. "Hey," she returned. "How was your day?"

"I'd much prefer to hear about yours, but," he amended when he saw her go to protest, "it was good. I finished the crowd molding today, so that next week I can start gold leafing it." Laughing at her confused expression, he continued. "I'll show you what it is later. Now, tell me about your day. Are you feeling alright? You and baby aren't too tired are you?"

"We feel great," she answered honestly. "Work was easy today. I'm in the lab for the next week, so basically I sit a lot, but it was cool, too, very interesting and kind of like I got to work on a bunch of science experiments." Ryan laughed before she could say anything else. "But, I do need your help to carry in the groceries, so come on." With that, she finally managed to pull him towards the front door, and they walked outside towards her car hands linked.

"So who was on the phone when I came in," Marissa asked curiously as she supervised Ryan loading the bags into his arms after he insisted that she not carry anything else inside. "It looked pretty serious."

"It was," he agreed with her, "and I was hoping to distract you for a little while and make you relax some before telling you, but it was your lawyer on the phone. The trial date has been set."

"And," she pressed him, "when it is?"

Stopping their movements and making her look up at him, he answered, "March 1st." When she went to protest, he continued. "Apparently, Gerry paid another visit to whoever his connection is, and he got the trial date pushed up."

"We're not prepared. I mean, we haven't even really started to work on the case," she lamented, worry replacing the former happiness which had been on her face.

"I know, I know, so that's why I set up an appointment to meet with Mr. Taylor next week." Signaling that they should move their discussion into the house with a slight nod, Ryan picked up the last bags and Marissa shut the hatch of the SUV. "Because of your work schedule, I made it for….am I carrying two bags of grapefruit?"

Bewildered by Ryan's sudden topic change, it took Marissa a moment to answer. "What….oh, yeah, they looked good."

"When I told you to get some fresh fruit for yourself, I meant a variety, not the entire stock of one kind of fruit," he teased her.

"So…I like grapefruit, and I can eat it for breakfast, lunch, and snacks." When he just smirked at her, she rolled her eyes and offered an explanation. "Fine! As soon as I saw them, I started craving them, okay?"

"Did you buy everything in bulk," he quizzed her, smiling at her pout and waiting for her to open the front door for him.

"No," she replied, sticking her tongue out and giggling when he leant forward to capture it with his mouth, narrowing escaping him. "Everything else that I bought was normal."

"At least it's a healthy craving," he conceded, dumping the numerous bags of groceries on the counter as they worked together to put them away.

"Are you done interrogating me about my food selections?" When he nodded his head to show her he was through, she changed the subject. "Good. Now, back to this trial, when did you make out appointment for next week?"

"Oh, I made it for Friday night after you get off of work. I figured you wouldn't want to miss any more work than you're going to have to, what with the trial, then the baby, and eventually, hopefully, our honeymoon, and I know that Friday is going to be crazy, because we have the doctor's appointment that afternoon during your lunch break, but I figured, I'd make you relax during the weekend and pamper you for Valentine's Day."

"Ryan, we don't have to celebrate Valentine's Day."

"Uh, yeah we do," he corrected her. Watching her closely, he moved to her, tilting her chin up to look at him while he asked the next question. "You've never celebrated it before have you?"

"Have you," she returned, smiling smugly when his smirk turned into a frown. "That's what I thought," she boasted.

"Well….I….um…..," Ryan began, obviously hedging the conversation until she mock glared at him. "I always made sure that whenever I attempted to date someone for a couple of weeks…."

"So you could get laid," Marissa finished for him, her voice serious but her eyes mischievous and teasing.

"Yeah, what you said, anyway," he continued, "I always made sure that I broke up with them before a holiday approached, so…."

"Alright," she conceded, "we'll celebrate Valentine's Day for the first time together this year." Moving her eyes away from his, she spoke softly. "And I might have already got you a little something….."

"Same here," he confessed before kissing her. Pulling back, he had a smile stretched wide across his face. "So, we have a couple of hours before dinner, whatever should we do with ourselves?"

Dodging his lips again, Marissa wiggled out of his grasp and ran towards the backyard, grabbing Q's leash on her way. "Walk Q," she shouted over her shoulder before she disappeared, leaving a slightly disappointed yet amused Ryan shaking his head after her as he followed his giggling fiancé outside to find their lazy, self-involved dog.

"So, what will it be," Dr. Seagal asked the exuberant couple in front of her, "do you want to know the sex of the baby?"

"Yes," Marissa answered excitedly, the anticipation evident in her face while Ryan shouted out the opposite answer.

"Absolutely not," he contradicted her, leaving them staring at each other confused and unsure of what to do while the doctor just laughed at them.

"I'll tell you what," Dr. Seagal interrupted their staring session, "I'll print out a picture for you, go and get it while Marissa gets dressed, come back so we can talk, and I'll tell her the sex at the end of the appointment after Ryan leaves the room. How does that sound?"

The couple, with smiles once again upon their faces, nodded in accordance prompting the doctor to leave the room, chuckling softly to herself.

Helping Marissa into her shirt after she wiped off the gel from the ultrasound, Ryan couldn't help but bring up the sex of the baby again. "You really want to know," he asked her. "I mean, I just think, you know, waiting until the baby is born would be…fun."

"I've done that twice," Marissa answered him, "and besides, I think I already know what I'm having and I want to see if I'm right, but it's fine that you don't want to know. I'll keep my lips sealed." Leaning in to kiss her, Ryan, for several moments, prevented her from speaking. "Or you could keep doing that and I won't get a chance to talk," she giggled, sitting back down in the chair to wait for the doctor to return. Right on cue, Dr. Seagal came through the door, photo in hand, passing it off to Ryan to hold while they talked.

"So, Ryan, you told me you had some questions at the beginning of the appointment. What can I answer for you?"

"Grapefruit," he started, "is that a normal craving?"

Laughing, she shook her head yes. "All women crave different things during their pregnancies, and as long as Marissa doesn't start asking for things like dirt, chalk, or paint chips, then she's fine." As she noticed the bewildered expression on Ryan's face, she explained. "Women with pica can crave those things, and often it's a sign of anemia. But, Marissa, if you're really craving citrus, I'm going to give you a prescription of Abreva just in case you start to develop cold sores, alright?"

"Thanks," Marissa replied. "I'll have Ryan fill that this afternoon."

"Do you have any other questions," the doctor inquired, turning back to Ryan.

"Her feet swell," he confessed. "Is there anything you can give her to help with that?"

"Normally, women can take water pills, but because she's pregnant, that's not an option," the doctor explained. "You need to watch her salt intake, really monitor her diet, make sure she drinks plenty of fluids, see to it that she sits with her legs and feet elevated while avoiding crossing her legs, she needs to wear loose, comfortable clothing and loose, supportive shoes, and try to not let her remain on her feet for long periods of time. If the problem persists, we'll have to watch her blood pressure, and if it gets too high, she might be at risk for toxemia, which will lead to bed rest."

"I'm fine," Marissa argued, dismissing Ryan's concerns, "it's nothing that bad. If I'm on my feet a lot at work, my feet swell slightly. Ryan just worries too much."

"It's good that he worries about you," the doctor chided Marissa. "Just because you've had two easy, worry free pregnancies, doesn't mean you can dismiss things like this. You're older, our bodies change constantly, and each pregnancy is different. Ryan's doing exactly what he should be doing, asking me this."

"What about stress," Ryan interjected. "We're about to start the custody trial in a couple of weeks."

"Just watch her, observe how she's feeling. You'll sense if anything is wrong. I'll send some brochures home with you about battling and coping with stress for you to read over, and if you have any questions, you can always call the office or go online. There are numerous websites where you can find out any information that I could tell you. I'll write a couple of them down on the brochures." Standing up, she ushered for Ryan to join her, walking him to the door. "Relax, Marissa will be just fine. You're doing a great job with this, by the way. I'll see you at the next appointment." With that, she shut the door after slightly pushing him out of the room and turned around to face an amused Marissa who was merely laughing softly at Ryan's antics. "So Mom, ready to know if you're having a boy or a girl?"

"I've been ready," Marissa answered truthfully, her eagerness apparent on her face.

"What do you think you're having," the doctor prodded her.

Rubbing her stomach, Marissa looked up at the woman across from her, her eyes slightly glazed over. "A girl," she responded.

Opening the door, and motioning for Marissa to come with her, Dr. Seagal finally spoke up. "Mother's intuition, it's an amazing thing." And with that, she went off down the hallway to find Ryan's brochures, leaving Marissa behind with an expression of pure joy etched over her countenance as she stared down at the daughter she was carrying.

The late afternoon meeting with Mr. Taylor, Marissa's attorney, was not going as smoothly as the doctor's appointment had earlier that day. Ryan, basically a quiet bystander, sat back silently watching as his fiancé and her lawyer argued endlessly about the best way to approach her case. While Taylor wanted to hire a private investigator to see if they could unearth any dirt on Gerry, Marissa was adamant that she win the case based solely upon her credentials as a mother. All three of them knew that Gerry would not play by the same clean, child-friendly rules, but Marissa did not want to stoop to his level. She believed that they would be able to win the case without having to paint her soon-to-be ex as the horrible excuse for a human being that he was.

Despite his best intentions and honest opinion as a professional, Taylor was unable to convince his client to let him run the case the best way he saw fit, so they ended their meeting with Marissa the victor and pleased with herself for getting her way and the lawyer frustrated, annoyed, and completely clueless as to how he was going to win custody for the woman he was representing, the party who deserved to raise Garrett and Cooper. As Marissa left the office to go the bathroom before she and Ryan proceeded to make their way home, Taylor pulled Ryan aside to speak to him privately.

"Mr. Atwood," he began only to have Ryan interrupt him.

"Please, Mr. Taylor," Ryan admonished, "call me Ryan. I have a feeling we're going to be seeing quite a bit of one another, so you don't have to be so formal."

"Well then, in that case," the attorney smiled at him, "please call me Evan. I need you to do me a favor." Knowing he had Ryan's full attention, he continued. "I need you to convince Marissa to speak out about the abuse. Now, she hasn't admitted anything to me," he explained when he saw Ryan attempt to protest, "and I doubt she has said anything to you either, but we both know that he hit her, and it's essential that the judge know exactly what kind of man Gerry is. Plus, those boys should not be with a man who would ever hit a woman."

"Mr. Tay….Evan," Ryan began, scrubbing his face in a tired manor, "if Marissa will not even admit that Gerry hit her to you or me, how is she ever going to admit it to a courtroom full of strangers she doesn't trust. You and I both know that it happened, but think about how she must feel about it. She stayed with him for years while the abuse continued. Admitting that it happened would be embarrassing for her. It's not about protecting Gerry, I know for a fact that she hates him; it's about protecting her boys from ever learning what their father did to her and about protecting herself. She has too much pride to confess what went on in her marriage to anyone, and, to be honest, I completely understand that."

Heaving an exasperated sigh, Evan dejectedly collapsed into his leather chair behind his desk. "Well then, I guess I have my work cut out for me. Don't worry though," he said as he looked up at the younger man in front of him, "I'll figure something out. Enjoy your weekend, Ryan, and tell Marissa I'll be in touch with her next week."

"Thanks, Even," Ryan said quietly. "And the same goes to you, enjoy your weekend as well." With that, he disappeared through the door, closing it softly behind him so that he could not see the attorney bury his head in his hands in a defeatist manor.

Surprising Marissa, Ryan had planned a whole day for the two of them to spend Valentine's Day together. After sleeping in late Saturday morning, practically rising at lunch time, they had spent the afternoon at the beach, lounged in each others arms, talking, resting, and reading, just enjoying the beautiful, sunny, February day and each others company. He had packed them a picnic lunch with grilled salmon, a squash medley, pasta salad, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert, a meal, thankfully, in Ryan's opinion, free of grapefruit or anything else related to it. Snacking on the food all day long, they occasionally got up from their tiny oasis on the public beach to play like two innocent children, even going so far as flying a kite, something which made Marissa giggle endlessly.

As the sun went down over the ocean, casting amber, garnet, and amethyst shadows over the smooth, mirror like surface of the waters, the two lovers strolled down the almost deserted beach, bodies joined together as they kept the other warm, the coolness of the night already settling in. Their day had been simple, unique, flawless, innocently fun and causal just as Ryan and Marissa were as a couple. It was a day they would remember forever, a day they would relish sharing every single detail with their grand children someday. Upon returning home though, they settled in for an evening that would always remain private between just the two of them.

After exchanging gifts with each other, Ryan's gift to Marissa a video camera for her to record memories of their children for posterity and Marissa's gift to Ryan, an assortment of sexy lingerie that she would be able to wear while pregnant, gifts Marissa insisted would not be used at the same time, the two were curled up in each other's arms, completely clothed still, just quietly whispering to each other and, every few moments, looking at the ultra sound picture again.

"I can't believe that the baby can already suck its thumb," Ryan exclaimed for what might have been the tenth time. Smiling down at their unborn child, thumb in mouth in the photo, Marissa couldn't help but fall deeper in love with Ryan as she watched him sit in awe of the miracle inside of her, his hand rhythmically caressing the small bump on her abdomen.

"It can do more than suck its thumb," Marissa said softly. "I remember reading years ago when I was pregnant with Garrett that by the time a baby is four months old they can also yawn, stretch, and make faces."

"And it's only about six inches long….how is that even possible," he asked in wonder.

"The baby's amazing…and obviously, it takes after its Mother," Marissa taunted, laughing when she saw Ryan merely agree with her. "You were supposed to tease me back," she reprimanded him.

"But you are amazing," he argued with her, brushing a feather light kiss against her forehead before she climbed out of his arms and scampered towards the bathroom.

"Well, for that," she playfully cooed, "you get a treat." Disappearing into the bathroom, Ryan assumed she would be out within a few minutes, but as the hands on the clock ticked by steadily, his once wide awake eyes glazed over with sleep and drooped closed as the quiet settled over the house. Startling him out of his light slumber, Marissa exited the bathroom forty five minutes later, bathed, ready for bed, and grinning oh-so-not innocently.

As Ryan opened his eyes to gaze at his fiancé, he was pleasantly amazed to see that she was wearing one of his presents. With only a pastel pink, whispery, georgette, pleated, baby doll on, slightly see through to entice Ryan even more, Marissa made her way to him, sliding down onto the bed and taking his mouth in a leisurely kiss. As she helped him strip, her mouth never leaving his, his hands danced over her body, caressing it softly and exciting her passion to even high levels.

Once he was completely rid of his clothes, Marissa stepped back from him, much to his initial dismay, but as he became aware of what she was doing, his temporary separation from her body was bearable. Painstakingly slowly, she sat down in a chair across from the bed, and let her hands run the length of her right leg until she reached her foot where she slipped her matching stiletto off and set it down on the ground before giving the same treatment to her left leg. Ryan watched her, his eyes trained unwaveringly upon her every move.

Standing back up, she swayed her hips from side to side as she slowly glided her barely-there thong down her legs, stepping out of it once it landed on the floor. Turning around before she bent over to pick it and the shoes up, she raised her body gradually letting Ryan enjoy the sight she made for as long as possible. Walking across the room, she placed her shoes and thong in the closet, turning around to make her way back to her eager fiancé. Standing in front of him, legs slightly spread, hands on hips, her eyes roamed his aroused body, smiling broadly at the response her strip tease was invoking.

Finally deciding that she had made him wait long enough, her hands wandered to the hem of the baby doll, lifting it unhurriedly over her head and tossing it aside so that she stood in front of him completely nude and waiting for him to take her. Screaming out in surprise and pleasure as Ryan launched himself out of the bed, taking her in his arms, and entering her before his mouth could even greedily take hers in an endless kiss, he lustfully pushed her up against the wall. Their love making was wild, frantic, desperate, and completely satisfying, leaving her slumped over on his chest as he supported her in his arms while they both regained their breath.

Carrying her over to the bed, her arms still entwined around his neck, they lounged against the headboard together, kissing and feeling every square inch of each others bodies, slowly, this time, bringing their desire and need to the point where they craved each other. As Ryan and Marissa made love into the night, over and over again, Cupid slept soundly that evening, knowing that he had created at least one perfect couple who had celebrated his holiday in a divinely beautiful way…together, as one.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Marissa had a lot on her mind, not the least of which was the trial. To put it mildly, the proceedings with the custody trial were not going smoothly for Marissa and Ryan. Gerry's lawyer had presented their case first. Although one witness, his current nanny for the boys, was used as a character witness for him, the majority of their witnesses were there to paint Marissa and, at times, Ryan as well, in a bad light, the worst of which had been her mother. Shocked by what she said about her, Marissa knew that Julie had worked out some sort of monetary deal with Gerry in order to show her daughter in the worst possible light, and it worked.

Always the melodramatic actress, Julie appeared in her most conservative, Grandmother suit, handkerchief included, the day she was called as a witness. Sitting on the stand, she had delved into Marissa past, bringing up her lack of education, resulting in the fact that she would not be able to provide for her children in the same vein that Gerry could. She exaggerated and sensationalized the fact that Marissa had a tendency for depression, but completely skipped over what might have elicited that response in her daughter in the past, never once saying anything negative about Gerry. Finishing up her damaging testimony, only some of which Mr. Taylor, Marissa's lawyer could refute or disclaim, Julie gave her version of the fateful day in October when she had stopped by to see Marissa, and Ryan had showed up as well. That combined with Marissa's apparent pregnancy, she had refused to hide it, too excited about her unborn child, embracing her newfound curves and highlighting her bump by wearing clingy, wrap dresses, dresses that Ryan said she looked amazing in, made it evident that she and Ryan had been having an affair for quite some time before they were caught.

Sticking to her word, Marissa had refused to sling mud at Gerry. Instead they had relied upon character witnesses. Calling professionals such as teachers, administration, and doctors who had seen her with the boys, her lawyer had shown how much of a devoted, loving, and attentive parent she was. They had even called upon a character witness for Ryan, so as to show that he would be a reliable, steady, supportive parental figure for the children once they were married. Although they had helped their cause, there was nothing that could erase or eradicate the fact that she was the cheating wife who had broken up a household which, to the outside person looking in, was a happy one.

The next day was the last day of the closed court trial, and, despite Marissa's best efforts to fight the decision, the judge was going to meet with the boys, privately, in chambers to speak with them about their parents and their preferences as to where they wanted to live. Marissa's attorney was excited about this development, something he had spoke to the judge about without consulting Marissa, insinuating that there was more to this case than what met the eye, but Marissa did not want her children subjected to a trial, to being interviewed, or to being put in a position where they could determine the outcome of the case, perhaps alienating one of their parents in the process. Despite her objections, the judge had been adamant. Following his meeting with Garrett and Cooper, he would make his decision the next day.

To add to the weight already on her shoulders and the inevitable stress that a trial such as the one they were involved in would cause, there had been a message on her cell phone that afternoon from her boss. During normal circumstances, the message would have been good news, but with their future uncertain, it just confused Marissa even more. Ryan, seemingly sensing her distracted and anxious mood, had insisted that he give her a backrub. After playfully fighting with her about dinner, he had forced her to take a relaxing bath while he went out and picked up supper for them. They had eaten in relative comfort and peace in the living room, curled up on the couch while watching a movie, but as the evening wore on and the silent stretches of time seemed to only grow and compound, he realized that something else was bothering her besides the trial. He knew she would talk to him eventually once she had her ideas sorted out in her own mind first, but, while he waited, he helped her relax by giving her a massage. It had seemed to help. Her breathing regulated, her body became less tense, and, as he continued to caress and knead her sore muscles, he felt her softly fall into his body, letting his strong one support hers, a sign that she was ready to talk. Startling Ryan slightly, Marissa spoke softly, initiating the conversation.

"I got a phone call today," she began, her voice tentative and shy. "It was my boss. She called to let me know that there was an opening at another hospital where I could work and they'd pay for my LPN training as part of my salary. I guess," she literally shrugged, "they're really short staffed and desperate for new nurses."

"Well, that's good news, isn't it," Ryan asked, confused as to why this information had sent her into a tailspin of silence, deep thought, and apprehension. Continuing, he pressed on. "Which hospital is it? How much farther would your commute be?"

Sitting up in bed so she could see his expression when she told him the rest of the news, Marissa took Ryan's hand in hers, needing to feel him close to her. "That's the thing," she began hesitantly, her fear written plainly all over her beautiful face, "I wouldn't be able to commute; we'd have to move….to Santa Rosa."

Uncertain, Ryan questioned, "Santa Rosa…."

"It's just outside of San Francisco, but that's all I know about it. I don't know if it's a good neighborhood to raise children, what the market would be like for your job, or what the real estate is like there." Swallowing thickly, she pressed on. "I really don't know anything other than the fact that this would be an amazing opportunity for me, but there are so many ifs, so many unanswered questions." When he was silent for several moments, merely staring off into space with an overwhelmed look upon his countenance, she began to get frightened. Needing him to say something, she let go of his hands and gently cupped his face to lock gazes with him. "Ryan, please, say something….anything. You're scaring me here."

"I just….um…..wow," he stumbled out. Giving her a sideways smile, her apprehension began to diminish as he continued, finally capable of comprehendible sentences. "I've got to tell you, this is the last thing I was expecting you to say to me today, but it's exciting, isn't it? I mean….getting a fresh chance. Just you, me, and our family living somewhere where no one knows what happened, where we wouldn't be judged for falling in love under less than ideal circumstances, where we could make a future….together." Stopping to think, his eyes left hers briefly as he searched his mind for an answer to the silent question he was asking himself. "I don't think it would be a problem for me to relocate my business to well….anywhere that you might have to move. My credentials, my references will travel with me, so I think the big question will be…."

"The boys," she finished for him. He nodded to show that he was thinking the same exact thing. "I'm not worried about them changing schools. They're young, well adjusted children. I think they'd be excited to move, but we have to win custody first."

"And what if we don't," Ryan questioned. "I know you want to be positive, but Marissa, let's face the facts. The trial has not gone our way so far. There's a very good chance Gerry will win custody."

Her strong resolve crumbling, silent tears slipped down her face, each one stabbing Ryan in the heart because he could not take this pain go away for her. "I know it's foolish and unpractical, but I just keep thinking how could a judge give my boys to a man who does not even know them, a man who does not know how to love." Taking her in his arms, they leaned back against the headboard of the bed, Marissa letting Ryan's strong arms support and comfort her while he methodically, soothingly ran his hands across her stomach, silently reminding both of them that despite all their current issues they did have one thing to be thankful for, their healthy, growing, unborn child. "If we don't win custody," she almost choked out, the sheer idea sending her mind and body into panic, "I can't leave them here; I won't be able to leave them behind."

Kissing the top of her head, Ryan pulled her even tighter to his body, desperate to offer her some form of reassurance. "Oh, Baby, I know that, and I'd never ask you to leave. At this point," he admitted, a blush creeping onto his ears, "I'm not sure I'd be able to leave them behind either. I know I'm not their father, but I….I feel like their Dad."

Knowing what he was trying to say and falling in love with him even more for it, Marissa, for the first time that evening, smiled. "They love you, too," she simply stated, kissing the arm that was wrapped around her body.

After a moment, Ryan spoke up. "So we wait," he said calmly. "Let's see how tomorrow goes, and from there, we'll make our decision." Turning off the bedside lamp, they settled down into the bed together, Marissa's body cocooned into his. "No matter what happens tomorrow," Ryan's voice broke the silence, "we're going to be okay. I don't care what we have to do or how long we have to fight, but we will bring your boys home. I promise."

With Ryan's comforting words echoing through her mind and his body wrapped around hers, Marissa was finally able to relax and fall asleep, resting her exhausted mind and body, something she needed to do desperately, not only for her health but that of their baby's as well.

Groaning inwardly as she saw Gerry walking into the conference room at the same time that she did, Marissa silently calmed her own angry thoughts down. Remaining composed, she took a seat beside her lawyer as Gerry did the same thing. Ryan had dropped her off at the door of the courthouse before going to park the car. Ever worried about her, he did not want her on her feet any more than necessary. While sitting there, Marissa, who's back was towards the door to the judge's chambers, and Gerry, who was too absorbed with a his blackberry, did not see the Honorable Judge Henry Wallace enter the room as he hung back to watch the two contesting parents interact with their children. He, through his secretary, had conveyed to the children's nanny that she was to bring the boys up a few minutes early and let them speak with their parents. Although a risk because the adults would have the opportunity to sway their children's opinion, he needed to see both Marissa and Gerry in action as parents. The plan did not disappoint.

Looking up when she heard the door open, Marissa expected to see Ryan walking into the room, but when she saw Garrett and Cooper, both slightly scared and fidgeting in their formal suits, she immediately jumped out of her seat and ran towards the two boys who were already sprinting towards her. Kneeling down so that she was at their level, her arms flew around their little bodies as they clung to her desperately, burying their faces in her neck. After a moment, Marissa pulled back wanting to see their faces again, a smile spread across her own and tears of joy threatening to pool out of her eyes.

"I've missed you two so much," she said as she hastily wiped her tears away. "How have you been? How's school? Have you been doing your homework, listening to your teachers? Have you been looking after each other?" Her questions spilled out one over the other, giving the boys no chance to answer any of them. "Let me get a good look at the both of you."

As they stood in front of her, grinning excitedly, Marissa playfully inspected them. "I swear, Garrett, I think you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you. Have you been eating your vegetables," she teased.

Laughing, Garrett responded, "Yes, Mommy, and have you been eating your vegetables?" Confused at his question, she just stared at him blankly, making him chuckle again. "The baby, Mom, I can see it in your tummy."

Ruffling his hair, Marissa stood up and moved towards her purse. "Trust me, Ryan makes the baby and I eat well. Do you want to see a picture of the baby?" Nodding their heads, both boys moved with her and stood by her side, practically on top of her, as if they were afraid she'd leave again if they let her out of their sight. Pulling the picture out of her purse, she handed it to the boys. "That was taken a couple of weeks ago. See, look here," she pointed out, "the baby is sucking its thumb."

Grinning broadly, Cooper looked up at his Mom revealing that he had lost a tooth. "Where is Ryan, Mommy?"

"He's parking the car," she explained before gasping in feigned shock. "Did you loose another tooth? Did the tooth fairy visit you?" Suddenly, the smile on the little boy's face fell away only to be replaced with a frown. "What's wrong baby," Marissa asked in concern, sitting down in a chair and pulling Cooper onto her lap. "Please tell Mommy what's wrong."

"It's just," Cooper began, sniffling slightly, "Father said that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy, that only babies believe in stuff like that, so I'm not allowed."

Hugging her sad son tightly, Marissa kissed his head, talking quietly in a soothing tone. "I'm so sorry, honey." At a loss for words and furious that Gerry did that to him, Marissa could not say anything else and was relieved to see Ryan walk into the room, because as soon as Cooper saw him, he leapt out of her lap and ran to Ryan. Jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly, Marissa couldn't help buy smile at the sight her fiancé and youngest son made in front of her. Standing up, she took Garrett by the hand and they went to join them.

"Hello to you, too, Cooper," Ryan chuckled pulling Garrett to his side as he hugged him as well. "And how have my best buds been lately?"

"We have a pet snake in science class," Cooper shouted out in excitement. "The girls really don't like it, but the teacher lets me take care of it. I named him Ted because Garrett told me your favorite baseball player of all time is Ted Williams."

"That he is," Ryan agreed, ruffling Garrett's hair affectionately as he put Cooper back down. "And how about you, Garrett, anything exciting happen since your Mom and I saw you last?"

Thinking for a moment, Garrett responded, "I kicked a grand slam last week to win the kick ball game in gym, and…..oh, I read more books than anyone else in my class last month."

"That's wonderful, honey," Marissa beamed at her son, hugging him again. "We'll have to do something to celebrate soon."

"How's Q," Cooper asked all of a sudden serious. "Has she missed me?"

"Terribly," Ryan emphasized. "She refuses to sleep anywhere but your bed now. She can't wait to see you two again."

As the four members of what was obviously the true family in the room continued to talk and catch up, Gerry finally finished his email. Noticing what was going on, he quickly moved out of his chair and to the boys' side, taking them both by the hand and attempting to pull them away from their Mother and Ryan.

"That's enough," he admonished them strictly. "What did I tell you? You were supposed to sit down and sit quietly until the judged asked to see speak with you!"

Before anyone could say anything else, the judge quickly stepped in stopping both Ryan and Marissa from arguing with Gerry. "That's alright, Mr. Carnahan, the boys can come with me now."

Instead of looking at their father for permission, they turned to Marissa with pleading eyes. "It'll be alright, boys. He just wants to ask you a few questions. Just tell him the truth, and everything will be fine," she told them soothingly.

Shredding her heart, Cooper began to get tears in his eyes and Garrett took his hand to offer his little brother some comfort, despite the fact that his own lip was quivering. "Will we get to go home will you today, Mommy," Cooper asked. "I want to live with you and Ryan."

"We'll see, baby, we'll see," Marissa answered her distraught son, taking both Garrett and Cooper in her arms once more for a quick hug. Pulling away, she plastered a fake smile on her face in an attempt to calm their nerves. "Now, go on, the judge is waiting."

As they disappeared through the door into the judge's chamber, Marissa's tranquil exterior cracked. Wanting Ryan, she made her way towards him only to be stopped by Gerry. "I see mine is bigger than his," he smirked nodding towards the engagement ring on her left hand.

Looking him up and down, the disdain she felt for him evident on her face, Marissa replied smugly, "not even close," as she moved away from her ex and into the waiting arms of her fiancé.

Wanting to put the two Carnahan boys at ease, Judge Wallace had borrowed his grandson's Playstation, setting it up in his office. As the three of them sat down to talk and play, he began their conversation causally, calming both Garrett and Cooper down quickly.

"Do you boys like to play video games," he asked, handing them both a controller as he picked one up himself. "I hope you don't mind but I brought Madden with me. It's my grandson, Lucas's, favorite game."

"Yes sir," Garrett answered him politely. "Ryan plays video games with us all the time when we get to stay at his house."

"You boys can call me Hank," the judge told him kindly.

"Like Hank Aaron," Garrett spoke up again, this time his voice showing more animation. "Ryan told me all about him when he gave me his baseball card to add to my collection."

"I guess it's like Hank Aaron," the judge said with a smile before moving the conversation in another direction. "So I take it you two like your Mom's fiancé, Ryan?"

"He's really cool," Cooper piped up eagerly. "He plays baseball with us, takes us to games, tells us stories, and he has a dog, Q. She got hurt during the summer, but she's all better now."

Prying further, he pushed them on. "And is he nice to your Mommy?"

"She's always happy when she's with Ryan," Cooper answered him, his eyes never wavering from the television screen, but Garrett put his remote down letting Cooper take the lead and turned to look at the judge seriously.

"She doesn't cry with Ryan, and she's never sad or quiet when she's with him."

Finding this interesting, the judge quit playing as well. "But she cried and was quiet and sad with your Father, Gerry?"

"Yeah, well, we all have to be quiet when he's around. He gets mad and does bad things if we're not," Cooper replied softly. "That's what made Mommy cry, when our Father got mad. He would yell at her, and…."

"And what, Garrett," Judge Wallace inquired. "What else would your Father do to your Mother?"

Picking up on the conversation, Cooper stopped playing the video game and lowered his head to stare at his hands. "Mommy doesn't know we know," he spoke up.

Now worried, Hank moved his chair so that he was sitting in front of both boys, making them look up at him. "I need you both to be really brave and tell me what would happen. Whatever you tell me stays between the three of us. I won't say anything, so you won't get in trouble, I promise."

Sharing a hesitant look, Garrett finally spoke up. "Sometimes, when Mommy wouldn't listen to what Father told her….he would hurt her."

"Hurt her how," the judge asked for more information.

"He would hit her, push her down, squeeze her arm really hard so that she would cry out, and, once, when he was really mad, I saw him kick her." Stopping for a second to wipe his tears away, Garrett looked up at the older man sitting across from him. The judge could swear he was silently pleading for help with his eyes. "Mommy never told us what happened, but we'd see it sometimes. She always told us it was an accident when we asked about her boo-boos."

Sitting back in his chair, Judge Wallace acquired the classic thoughtful pose by putting his hand on his chin. "And what about Ryan, has he ever hurt your Mom like your Father used to?"

This time it was Cooper who answered, his voice strong, confident, and slightly annoyed at the implications the judge was making. "Ryan would never hurt Mommy. He loves her."

"I didn't think he would either, Cooper," Hank assured the little boy. "I just wanted to check." Standing up, he moved towards his desk. "I have some work to do, but why don't you two keep playing your video games. If you're hungry, there are some cookies on the table behind you, and there's some juice in the little fridge there by the wall." Showing the two boys where they could find the refreshments with a wave of his hand, the judge sat down to his desk, eager to write up his verdict.

Walking into the conference room, Judge Henry Wallace had to keep the smile off of his face; he needed to remain the constant professional, but it was decisions like the one he made today which made him love his job. Sitting down at the front of the table, he let his eyes wander over the two parties awaiting his verdict. On the right side of him sat Gerry Carnahan, respected businessman working away diligently on his blackberry, shrugging off his lawyer's attempts to make his shut it down, while, on the left side sat Marissa Carnahan and her fiancé, Ryan Atwood. Their eyes were glued to the judge, and he could see their hands joined as they gave each other support. Clearing his throat, he looked down at the statement he had prepared before walking into the room and decided to forego the speech and, instead, speak from his heart.

"As you may have assumed, I am sitting in front of you right now, because I have reached a verdict, but this has not been an easy case to try. Initially, as is customary, I was leaning towards Mrs. Carnahan, because she is a Mother, and, even though it might be old-fashioned of me, I am always one to give custody of children to their mothers first, but this was before I started hearing the testimony of this case. Once the witnesses began to take the stand, I started to rethink my original position on this case. Adultery is not something I take lightly, and that on top of Mrs. Carnahan's mother's testimony about her tendencies towards depression made me reconsider in the favor of Mr. Carnahan. However," the judge continued, his voice rising in volume slightly as he turned his eyes onto Gerry, focusing on him and stopping his premature celebration, "I had this nagging doubt in the back of my mind that there was a very key piece missing to this case. I was impressed by Mrs. Carnahan's restraint. I know you were not a perfect man to live with. I haven't lived in Orange County for 55 years and not picked up on some of the gossip that travels around about you, but my verdict could not be based upon the idle chit-chat of my wife and her country club friends. I needed evidence. That was when I got the idea to speak to the two children involved in this case, and the sheer fact that Mrs. Carnahan's attorney supported this idea while yours Mr. Carnahan didn't was a red light flashing in my eyes. Watching you both interact with your children, my decision was close to being made. While Mrs. Carnahan was loving, supportive, and kind to both Garrett and Cooper, you, Mr. Carnahan were cold, mean, and hurtful, and the children's reaction to their parents was very telling as well. I just had one further concern." Turning his eyes towards Ryan, he softened them, letting him know that what he was about to say was positive. "When a parent becomes involved with someone else, it is the job of the judge in a custody trial to also determine whether or not that new person who will ostensibly become a parent as well is fit to hold that role. I wanted to talk to Garrett and Cooper to determine what they thought of Mr. Atwood, and I was pleased to see and hear that he seems to care as much for them as they do for him. While talking to the boys about Mr. Atwood though, a very interesting fact came up about the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Carnahan, only cementing my decision. This fact, which will remain private between the two children and myself, has finalized my decision that sole custody will be granted to Mrs. Marissa Carnahan while Mr. Gerry Carnahan will receive supervised visitation rights twice a year. This case is dismissed."

Standing up from his chair, the judge made his way to Marissa's side, signaling to her that he would like a private word. Putting his hand out, he shook her hand, a smile spreading across his face. "You are a very brave and classy woman, Marissa, I hope that I can call you that. I just want to let you know that you have raised two remarkable children. Enjoy them and the little one on the way. It was a pleasure granting you custody." With one last smile, he went into his chambers to tell the two waiting boys they could finally go home where they belonged, with their Mother.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Sliding out of bed as quietly as she could so as not to awake her sleeping fiancé, an almost eight months pregnant Marissa made her way to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Although her movement made Ryan stir, he was exhausted and just rolled onto his back, letting a slight snore escape his lips. Marissa couldn't help but giggle softly at him. Adjusting the water in the shower so that it was just slightly above freezing so as to cool off her extremely hot body, Marissa stripped off the thin nightshirt she had been wearing and immersed her body into the chilling liquid, immediately sending a jolt through her sleepy body and soothing her warm skin.

It had been an exhausting two days. Waiting to move until the boys finished the school year, they had only just arrived in Santa Rosa facing box after box of unpacking and a new job for her. After almost three months of preparation, selling the house in Long Beach, buying the house in Santa Rosa by the internet and phone, and packing all the while working and taking care of the boys, Marissa and Ryan were both looking forward to finishing the moving process and relaxing for a few weeks before the baby was born. Speaking of which, they were extremely unprepared for the birth of their child.

While Marissa had slowly started to gather supplies for the baby while still living in Southern California, they did not want to buy too much, because that would just mean more packing and required space in the moving truck. Plus, it wasn't as if she had things left over from Garrett and Cooper when they were babies; she had given all their supplies away to charity, assuming she would never have another child. Because the baby would stay in their room for the first several weeks and because Ryan still did not want to know the sex, they had decided to wait and decorate the nursery after the birth. At night, after Ryan got off of work, he would work on the room with the boys' help, both of them learning quickly how to help their future step-dad. They would only continue to learn more, too.

That's because, since Marissa worked during the days at the hospital, they went with Ryan to work while they were out of school on summer break. It saved the little family money on child care, and the three of them enjoyed spending time together. Male bonding they called it.

As she rinsed out the shampoo from her hair, Marissa thought about their new house. It was quite different from anything she'd ever lived in before, the complete opposite of both the ridiculously opulent and large house in Newport and Ryan's charming yet small cottage in Long Beach. There was a large yard, pool free because of the baby, for the kids and Q to play in, an open floor plan which she, surprisingly, liked because it was easier to watch the children, and, her favorite amenity, an attached garage. It seemed strange, but she loved the fact that she could get in and out of her car without her neighbors seeing what she was wearing or what she was carrying. When she told Ryan this, he just chuckled at, kissed her cheek, and went back to working on the unpacking, something she was not allowed to even consider helping with.

Never had anyone taken such careful or considerate care of her. He was constantly worrying about her, to the point where she wondered if he would be grey by the time the baby was born. If he could help it, he at least helped her with dinner. When it came to cleaning, he and boys would do most of it, only letting her do stationary things such as fold laundry. As they unpacked box after box of their belongings, many of which were still sitting in the garage waiting to be unloaded, she was to sit and just be there in case they needed to ask where something went. Needless to say, she had taken quite a few little naps the past two days. Despite Ryan's protests, she insisted that they do some sort of activity as a family every day, even if that meant taking a walk or going to the local YMCA to go swimming, something she found extremely relaxing and comforting in her present condition. _Speaking of the Y,_ Marissa thought to herself as she applied the conditioner to the ends of her hair, _I need to find where there is one around her. I feel like a good swim._

To make matters even more hectic, she would begin her classes online the next week, the first week of June, and that would take up much of her free time at night. Although she would not take any classes the month of July because of the baby's birth, she would start again in August even before she went back to work. Ryan had wanted her to wait until the fall, but Marissa reasoned that the sooner she began her classes, the sooner she'd be certified which would mean a larger salary. Even though they were currently comfortable, more income would provide them with the chances to indulge a little and save for the kids' college education.

On top of everything else, it was Cooper's birthday that weekend. Because she had to work, there was no chance the new girl who had to take maternity leave in a month's time would get a weekend off, she would not be able to go away with Ryan, Garrett, and Cooper. Per Cooper's request, Ryan was taking the boys camping in the Redwood forest. They were going to go to the national park, go fishing, and, because she couldn't go, do manly things. Rolling her eyes as she thought about what that meant, Marissa couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Shaving quickly, she made a mental list of everything she would need to pick up for the party they were going to have for Cooper Sunday evening after they got back from their camping trip. While she was out and Ryan was not there to patrol her every move, she figured she would stock up on groceries and start picking up baby supplies. It would be something to keep her entertained. Despite the fact that she playfully complained about all the attention Ryan paid her and that it would be nice to have a weekend to herself to do girl things, Marissa knew she would be bored and lonely without them. This would be the first time since she and Ryan first spent the night together that she would not have either him or the boys with her at night, and she was not looking forward to it.

Putting her razor away and reaching for the loofa and body wash, Marissa began to wash her body when all of a sudden the shower door opened and Ryan stepped in with her, completely naked and smiling widely, surprising her so much, she dropped the loofa as her hand flew up to her racing heart. Picking it up, Ryan positioned their bodies so that she was leaning into him, immediately taking over where she had left off, gently washing and stroking her body as he placed tender kisses along her neck and shoulders, letting the scent of her soap, lavender, envelope him in a private oasis.

"Is this water cold enough," he teased her before reaching down and turning the cold off, steam immediately filling the tight enclosed space of the shower. "I was lonely in bed," he continued, changing the subject rapidly, his lips, filled with desire, sucking on her neck in between his spoken thoughts. "You don't know how much I hate waking up without you in my arms."

"So you decided to join me," she teased, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the sensations his touch were invoking in her body. "Who said you were even invited."

Turning her around and dropping the loofa to the floor, he took her mouth in a leisurely kiss, biting down on her bottom lip slightly before replying. "You don't seem to be complaining too much."

"Well," Marissa began, her hands moving achingly slowly down his wet, slippery body until they found their destination, "a girl has to get her kicks when she can. Someone won't be home this weekend to entertain me."

Laughing, he backed them up so that she was pushed up against the wall, his mouth eagerly finding its way to her breasts. Dropping delicate kisses on them while he talked, Marissa could barely maintain her composure long enough to listen to what he said. "Just think about the reunion," Ryan sighed dreamily. "We'll have almost 60 hours to make up for."

All Marissa could do was nod in agreement, her body to overwhelmed by the sensations he was invoking to utter even a sound. Moving his mouth back up to her own, taking it again and again, their tongues massaging the others, continually so both had to gasp for air in between embraces, she guided him to her, pushing her hips out to meet his, inviting him to enter her. Through the fog of passion clouding her mind, her motherly instincts appeared suddenly.

"The boys," she gasped.

"Sleeping," Ryan grunted into her mouth. No other words or explanations were necessary. Picking her up off of the ground, he hoisted her up against the wall, supporting her with one arm as she wrapped her legs around his torso. Moving his other hand in between their two bodies, he stroked her hungrily before inserting two fingers into her core, increasing her desire and making him ache with want for his fiancé. Rhythmically moving his fingers inside of her, Ryan couldn't help but notice the look of pure bliss on her face, eyes closed, mouth open as her breathing steadily increased. Wanting to feel even closer to her, he leaned in and slipped his tongue into her mouth, startling her as she opened her eyes. Keeping their blue irises locked on each others, they kissed as he continued to stimulate her, finally breaking away when neither could take one more second without oxygen.

Gulping for air, Marissa spoke up, her voice husky and deep. "Fuck your hand, Ryan," she began only to have him interrupt her.

Laughing, he complained, "no thank you," before she continued as if she never heard him.

"I need you now," she demanded, reaching her hands down to his ass to pull him to her. Obliging her wish, Ryan withdrew his fingers from inside of her and entered her, merely resting inside of her for a few moments as they adjusted. Just watching her smile contentedly as he filled her, Ryan couldn't help himself from letting go of her with one hand to trace the delicate jaw line of her face before trailing his finger down her neck, over her sensitive chest, and across her swollen stomach, only stopping when his hand once again took hold of her hips.

Eyes closed once again, Marissa could not speak through the haze of lust in her mind to let Ryan know that she was ready, that she wanted him to move inside of her, that she wanted their bodies to rock in sync. Instead, she laced her arms around his neck, wrapping her long, slender fingers through the damp locks of his hair, tugging on it playfully and tightening her grip with her legs around his waist.

Slowly, at first, only to increase quickly in pace, their bodies moved as one, dancing the lovers dance of need, want, and desire, but it was not enough. She craved more of him, and as her swollen abdomen prevented him from pushing into her fully in their current position, Marissa tore her mind away from the pleasure to beg quietly to Ryan. "Move….please…sink."

Not even bothering to turn the water off, neither one of them capable of concentrating on anything besides the others body, Ryan, never pulling out of her, carried her out of the shower and over to their double sink, setting her down on the edge of it so she could lean back, arching her back and bucking her hips almost immediately to let him know they needed to continue NOW. Not needed to be told twice, Ryan thrusted even deeper inside of her, making her moan his name out immediately, her voice low, deep, and lust filled.

Watching her so out of control with passion only increased Ryan's thirst for her, urging him to move faster and push harder, the very thing Marissa seemed to crave. Neither knew why, but, unlike the past few months where their love making had been sweet, tender, and gentle because of the pregnancy, this time it was wild, hard, and fast. Although Ryan attempted to wait for Marissa to orgasm first, the sheer power and magnitude of their actions drove him over the edge before her. As he pulsated and throbbed inside of her, Marissa finally came, as if she had been waiting for him to be satisfied first, as if she had wanted to feel the extent of how thoroughly she could please him.

It took them both several minutes to get their bodies under control, for the quivering of pleasure to cease. Once again taking her in his arms, Ryan carefully laid Marissa down on the floor of the bathroom, making sure she laid on her left side as recommended and rolling a towel up and placing it in the small of her back for support, covering her vulnerable and suddenly chilled body with an oversized towel before turning off the shower and joining her with his own towel. For as long as they could, they were going to stay as close as possible, savoring their last private moment together before the boys got up and their day would have to begin.

Lying down beside her, her distended belly preventing them from holding each other too closely, they let their hands roam the others body, tickling and teasing the others most sensitive areas, enjoying the reactions their partners had. Oddly, Ryan found this position slightly erotic, the feeling of just Marissa's stomach pressed into his lower abdomen, occasionally feeling the baby kick her, beautifully symbolic of their love and passion while at the same time taunting him because he could not hold her any closer. As the early morning minutes ticked by, too quickly in their opinion, they talked softly about the baby, about Garrett and Cooper, about their new lives, and about each other, letting their lips meet every few seconds in gentle, tender embraces. It was the perfect way to say goodbye.

"Ryan," Cooper spoke up softly, his voice thoughtful and contemplative as they sat around the camp fire Saturday night, "is Mommy having a girl or a boy?"

"We don't know," Ryan answered him, curious as to where this conversation could lead them and slightly nervous as he thought back to his last really serious conversation with one of the boys, the one he had shared with Garrett while they went Christmas tree shopping. Just thinking about it made him shutter at the memory. "I want it to be a surprise," he continued, anticipating the next question the young boy would ask.

Taking his answer in, Cooper sat there contemplating what Ryan had told him before he continued his line of questions. "Well, what do you want," he pondered out loud.

"I really don't care," Ryan answered diplomatically. "As long as the baby and your Mom are healthy, that's all I want."

Slightly worried, Garrett looked up at Ryan and posed his own question. "Will it hurt, Mommy," he inquired, his voice laced with concern.

_This is getting dangerously close to 'how are babies made,'_ Ryan thought to himself as his mind raced to come up with an honest answer that would not scare the little boy.

"It will hurt her a little bit," he replied honestly, "but your Mom's done it before. It'll be a piece of cake. _I hope,_ he added silently, his own worries beginning to eat away at him.

"I want Mommy to have a girl," Cooper interrupted the serious discussion. "You don't need to have a boy, because you already have us."

"Ew, no," Garrett shouted loudly, making Cooper giggle. "Girls like to shop, and paint their nails, and play with dolls. I want Mommy to have a boy."

"There are good things about having a little sister," Ryan pointed out kindly. "For instance, she'll never play with your toys, when she gets older, she won't eat as much which means there will be more for us, and you'll be able to beat up the boys who try to date her and I won't care." His last positive attribute to having girls made both boys laugh. "Just don't tell your Mom I said that," he added, putting his hand out for the boys to shake in a silent agreement to keep that idea a secret between the three of them.

Settling back into their foldable camp chairs, Garrett was the one to break the silence next. "But," he pushed on, "if Mom had a boy, it would eventually make even teams for when we played sports."

"Oh, that's a good point," Ryan agreed, speaking without thinking. Quickly, he covered. "But we'll let your sister play, too, if that's what your Mom has."

"Mom will probably make her be a cheerleader," Cooper grumbled in complaint.

Confused, Ryan responded, "but your Mom wasn't a cheerleader."

"She always tells us how cute they are after our football games," Garrett contributed to his brother's argument. With a mocking voice, he continued. "She always says how adorable their little skirts are." Going back to his normal voice, he added, "cheerleaders are annoying. I don't want a sister if she's going to be a cheerleader."

"You won't think they're annoying when you're in high school and you want to date one," Ryan teased, immediately changing the subject when he realized what he said and noticed the boys' pondering faces. "Let's call your Mom and ask her what she thinks, whether or not she'll want her maybe daughter to play sports or cheer."

Standing up quickly, Ryan made his way to his bag in the tent, pulling out his phone, and hitting speed dial to the house, waiting for Marissa to answer.

"No phone sex," Marissa greeted him instead of saying hello.

Laughing, he teased her, his back turned to the boys hoping they wouldn't hear. "You better be glad it's me and that I didn't let the boys call you. You would have had fun explaining that one."

"The boys are still up," she asked, ignoring his taunting.

"Yeah, we were talking about the baby, but we're going to bed in a little while…after dessert. Before I let them talk to you," he continued, changing the subject, his tone becoming serious, "what are you up to? It's late. I hope you're in bed relaxing since you're not asleep."

"Actually," her voice completely void of humor, "I'm hard at work, slaving away into the late hours of the night. I figured since you weren't here to stop me, I'd take care of a very important task."

"Marissa," he chided her, his voice stern with alarm, "how many times do I have to tell you, you're not supposed to do anything exerting. If something needed done, I'd do it when I got home."

"Oh calm down," she giggled, "I'm just playing with you. I'm actually narrowing down baby name options."

"But I don't want to know what we're having," he complained.

"And that's why I'm only looking at names that can be used for both a boy and a girl. That way, we only have to pick one yet it will work no matter what we have."

"Are you sure I won't be able to tell the baby's sex by the names," he continued to press her, nervous and hesitant.

"I'm positive, Ryan," she answered him exasperated. "Now let me talk to the two sane men sitting around the camp fire with you."

"Okay, here's Cooper," Ryan told her as he handed the phone off to the younger boy.

"Mommy," Cooper jumped right in. "If you have a baby girl, are you going to make her be a cheerleader or will you let her play sports with us?"

"I'll let her do whatever she wants," Marissa answered honestly, biting her lip so that she wouldn't laugh at her son's concerns.

"Make her play sports, Mom," he shot back without a blink of an eye. "Cheerleaders are annoying."

"We'll see," she dismissed, making him pout when she changed the subject. "Are you having fun? Did you catch a lot of fish?"

Instantly his annoyance was forgotten. "Yeah, I got a bunch of fish, and we gutted them and had them for dinner. It was so cool! We're having campfire pies for dessert before we go to bed."

"Well just make sure you watch Ryan while he cooks," Marissa teased. "We don't need him burning himself. You better be in charge, Cooper." Chuckling loudly, he agreed before saying he loved her and handing the phone over to his brother. "Hey honey," Marissa greeted her older son. "How were the trees at the park," she asked him, knowing that he really wanted to see them. "Did you get some pictures for me?"

"We got lots and lots of pictures, Mommy," Garrett answered her excitedly. "Ryan even got one of me and Cooper on his phone. He said something about how it helped him remember that we're still little kids." She could almost hear him shrug his shoulders in confusion, but she knew what Ryan had meant, the sentiment making her smile brightly. "Did you remember to wrap my present for Cooper," Garrett brought her out of her revelry by asking.

"Yes, I did," she responded, "and I used the wrapping paper you picked out, too. It's sitting on the dining room table with the presents from Ryan and I."

"Okay, cool Mom, and thanks," he added quickly. "I'm going to go open the cans of fruit. Ryan wants to talk to you again. Love you." With that, he handed the phone over to a patiently waiting Ryan before going to help his younger brother with their dessert.

"I wish I were there with you," Marissa said ruefully as soon as Ryan was on the phone. "You have no idea how much I miss the three of you."

"I think I have an idea," he responded. "I know that I barely slept last night and tonight is surely going to be another restless evening without you here beside me."

"Liar," Marissa taunted him, her voice playful to show him that she was just teasing.

"But we'll come back again with you and that little guy or girl you're carrying, make it a complete family adventure.

"Sounds good," Marissa agreed, "but I better go soon. I'm only on the P's, so I have quite a bit of browsing left to do before I go to bed. I want a completed possibilities list waiting for you when you get home. This…not having a name picked out….is driving me bananas." Ryan laughed at her choice of words before she pressed on. "Plus, I have to get up early and bake Cooper's birthday cake. Don't worry," she added before he could interrupt, "it won't be chocolate. Chocolate has too much caffeine," she mocked him, using a scolding, deep voice to make herself sound like him.

"Good girl," he picked at her. "We'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied back, clicking off the phone and settling her eyes back on her book, the covers tossed off of her hot and sweaty body, her mind reading, her heart camping with her boys.

_Finally alone,_ Ryan sighed to himself as he crawled in bed and watched his fiancé rub lotion all over her body, completely naked except for the pair of boxer shorts of his she was wearing below her belly. Normally, she would sleep in a t-shirt, but the closer she got to her due date, the more sensitive her breasts were, and, tonight, they were extremely sore. Wearing a shirt would just add to the irritation. He knew it was uncomfortable for her, but he would never complain about the sight.

After hours of celebrating Cooper's birthday with a meal that consisted of tacos, Spanish rice, and refried beans, because he loved Mexican food, birthday cake, vanilla just as Marissa had promised Ryan, and the unwrapping of presents, they had finally got the boys settled in their rooms and asleep, several stories later. Only two days away from their mother and they did not want to let her out of their sight. Ryan could sympathize, but he was also ready for some alone time with Marissa, and watching her in front of him, her silky smooth hands caressing her own body as she applied the lotion, was only heightening his desire for her.

"Baby," she called out softly, "would you please get me a warm, wet washcloth? My breasts are leaking again."

Smiling to himself, Ryan got up off of the bed and went into the bathroom, only to reappear with the cloth to find her already in bed, back propped up against some pillows for support, hands holding her stomach as the baby kicked her. Sliding in beside her, she went to take the wet towel from him, but he stopped her. "Let me," he said huskily, lowering his hands to wipe the thick fluid up for her, softly cleaning her swollen breasts and darkened nipples, planting air light, soothing kisses over the exposed flesh after cleaning it.

Kissing his forehead briefly, Marissa took the washcloth from his hands and set it aside. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," he laughed deeply, scooting his body down the bed to kiss up her thighs, but before he could even begin to seduce her, she playfully pushed him aside with one of her legs.

"Don't even start," she warned, "I have something better in mind."

"Better than foreplay," he taunted, "aren't we impatient. You really do want to cut to the chase, don't you? Well, let me just get rid of this," he replied going to remove his boxer-briefs, but, again, her voice stopped him.

"No, no sex tonight. I want to go over these baby names I picked out." Her tone was final, and Ryan knew there would be no convincing her otherwise. Knowing he had nothing to complain about for Marissa, despite being pregnant, was generally just as amorous as he was, he shrugged his shoulders good naturedly, repositioned them in bed so that she was sitting between his legs as he supported her back, and settled in for a comfortable, quiet night in bed.

"Alright, tell me what you found," he offered, unable to keep his own excitement over the prospect of picking a name for their baby out of his voice.

"Okay," Marissa began," but before you say anything about them, let me warn you that they might seem strange, but I like to look at more than just the name. Sometimes the meaning is important to me, too." He kissed he shoulder tenderly to show her that he understood, telling her to proceed. "I'm going to go alphabetical, so that you'll have no idea which ones I prefer. I want to know what you honestly think."

"I can do that," Ryan teased her. "Don't worry. I'm not going to let you forever embarrass our child with a crazy, ridiculous name."

"The first one is Breckin."

"Breakin," Ryan asked, the dislike evident in his tone. "It's like 'I'm breakin' in this new glove here'.

"I knew you'd mock that one," Marissa complained, "but this is the one I liked for its meaning. It means freckles…in Gaelic, and, if the baby takes after me, it will definitely have freckles. I think it's cute."

"Yeah, just what a little boy would want his name to mean," Ryan continued to tease her, "freckles." When she went to protest, he interrupted her. "I'll admit that if we had a little girl and she had freckles, it would be….tolerable."

Sighing, Marissa continued. "The second one is Cory. I just liked this one. The meaning wasn't important."

"How would we spell it," he inquired, thoughtful.

"We can figure that out later…if we like the name. What do you think of Loren, spelled L-O-R-E-N.? The spelling matters to me on this one."

"A little feminine, but it's not bad," Ryan answered her. "What else do you have?"

"Even I, the woman who knows nothing about football, knows you'll like the next one, Peyten, but, "she added before he could say anything, "I'd want to spell it with an e and not an o."

"It would be a good omen, if the baby is a boy," Ryan chuckled, "our own little MVP quarterback."

Marissa just rolled her eyes before pressing on. "The last one I like for the first name is Tegan. I actually got it from a band."

"No doubt one I've never listened to," Ryan shot back with a smirk, expecting the pinch she gave him on the arm. "Do you have anything for the middle name?"

"Yeah, I like Shae," Marissa answered. "I'm pretty sure, if you agree to it, that this is what I want for the middle name. It means gift, and this baby is a gift….to us…from each other." She blushed as she spoke, making Ryan stroke her face lovingly.

"Shae works for me," he agreed. "There was a baseball player, third baseman, with that name. He played a season with the Red Sox. He wasn't bad."

Giggling, Marissa snuggled closer to him, putting his hands low on her abdomen so that he could feel the baby kick and covering his hands with her own. "I think they like it," she said referring to the middle name as the baby played inside of her.

"So now we just need to figure out the first name," Ryan sighed, knowing it would be no small feat for them to agree on one name.

"Why don't we sleep on it," she suggested, turning her head to look at him, their hands still caressing the baby, "you know, give the names time to sink in, ruminate. We don't have to finalize the name tonight. We have a least a month, if I go by my due date, to decide."

Leaning down, he playfully kissed her nose, making her wiggle it as he tickled her. "I think that's a good idea," he acknowledged. As she yawned, he let go of her and slid his body out from behind her, easing her back down onto the pillows on her left side and snuggling behind her, the blanket pulled only over him. "But, for now, you need your rest."

Content, Marissa let her eyes drift shut even as she talked. "I'll be late Thursday afternoon. I have my first appointment with the new doctor," she explained.

"Why didn't you tell me," he asked her, sitting up in bed to look down on her, pushing the pesky strands of hair behind her ear which were falling into her beautiful face. "I'm going with you."

"You can't go with me, Ryan," she dismissed. "The boys aren't in school, and we don't know anyone who could watch them."

"Then they'll go with us," he argued.

Eyes wide, voice elevated, she protested. "They are not going with us to an appointment with my OB-GYN. That's just….no!"

"I didn't literally mean into the room with us," he laughed at her. "I'm sure the receptionists would keep an eye on them while we're in with the doctor, and they're good boys; they'll behave. There is no way I'm not going with you," Ryan pressed her.

"Fine," Marissa conceded, "but if they ask any questions, I don't care how detailed they are, you're answering them."

Swallowing nervously, Ryan could only shake his head in agreement as he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss before lying back down and pulling her body as close to his as he could, his hands instinctively going to her stomach to feel the baby move. As they drifted off to sleep, the 'I love you's' of their partner lingering in their mind, the child they made together, perhaps sensing her parents' state of exhaustion, settled down herself, resting peacefully and giving her mother a respite of comfort.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

July had swept into San Francisco and its surrounding area, bringing with it waves of heat unrivaled in many years. After a mild spring, the temperature change was difficult to adjust to, especially for a woman who was almost nine months pregnant. Although Marissa had been pregnant with Garrett over the summer, she had not been close to labor, tired from working and taking care of a new house, and worried about whom would take care of everything while she was having the baby. Luckily, though, one worry was about to disappear as she was officially on maternity leave after completing her last day of work.

It was Friday afternoon, the air conditioning was cranked, and she was the only one home, cooking dinner and working on laundry, as she waited for her family to arrive home as well. A week away from her due date, Marissa was extremely uncomfortable and definitely looking forward to a relaxing weekend with just her and her boys. They were finally unpacked, she and Ryan had finished her Lamaze classes, classes he insisted they take because he had never been through the birthing process before, and there was not a single obligation either of them had to attend to. Her plan was to spend Saturday at the beach with the boys; they needed something fun to look forward to, because there would be a lack of trips and day excursions for them that summer because of the baby. Though she was nine months pregnant, she did not care what people thought, and the idea of the fresh sea water cooling her body made her fingers and toes tingle out of anticipation. Sunday they would all lounge around the house in their pajamas watching baseball and napping, a lazy day, just the four of them. Plus, Ryan had already promised her that he would cook both nights for her since he would be home, so that was one less thing she had to worry about. The only thing standing in their way of a peaceful weekend was the talk she and Ryan had planned to have with the boys that night to discuss the changes in schedule that would occur because of her maternity leave and what would happen when the baby did arrive. This she was not looking forward to.

Finishing dinner early, she set the table and left the food in the oven to stay warm before climbing the stairs to go to their bedroom. Her intensions had been to change out of her scrubs and put on some shorts and a tank top, but as she sat down on the bed after removing her clothes, sitting only in her undergarments, the pillows looked to inviting, the coolness of the closed off room too tempting, so she laid down just for a moment, telling herself she would just catch her breath, rest her eyes for a second, but before she knew it, she was asleep.

Ryan, Garrett, and Cooper arrived home a half an hour later to an silent house. The boys immediately went out back to play with Q while Ryan went in search of his fiancé, curious to see what she was up to and apprehensive that she was doing something she was not allowed to do. Stubborn, Marissa never wanted to curtail her previous, normal activities to adapt to her pregnancy, but ever worried about her and the baby, Ryan had insisted that she take every precaution, but sometimes, when he was not looking, she would sneak and do something she was prohibited from. Even though she worried him, he had to admit the punishment was fun for both of them.

Shivering as soon as he entered their bedroom, Ryan couldn't help but smile at Marissa as he saw her sound asleep on top of the blankets, her fringe of hair around her face in ringlets from the humidity, betraying her warmth despite the frigid temperatures of their room. Slipping off his shoes, he quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a wife beater before lying down beside her.

"Marissa," he whispered to her, his warm breath tickling her face, his hand caressing her cheek as he was unable to be so near her and not touch her. "We're home. Do you want to come down to dinner with us?"

"The boys," she questioned, her voice airy and light as if she were speaking in a dream.

"They're outside playing with Q," he answered, letting his hand slip from her cheek to her jaw line. "They worked hard today, should go to sleep early."

Sighing, she replied, "that's nice," before falling back to sleep, the conversation she was having with Ryan already forgotten.

Chuckling, he kissed her forehead softly before standing up and moving towards the door. Without a word, he turned the lights back off and shut the door behind him as he made his way back downstairs. If she was that tired, he'd let her sleep and talk to the boys himself.

The three of them, Ryan, Garrett, and Cooper, had a relaxing meal sitting outside on the patio so as not to wake up Marissa. Although they had missed their Mom during the day, the two boys understood that she was tired and that the she needed to sleep when she good. She and the baby needed it. Afterwards, although they were tired, Ryan suggested they wash Marissa's SUV, doing a favor for her and cooling them off with the water from the hose at the same time; not to mention that the more exhausted the boys were, the longer they would sleep in the next morning, granting he and Marissa some precious time alone. With the baby's due date in a week, they needed to take advantage of all the chances they could.

True, the last time they had made love had been that wild morning in the bathroom over a month before, but he understood that it was uncomfortable for her now, and there was more to being intimate than sex. Sometimes she would just lie in his arms as he savored the feeling of her body near his, while at other times he would give her aching back massages. His favorite times were when they would just lay in bed beside each other, kissing and caressing the others body for hours on end, talking about the baby between every embrace. They had their whole lives to make love, but he only got to experience the birth of his first child once.

Car washed and waxed, the three weary boys and Q made their way back inside, changing quietly upstairs into their pajamas before making their way to the living room and the television where they had the baseball package waiting for them. Finding the best game available, the three settled down to watch in agreeable silence, only breaking the drone of the tv with their own voices on the brief commercials. Following snacks in the seventh inning stretch and a rather lengthy break for an argument between the umpire and the other team's head coach, time well spent by the boys as they brushed their teeth, Ryan stopped them from leaving the couch to go to bed. He had put off their discussion long enough.

"Guys," he began hesitantly, "I know that your Mom was going to talk to you about some stuff tonight, but she'd tired and I don't want to wake her, so what do you say if I…..maybe….talk to you about it instead?"

"I didn't do it," Cooper defended himself in a shout, standing up immediately, a guilty look flashing across his face, his eyes never meeting Ryan's.

Laughing, he motioned for the little boy to sit back down before talking. "I have no idea what you're talking about, and as far as I'm concerned, if I don't know it happened, it never did as long as no one got hurt." When neither boy said anything he elaborated. "No one got hurt, right?"

This time Garrett spoke up. His short, curt reply sounding oh so very much like something Ryan would say. "Nope."

"Alright then, we'll just forget about your little outburst there, Cooper. I think we're all tired and ready for bed, so I just want to get this out there and over with as soon as possible." Taking a deep breath, Ryan plunged on. "We need to talk about the baby and some changes that are going to have to take place around here." At the sound of Cooper's instant whining, Ryan couldn't help but chuckle. "It's not going to be that bad, Cooper. Trust me, you're still going to have plenty of fun; we're still going to feed you. The only differences are going to be that you're going to have to help out more."

"You're not going to get rid of Q, are you," Garrett's scared little voice instantly sobered Ryan's mood. Turning to look at him, he saw tears already brimming in the little boy's eyes. This had obviously been bothering him for a while now.

"No, of course we're not getting rid of Q," Ryan consoled. "Why would you ever think that?"

"Because the neighbor boy told me that when his Mom had a baby, they had to get rid of their cat," Garrett revealed, "and a dog, especially Q, is a lot bigger than a cat, so I was sure you'd give her away. Still nervous, he asked again, "but you're not going to?"

"Q is a part of our family," Ryan answered, taking the frightened little boy into a hug and ruffling his hair. "She's going nowhere. You know," he added, "before I met your Mom, Q was my best friend. I could never get rid of her."

Relieved, Garrett smiled. "Okay, good, but what are we going to have to do differently?"

"Well, first of all," Ryan explained, "one of you is going to have to stay at home with your Mom during the day now that she's not working, just in case she needs some help, and then, after the baby's born, you'll both be staying here with her to help her."

Always the outspoken one, Cooper quickly replied, "Garrett can stay home. I want to go with you."

"I don't think that's really fair," he responded. "I was thinking that you two could split it, Garrett would stay home one day and then you would stay home the next."

Before Cooper could argue with Ryan's logic, Garrett spoke up. "That's okay, Ryan. I like going with you, but I want to help Mom, too. Plus, I'm the oldest, so I should stay home to help, be responsible."

Smiling at the young boy who was, at times, more like a man, the two, strong and silent, exchanged just a look to show that they understood each other. Turning back to Cooper, Ryan wanted to make sure that he understood it was only temporary. "Once the baby's born though, Cooper, you'll have to stay home and help out as well. You'll have chores, both of you, and you'll have to play outside so as not to wake up the baby and speak quietly. And if your Mom tells you to do anything, no matter what it is, you'll have to listen to her without any whining or complaining. Okay?"

"Fine," Cooper agreed with an exaggerated sigh, "but Mom better not have another baby for a long, long time."

"It'll be a while," Ryan said with just a hint of a laugh in his voice, "but for now, you'll both have to be on your best behavior." Without giving Cooper a chance to object again, he stood up and motioned towards the stars. "Now, come on, it's time for bed. You two need to get to sleep if we're going to the beach tomorrow."

"We're going to the beach," Cooper yelled out in excitement, making Ryan wince at how loud his voice was. Garrett immediately elbowed him to be quiet, eliciting a glare from the younger boy.

"Yes, we're going to the beach," Ryan whispered, moving down the hall towards the boys' bedrooms the whole time, "that is if you are quiet and don't wake up your Mom. You know," he added, his voice teasing, "she's really grumpy now if you wake her up, and Garrett and I will blame it all on you, Cooper. We don't want her to be mad at us, isn't that right, Garrett?"

"Right," the older boy agreed, laughing quietly along with Ryan to show his younger brother that they were just joking..

"Alright now, get into bed. I'm going to tuck Cooper in first, Garrett, and then I'll be in to say goodnight to you in a little bit." With that, the group of three boys separated, Ryan going with Cooper and Garrett going by himself while one lady of the house, Q, slept on undisturbed by Cooper's outburst, and the other, Marissa, rested in bed, a smile on her glistening face.

"And what took you so long," Marissa greeted Ryan when he stepped into their bedroom an hour later.

"Hey," he retuned, going to her side and kissing her lips softly before slipping off his pajamas to climb in bed clad only in his boxers, immediately burrowing under the mound of blankets they kept for his use. "Sorry it took me so long. What are you doing up? I thought you were sleeping."

"I was until a not-so-subtle son of mine celebrated the fact that we're all going to the beach tomorrow right outside of our door," she answered, giggling softly. "I know I'm a bad mother because I didn't get up to say goodnight to them after Cooper woke me, but I was just so comfortable…."

"You're not a bad mother," Ryan chastised her, "and I don't want to ever hear you say that again." As she snuggled up next to him, even relenting to use his blankets so they could be closer, he continued. "Besides, you would have spoiled our guys' night in. We ate dinner, outside so as not to wake you, and cleaned up, too, I might add, washed your car,…."

"You did," she interrupted, turning to kiss him briefly before settling back down in the crook of his arm. "Thank you. I appreciate it, but you really didn't have to."

"Who said it was for you," Ryan shot back, a playful grin on his face. "We washed my truck last night, and it was the coolest thing to do outside that I could think of besides a water fight. Anyway," he continued, "afterwards, we watched some baseball, the Red Sox won by the way, I talked to the boys for you, two quick stories turned into two long ones, and then, finally, here I am ready to curl up and go to bed with my very beautiful fiancé."

"Nice try, but we're not having sex."

Playfully pushing her aside, he dismissed her accusation. "Hey, who said anything about sex? When I said go to bed, I meant sleep."

"You're sure you weren't trying to put the moves on me," Marissa continued to tease him. "A compliment like that used to be full proof, and I know it's been a while…"

"Hey," he stopped her, "It's fine. Sure, I miss it," he admitted with a cheeky smile, "but we have found other ways to….amuse ourselves. I can wait a while."

"To be honest," Marissa admitted ruefully, "I miss it, I mean REALLY miss it, myself, but I just….can't, but if it stays in here much longer," she said while rubbing her stomach affectionately, "I might get desperate. If that happens, get prepared for sexual experimentation as we try to figure out a comfortable position." As he continued to just watch her with confusion written plainly across his face, Marissa chuckled and explained. "Sex is supposed to induce labor."

"I'm always at your service, waiting and definitely willing," Ryan responded, making Marissa laugh once again.

"I'm sure you are."

"But for now," he said with a yawn while sliding down into the bed trying to pull her with him. "I'm exhausted and ready to go to sleep." Before he could reach over to turn the light off though, she sat back up and started talking.

"Well, I'm not. In fact," Marissa continued, "I'm starving, and we need to keep talking about baby names." As he went to get out of bed to go and get her something to eat, she sat up herself. "It's okay; I can go. I'm actually feeling kind of energetic, and, besides, I have to go to the bathroom anyway."

As she slipped into the bathroom, he called out to her, "I put the leftovers in the fridge," before settling down to wait for her return. Upon leaving the bathroom, she had thrown on her robe, short, silky, and snug against her swollen breasts and pregnant abdomen, the sight of her tan, still slender legs making Ryan smile in delight as he watched her walk away.

She was back within minutes, her speed surprising him until he saw what she was carrying. "Ice cream for dinner," he joked, "I'm sure the doctor would love that."

"It's a good source of calcium," she shot back undeterred from her meal by his disapproving tone, "and it's not chocolate since you took it out of the cart when I wasn't looking and put it back before I could notice, so there's no caffeine. Besides, I'm nine months pregnant, hot, sweaty, miserable, and this was the only thing that looked good."

Conceding with a smile, he asked her, "what kind did you bring?"

"Black raspberry," she answered, waving the cool dessert in front of his face, "but if you want to share, you're going to have to let me feed you, because I only brought one spoon."

"How about I do the feeding," he suggested. "You'll hog it all if you control the spoon."

"I'm going to ignore that remark and chalk it up to first time Daddy stupidity," she glared, her eyes twinkling with mirth, "but you still need to be punished." Before he could respond and ask what she meant by that, the blankets were kicked away and she had situated her body between his legs, leaning her tired, sore back into his strong, supportive stomach.

"You know," he said playfully, "this isn't really a punishment."

"I haven't even begun it yet though," she shot back too innocently, Ryan thought. "Now, back to this baby name decision we have facing us," Marissa pushed on, unwilling to share more about his punishment, "do you still agree with the final three?"

"You mean your final three," Ryan mock complained. "I don't remember having anything to do with narrowing it down to those choices."

"Yeah, but at least this way I'll be happy with no matter what you pick, and you get to make the final decision," she argued. "So, what are you thinking, Breckin, Loren, or Tegan; which do you like the best?"

"To be honest," he admitted, "it changes by the hour. I pick a name and think that I've reached my final decision, and then, the next time I think about it, which is about five minutes later, because you, the baby, and the boys are about the only things I can think about, it's something different."

"Well, if you need any help…..," she offered coyly, making Ryan laugh as he kissed her cheek.

"Thanks, but no thanks; you've helped enough, getting rid of the two names I liked the best."

"Yeah….but Peyten was too common," Marissa explained, "and Cory was just…..too short." Suddenly anxious, she spoke up again, her tone softer, contrite and nervous. "What, don't you like the three names I narrowed it down to?"

Taking the bite of ice cream she held out for him and eating it first before replying, Ryan moved his hands from off of her hips and onto her belly as he spoke. "The names are great; stop worrying."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, but…." he joked, "if you want to make it up to me, you'd let me go to sleep. I know you're not tired, baby, because you just slept for about six hours, but I'm exhausted."

Twisting around to kiss him softly, she apologized. "I know, and I'm sorry. It's just that I missed you today, and I like spending time with just the two of us."

"I do, too," he agreed, and tomorrow, when the boys are swimming, we'll lie on the beach together and we can talk for as long as you want, okay?"

"Okay," Marissa conceded, sliding away from him down the bed and standing up.

Sitting up quickly, he asked her, "hey, where are you going?"

"I'm not tired, and there are some things I need to do. Go to sleep; I'll come to bed when I'm done," she answered.

"What do you have to do?"

"You know, girly stuff," Marissa answered with a slight giggle. "I want to take a bath, wash my hair, paint my toenails and shave my legs, because I have no idea when I'll go into labor, so I have to be ready, and put my lotion on for the night. I'll be an hour, tops."

"Why do you need to shave your legs and paint the toes nails for labor," Ryan pondered, confused. "I'd thought, at that point, you'd be in so much pain that what your legs and feet looked like wouldn't matter to you."

"Oh, it won't matter then, but it will bother me afterwards if I know my feet looked as unattractive as a man's and that my legs were about as thick as forest. And besides," she continued, "I'll be so sore afterwards for a while, that I won't be able to do simple things like that, so unless you do it for me, I better do while I can now."

Yawning, Ryan closed his eyes as he spoke. "I won't be able to paint your toenails unless you want your whole foot painted, but I'll shave your legs for you, if you want me to."

Going back to him, her empty pint of ice cream discarded, Marissa leaned down as well as she could and surprised him with a deep kiss. "And that's just one more reason why I love you," she finally revealed as she pulled away from the embrace, her voice husky with desire. As she walked into the bathroom, she smiled to herself as she heard Ryan sigh out of contentment before stripping off her clothes and running the bath water, her mind filled with fantasies of her fiancé and the feelings he evoked within her.

The simple yet special weekend Marissa had planned for their family, the last time they would probably get to spend time together just the four of them, had been wonderful. Not only had the boys enjoyed themselves, but she and Ryan had been able to spend some alone time together Sunday afternoon when the boys had gone off to a neighbors to play with their children for a couple of hours. The humidity had relaxed some, making her more comfortable, and the lighter work load because she was on maternity leave helped alleviate some of the aches and pains her tired, drained body was feeling.

Garrett had been such a great help that week, too. He had helped her wash all the new clothes they had bought for the baby so that everything was ready for its delicate skin, even volunteering to put it away for her so she didn't have to climb the stairs. Willingly, he had handled all of the upright cleaning, vacuuming and dusting, the best he could. To her surprise, he had even been an excited pupil when it came to cooking, curious and eager to learn the rules of the art. By the time Wednesday had arrived, he was skilled enough to make a simple meal on his own while Marissa sat by at the table paying bills, available if he had any questions and chatting to keep him entertained. Not all of their time was spent working though.

They always tried to finish their work by lunch time, leaving the afternoon free to do what they wanted. Twice, on the cooler days, they had taken long walks, talking about whatever Garrett thought of the entire time, his childhood dreams and ambitions, the questions he had about life already, or even the latest scores and highlights from the baseball games he and Ryan loved so much. Both readers, they would curl up every afternoon with their books, the room absolutely quiet hiding the love and affection the mother and son shared for each other. Garrett even got her to play video games with him one day, though she lost so badly, Marissa claimed she needed a week for her ego to recuperate before she took him on again. Although she wished that Cooper was there with her as well for she had missed them both while she had been working and they had been spending more time with Ryan, she also treasured the alone time she and Garrett got to have, promising herself that she and Cooper would have the same opportunity soon.

That Thursday night, because the All-Star game was on, the four of them had curled up in Ryan and Marissa's king sized bed together, a smorgasbord of junk food scattered about the room, everything from pizza, Napoleonic so as not to give Marissa heartburn, to the no-bake cookies Garrett had made that day under Marissa's instruction. The game, as All-Star games tend to do, went late into the night, long after the tired boys had fallen asleep only to be carried one at a time to their room by Ryan, and, afterwards, Ryan and Marissa were left alone, cuddled up, to enjoy the end of the game together. By the time it reached the bottom of the ninth, tied and looking to remain that way for quite a while, Marissa made her way down to the kitchen craving pumpkin pie. Too lazy to make the whole thing, she dumped a can of pumpkin into a baking dish, added the necessary ingredients for the flavoring of a pie filling, and went back upstairs to snuggle with Ryan until it was ready. An hour and a half later, Marissa woke up suddenly, remembering that the pumpkin was still in the oven.

Ryan never realized that she had gotten out of bed; he was too tired to even notice her movements when she reentered their room, pumpkin in hand, though it was burnt, and crawled back in beside him. It might not taste as it should, but she was still craving it and she had used the last can in the house, so, despite the circumstances, a very uncomfortable Marissa devoured her burnt pumpkin, relishing it anyway regardless of its rather unappetizing taste, and then settled back down into bed, for once, cool enough from the air conditioning that she didn't mind the blankets. Now that she was full, the baby quieted down and she fell into a deep sleep, a smile etched across her sweet face.

"Ryan," Marissa shot up in bed, her voice betraying the pain she was feeling and her agitated whisper. When he didn't even budge, she pushed him away from her and said his name again, louder. "Ryan, come on, get up. It's time."

"I'll mow the grass tomorrow, honey, promise," he answered her still asleep, rolling over and pulling his pillow on top of his head.

"Ugh," Marissa groaned out of annoyance, snapping the pillow away from his grasping hands in a flash and tossing it across the room. "No, jackass, you need to get up now. It's time."

Finally waking up somewhat, he rolled over to face her, confusion clouding his countenance. "Time for what?"

"Oh, I don't know," Marissa's sarcastic voice bit out, "perhaps it's time for my hair appointment or for you to water the flowers or maybe the dryer just quit and you need to switch the laundry." Pausing to take a breath, she began again, her tone, this time, angrier and louder. "What the hell do you think it's time for, Ryan? It's time for the baby."

Somehow, even through her screaming, he remained half asleep, not able to comprehend what she was saying. Rolling back over after patting her hand affectionately, he said, "that's nice. Tell me about it in the morning."

That was it; Marissa could not take another minute of this. Infuriated, she stood up from the bed soaked with amniotic fluid because her water broke while they had been sleeping, and pulled the blankets off of Ryan, causing him to curl up in a little ball. "Ryan, get up now! We have to wake the boys, get the bags, and drive to the hospital before this baby is born in the middle of our bedroom!"

Mumbling, he asked, "what baby?"

Fuming, she stomped up to his side of the bed and bent down as low as her body would allow, cradling her stomach the entire time. "What baby," she whispered, her tone suddenly more hostile than it had been when she was yelling, "did you dare just ask me what baby?" Suddenly, gripped with a white, hot iron, searing pain, she screamed out, her voice so filled with agony Ryan shot out of the bed, "OUR….DAUGHTER," and froze, incapable of moving or thinking past the secret she had just, unconsciously admitted to him.

"A daughter…..we're having a baby girl," he repeated, the adorable, stunned expression on his face easing some of Marissa's annoyance once the pain dissipated.

"Yeah, and if you don't hurry up, I'm going to be pushing her out right here with only you to catch her, something that doesn't make me feel very comfortable right now."

Jumping out of bed, Ryan sprang into action, finding the loose, light dress Marissa had already set out for herself to go to the hospital in and her favorite pair of flip-flops and helping her into them. In the middle of dressing her, he spoke up, curiously. "Why am I wet?"

"My water br….," she began before immediately falling down to sit on the edge of the bed. "Oh my god, I'm going to be sick," Marissa told him; but before he could react, she did exactly what she predicted, vomiting a horrendous burnt orange mixture of over-cooked pumpkin and various things from dinner all over Ryan who was still only in his boxers. She tried to be sympathetic, but the sight of him in front of her looking so bewildered and lost, his shorts soaked and vomit running down his stomach, she couldn't help but start laughing. Only after a minute or two could she finally stand up for she was giggling so hard, Ryan still so shocked he couldn't move, to help him into the bathroom. "Get yourself cleaned up and changed. I'll go get the boys, brush my teeth, and we'll go." She was still laughing as she walked out the door despite the fact that another contraction was already coming, a mere four minutes after her last one. Their little girl was coming and doing so quickly. They had to leave NOW!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

This was not Marissa's first time in labor, but nothing was the same as it was with Garrett and Cooper. The pain seemed more intense, deeper, more memorable. The contractions were closer together and the labor was progressing much faster than she ever remembered it with either of the boys, and they had both been quick births. The baby seemed larger, and, although the boys had not been small, she probably was larger, because Ryan had seen to it that she ate everything she was supposed to. However, compared to the biggest difference with this delivery, these all seemed minor and trivial. This time, with this baby, Marissa was not alone.

She had someone there to hold her hand, whisper encouraging words into her ear, and wipe her sweaty brow. She had someone to kiss her when it was over, to tell her that he loved her, to beam out of pride and joy when his child was placed in his arms for the first time. She had someone to watch over her while she recuperated, someone to sit by her side while she was in bed, someone to discuss the utter perfection of the life they had created together. She had love from someone, had love to give to someone, and they had a shared loved for the baby she was delivering. She had Ryan.

But he was no where in sight…..

Ryan thought that nothing could seem as endless and slow as the drive to the hospital, but he was wrong. Filling out paperwork, situating the boys, and changing into his scrubs were taking longer than their hellish trip to the hospital. Marissa had screamed in pain, the boys had cowered in fright at the sight of their Mother so miserable, and Ryan had felt completely helpless. He tried to reassure Garrett and Cooper that their Mom would be fine, but as soon as he had them calmed down, another contraction would hit and her fresh waves of whimpers would scare them all over again. He tried to sooth her pain, but there was nothing he could do to speed up her labor, and, to be honest, he did not want to. Delivering a baby was supposed to take hours; all the books had told him that, but Marissa's pace was much faster than he had been prepared for, and, suddenly, all the notes he had made in secret for himself were completely irrelevant.

Luckily, for all of them, Marissa remained calm the entire time. When they got to the hospital, she told Garrett to get her a wheelchair and sat down, taking her and the baby's bag from Cooper's hands and holding it while she waited for someone to show her to a room. Patiently, she told Ryan again exactly what he needed to do, and, as she was wheeled off, a smile, unbelievably on her radiant face, he heard her giggling softly while she and the nurse chatted amiable. With her voice running through his head, he had set to work.

First, while Cooper and Garrett sat quietly, practically sleeping in their chairs, waited, he filled out the paper work. It took longer than it should have, because he could not get his hand to quit shaking. Eventually, his nerves so high strung, a kind desk nurse had to take the forms from him and fill them out while he answered the questions verbally. Even then she had to rattle him out of his thoughts by repeating a question or speaking slightly louder. In what seemed to be a repeating pattern, he heard the amused nurse laugh softly to herself as he and the boys walked away.

Having already arranged it with the staff, the boys were allowed to stay in the waiting room on the maternity floor. Thankfully, the hospital was relatively quiet that night, so the boys had been able to go back to sleep after Ryan went back down to the car and grabbed their camping gear, bringing them pillows and sleeping bags. Tucking them into their makeshift beds on the floor, Ryan promised them both that he would come and wake them up as soon as he had news. With one last glance back at the two boys who were already nodding off to dreamland before he left the room, Ryan had quickly made his way to change into his scrubs, another task that would prove to be more challenging than he had predicted.

Granted, his hands were still shaking, making it difficult to unbutton his shirt, but he just could not focus. His mind was fluttering over every concern he had, whether or not both Marissa and the baby would be healthy, how the boys would adjust to a little sister, if he was going to be a good father or not. Sure, he loved both Garrett and Cooper, thought of them as his own sons, but babies were different. He'd never even held a baby before. Yet, while his mind would not give him a moment's peace, his heart was swollen with pure happiness. Ryan was not the type of man who had felt this often. If he was honest with himself, he'd admit that it had only happened a handful of times in the past, and each and every time they involved Marissa, and here he was again, actually happy, and he did not know how to act. It was as if his body was frozen with anticipation, both good and bad, and all he could do was breathe. He was about to be a father….with Marissa, the only person in his whole life he knew for sure had loved him.

Lost in thought and dreams, he was startled when there was a sudden knock at the door and an impatient voice calling out for him.

"Mr. Atwood, if you're going to be there to see your baby born, I suggest you come now unless you plan on staying in there until the next time your fiancé gives birth." Voice softer, the nurse continued, "she's asking for you," before slipping away so quickly, she was out of sight by the time Ryan had the door open. Sprinting down the hall, all his concerns and ideas vanished. Marissa needed him, his daughter needed him, they both needed him.

He heard Marissa yelling before he saw her, the screams guttural and agonizing, making him run even faster. It didn't matter that he didn't know what he was going to do, he knew he had to do something to make the labor easier on her, and he realized, the moment he rushed through the doors slightly out of breath, his hands clammy from excitement, nerves, and anticipation, and saw her pain filled face immediately break into a smile, that just being there was enough for her. As sad as it was, she had never had that before, and he intended to remain at her side for as long as she wanted him to.

"I'm sorry I took so long," Ryan apologized as he took one of her hands in his and kissed it. Brushing her sweat dampened hair off of her brow, he continued, "I couldn't seem to hold a pen steady long enough to fill out your medical forms, so the nurse had to write it for me, and then I got the boys tucked in and myself changed, but I couldn't….."

"Ryan," Marissa panted out, her patience thin, "Shut up! I don't….care….where you….were," she struggled to say, her breathing heavy and sporadic. "You're here….now."

Smiling down at her, Ryan didn't even mind when she dug her sharp nails into his hand as another contraction hit. It was as if he couldn't even feel the pain. Kissing her forehead one last time, he stood up and started helping her through her breathing techniques, his mind working on autopilot while he watched her utterly fascinated by everything that was happening. He wanted to savor the moment so that someday he could remember every little detail about it. Startling him out of his thoughts, a doctor hurried into the room already prepared for delivery.

"Hello, Marissa, I'm Doctor McAdams. We paged your regular ob-gyn when you got here, but you're moving too quickly. I'm going to have to deliver your baby for you," the sixty year old, kind, well qualified and practiced man told them.

By this point Marissa did not care who was delivering their daughter; she just wanted the labor to be over with, while Ryan just became even more nervous as more of his concrete plan, a plan that was based upon his notes taken from numerous books, was further chipped away. There was no need for him to worry though, because by the time his brain had accepted the fact that a different doctor was delivering their child, a doctor he had never met or even heard of before, he heard a voice calling for him.

"What's her name, Dad," the same nurse who retrieved him from the bathroom before asked as she handed the tiny baby, wrapped only in an equally tiny pink blanket, over to him. Somehow he had managed to do everything right. How, he had no idea, and, frankly, he had little recollection, but his daughter was safely in his arms and Marissa was smiling up at him, her eyes already heavy with sleep, her hands still entwined with his.

"Yeah, Daddy," she cooed out softly, so softly it seemed as if she was already falling into a deep sleep, pure exhaustion taking over, "what's her name?"

Looking down at his daughter, Ryan knew her name instantly. There was no need to think about it. She just was who she was. Sharing a glance with Marissa first before he retuned his eyes to the little girl in his arms, he spoke in a gentle, proud tone, "Loren Shae Atwood."

"Come on, sleepyheads," Ryan playfully ordered, ruffling Cooper's hair as he walked past the younger boy. "Time to rise and shine. We have a busy day in front of us."

It was 10:00 in the morning, and, although he had only gotten a few hours of sleep, Ryan had never felt so energized in his life. There was so much he wanted to do. They had to introduce the boys to Loren and spend some time with Garrett and Cooper since they would be in the hospital for another night. He thought he would take them home, let them shower and change, grab some toys, perhaps play in the park with them for a little while. Sure, he didn't want to leave his girls, but the two boys could not remain cooped up in a hospital all day long. It would be good for both of them to get out and get some fresh air.

Then, when they got back, they would all eat dinner together in Marissa's room, and he could spend another night, sleeping occasionally, just staring at his fiancé and their innocent, perfect, little girl. He wasn't sure if he would ever tire of looking at them. Watching Marissa breast feed Loren, watching them cuddle together, Marissa whispering and singing soft lullabies to her the entire time, watching them form an unbreakable bond that only mothers and daughters can understand, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. Little did he know that, to Marissa, watching Ryan interact with his daughter made her whole world stop moving, peace engulfing her entire being while everything just seemed to make sense when they were together.

Speaking up, Cooper snapped Ryan out of the trance he was in. "Ryan," the precocious little boy asked, "can we go see Mom yet?"

"Actually," Ryan began sitting down between the two boys who were now awake and attentive, "I thought we'd head down to the cafeteria first. Your Mom is feeding the baby right now, so we'll eat while they eat, and then we'll go run some errands and come back to see her when everyone is full and clean." Looking at them curiously, he asked. "How much do you remember about what I told you this morning when I woke you up with the news?"

"You woke us up," Cooper asked confused making his older brother laugh.

"Mommy had a girl," Garrett answered Ryan. "And you named her Loren, right?"

Standing up with the two boys, he started walking out of the room, his arms slung around their shoulders affectionately. "Exactly, and it's now obvious to me that I should never talk to Cooper when he's sleeping." Pulling the younger boy in for a small hug as they continued walking, the three of them laughed until Garrett stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uh…Ryan, aren't we forgetting something?"

Looking around confused, Ryan checked his back pocket for his wallet. "I have money," he said out loud as if he was thinking through an imaginary check list. "You're both with me, the nurses don't care if we leave your blankets and pillows in the room, and I was just with your Mom and Loren, and they're fine. What are we forgetting?"

"We're still in our pajamas," Garret answered with a quiet laugh. "Are we allowed to wear them to the cafeteria?"

Motioning for the two boys to come along, Ryan repositioned his arms around them as they made their way down the hallway. "Garrett, most people walk around this place in their backless hospital gowns….without any underwear on. I think you and your brother are safe."

The boys giggled as they made their way to the elevators, finding Ryan's comment to be one of the funniest things they've ever heard and making sure their eyes avoided the backs of patients, Ryan laughed silently at the two boys, finding their mirth captivating and amusing and letting his eyes stray from one to the other, and the nurses all smiled at all three of the boys, finding their connection amazing and joining their eyes together in knowing looks.

Seeing her two little boys walk timidly through her hospital door put a wide smile on Marissa's face, a smile made even larger when her eyes caught those of her fiancé. Time stood still as they just watched each other. No words were needed. Smiling at her one last time, he slipped back out of the room, giving Cooper and Garrett some alone time with their Mom while he went to get Loren from the nursery.

Patting the bed, Marissa sat up slowly, still in pain from labor, so her sons could join her. They sat down gingerly, obviously nervous about hurting her, but when she settled back in the bed with a boy to each side of her, her arms placed carefully around their lean little bodies, they relaxed into her embrace, savoring the feeling of their Mother's nearness. Neither would admit to anything, but both had been beyond frightened the night before. The last time they had seen their Mom she had been crying out of discomfort and screaming in pain. Their little minds did not know this was normal for a woman in labor. Pain, at that level, to them, was always something bad. It was a relief to see her happy, smiling, and, if not comfortable, at least not in agony any longer.

"Did you sleep okay in the waiting room," Marissa broke through the silence, the concerned mother always. "I'm sorry about dragging you here, but there was nowhere else you could go. Q might be a great pet, but she's no Nana. There will be no babysitting for that dog!"

"Well, I'll be eleven this year," Garrett pointed out thoughtfully while Cooper giggled at Marissa's comment. "That's almost a teenager, so I'll be able to watch Cooper and the baby soon."

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Marissa responded, her voice calm but her eyes expressing the sheer fear she felt at the idea that her baby, her first born, would soon be old enough to baby-sit his younger siblings. "So, what do you think of the baby's name," she asked, changing the subject. There was no way she was discussing the idea of Garrett as a teenager any longer.

"It's okay," Cooper dismissed quickly, making it obvious that he could care less about his little sister's name. "When do we get to see her?"

"Ryan went to get her. They'll be back soon," Marissa answered. "What about you though Garrett, what do you think of the name?"

"I like Shae," he answered her, his eyes lighting up with recognition. "Do you know that there is a baseball player with that name? He used to play for the Red Sox."

Laughing, Marissa rolled her eyes and responded, "I have heard that around before." Kissing her son's forehead quickly, she looked in his eyes as she spoke again, slowly, meaningfully. "You are so much like Ryan," making the little boy beam out of pride.

Dragging her eyes away from her oldest child's, Marissa changed the subject again. "But you've both had breakfast and lunch, and Ryan took you home to shower and change, right?"

"Yes, he did," Ryan answered for himself, walking into the room with Loren fit securely in his arms. Kissing Marissa softly on the lips and eliciting moans of complaint from both Garrett and Cooper, Ryan handed her their daughter. "She told me she wanted her Mommy."

Looking from her fiancé to her daughter, Marissa teased, "I bet she did," but their moment was interrupted by a curious Cooper.

"She's really little, Mom, and you were really big!" Ryan couldn't help but bite back a laugh at the child's naiveté when it came to women. "How much does she weigh," Cooper pressed on. "I bet Garret and I were never that small."

"Actually, you were smaller than Loren, both of you were. She was seven pounds, four ounces, and she's taller than the two of you were, too. She's 21 inches, but you, Cooper were only 19 inches, and Garrett was 20."

"Which of us does she look like more, Mom," Garrett asked curious, his index finger gently rubbing his sister's balled tiny fist.

"I don't think she looks like either of you," Marissa answered, looking adoringly at her daughter. "She looks like her Daddy."

"But with her Mom's nose, thankfully," Ryan joked.

While the three more mature family members continued to examine the new addition to their household, Cooper was bored and eager to turn the conversation back to something he was interested in. Suddenly speaking out, his voice loud, he startled Loren and made Marissa cringe slightly at his voice level. "Do you know that people wear backless gowns around here, Mom, and that they don't wear underwear? Ryan told us."

Shaking her head in exasperation, she just laughed. "And aren't we all glad he enlightened you about that little piece of hospital trivia? I can only imagine what kind of trouble you two will get into with that information."

Ryan merely shrugged his shoulders at Marissa and grinned before turning to Garrett and Cooper. "Why don't the two of you go and sneak in the surprise we got for your Mom," he suggested, winking slyly.

Jumping off the bed, both boys ran out of the room in a hurry, leaving Ryan and Marissa alone with just Loren. Moving to her side, Ryan sat down beside his girls, putting his arm protectively around Marissa.

"I don't even want to know what you fed them today to make them so hyper," she laughed. "Did you have fun in the park though?"

"They had fun; I kept checking my watch, but they needed the time to play. How was your nap?"

"Refreshing, but boring." Leaning her head against his chest, she whispered, "we missed you while you were gone."

"Same here," he softly replied back to her, his breath on her face making her sigh in contentment. Their moment did not last for long as the boys came back in with illegal contraband, Chinese takeout, but it was a good interruption. While Marissa, Garrett, and Cooper ate and talked, Ryan held Loren as she slept. He could eat anytime, but he could only experience this exact moment once.

The next few days passed by smoothly. Surprisingly, everyone adjusted to life with a newborn easily. Although they could not afford for Ryan to miss work, Marissa had the boys to keep her company and help her with Loren. Soon, before anyone knew it, a day had turned into a week, and in a blink of an eye, July was over and it was time for Garrett and Cooper to go to Newport for their first visit with Gerry since the divorce was finalized. Marissa had put it off as long as possible, claiming it was impossible for them to leave until after she had the baby and they were all settled into their new life, but three weeks after Loren's birth, she couldn't use that excuse any longer. Even though there would be a court appointed nanny with the boys the entire time they were with Gerry, she did not want to be separated from them for even a single day. Having the baby had just seemed to make her even closer to her two sons.

They did not want to go either. Besides the fact that neither boy exactly liked their father, they had lives in San Francisco now, a family with not just a Mom like they used to have but a baby sister, a dog, and, the biggest difference, Ryan. They had friends in their neighborhood, adventures to be realized, trouble to get into. The idea of going back to their old life not only was unappealing, but frightened them as well.

Gerry's plane was supposed to land in an hour, the nanny coming with him because he was not allowed to be alone with boys without supervision. Garrett and Cooper were in the backyard playing frisbee, trying desperately to forget about their imminent trip. It was not working so well. Ryan was in the nursery, changing Loren and worrying about Marissa who was in their room, in bed, silently crying. She was depressed about the boys leaving. The only thing that could cheer her up was Loren's big, brilliant blue eyes staring dreamily back at her.

"Knock, knock," Ryan said softly, peeking his head in the doorway of his and Marissa's room before walking inside, Loren awake in his arms. "We came to see how you were feeling. Are you hungry? I could make you something."

"No thanks," Marissa replied listlessly, smiling up at Ryan, but the expression was lacking in sincerity. He knew she was miserable, and she knew she couldn't hide it from him.

"What about a movie," he offered unwilling to give up yet. "I'll even let you pick, no complaining, promise. Just you, me, and Loren; we'll snuggle up together in bed all night. We'll eat popcorn and candy; she'll have breast milk, not my personal favorite, but I do like how it's served. What do you say?"

Rolling back over, she responded, "maybe later."

"Okay," Ryan conceded, standing up and kissing her hair softly before starting to walk away, Loren's soft cries stopping him and making Marissa sit up.

"I'll take her, Ryan," she offered, her hands already outstretched to hold their daughter. "Go spend some time with the boys before they leave. We'll save you a spot on the bed for later."

He knew she was just agreeing to watch the movie for his sake, but he would take what he could get and walked out of the room. Marissa could hear him rummaging around in Garrett's room, she assumed he was looking for some piece of sporting equipment, but she didn't pay much attention. She just watched her daughter lay contently in her arms, her soft features the essence of tranquility and sweetness. Lost in thought, she never heard the phone ring or Ryan answer it, but slowly his voice crept into her consciousness until the point where she was interested in what he was saying and listening intently.

"Are you running late," she heard Ryan ask whoever was on the line. "What do you mean you're not coming? It took us forever to plan this date." As he paused again, her mind feverishly ran over the possibilities of who he could be talking to. "No, it's fine. Actually, it's better than fine. To be honest, they didn't want to come and we didn't want them to go, but, so we can be prepared, what dates are you thinking of now for the visit?"

That's all she needed to hear to know her boys were going nowhere. It wasn't the first time their father didn't live up to his promises and it wouldn't be the last, but Garrett and Cooper did not need a disinterested father, because they had Ryan for a Dad. Kissing Loren's chubby cheek, she giggled exuberantly. "Looks like it's going to be a party for five now, baby, instead of three, but we don't mind, do we? No we don't, no we don't," she repeated in a childish voice, rubbing her nose with her daughter's.

"So, the visit has been indefinitely postponed," she suddenly heard Ryan's voice again, her smile growing even wider at his words. "Works for me," he replied abruptly. She could picture the grin on his face as he walked to their room to share the good news with her, so excited he still held the phone in his hand. And just like that, another piece of the puzzle fell into place as their family became one step closer to never being separated again.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Lying in bed, his arms wrapped tightly around Marissa, Ryan let his eyes stray from the sunrise that was peeking in through the sheers on their bedroom window to the clock as the early morning minutes ticked by peacefully, the house still silent as he was the only one awake. This was his favorite moment of the day: first light. He was awake before the alarm went off every day, as if his body knew that he wanted Marissa to be able to sleep through it for as long as she could, and he would turn it off before a sound could be made, holding her to him closely, never wanting to let go, as he went over the things he had to do that day. While he thought, he let his eyes roam her body, a body that was already, only two months after giving birth, practically perfect again. His nose would take in her very unique scent of lavender, baby lotion, and rose petals; to Ryan it was the best aroma in the world, and his fingers would gently caress her naked skin; its silky smooth quality lulling him into peaceful tranquility.

Eventually, however, he would have to pull himself away from her to start their routine. Because she took the middle of the night feeding at two, he would be up by six to feed Loren again and get the boys ready for school while she slept in. Although she could, for now, remain in bed until well after he left for work and had put Loren in her bassinette in their room for her morning nap, she would be starting back to work the next week and every extra hour of rest that he could give her would be essential. She was eager to return to their normal lives, but he knew she would have a hard time actually doing it. The past two months, with her three children by her side all the time, had been magical for Marissa.

So, just as his routine dictated, Ryan carefully reached across Marissa's body to turn off the alarm clock and slipped out of bed, carelessly throwing on the pajamas he had discarded the night before after the boys were asleep. Shutting the door behind him softly, he tiptoed down the hall to the stairs and headed for the kitchen. Loren wasn't awake yet, but she would be in any minute, hungry for her bottle. Grabbing an already made bottle from the fridge, for Marissa would pump every night; he warmed it in the microwave before taking the stairs quickly to feed his daughter.

This, being alone with Loren every morning, feeding her, changing her for the day, just made his early mornings even better. As Ryan walked into the nursery, painted in purple with a butterfly theme because Marissa thought pink was too cliché, he was surprised to see that his daughter was already awake, merely laying in the bassinette they kept in this room staring up at him expectantly, eyes still soft with sleep, face dimpled and chubby, her hands clutched in tiny fists. Picking her up, he cradled her delicately in his arms, settling down into an antique rocking chair Marissa had placed in the room.

Eagerly, her little mouthed attached to the bottle quickly, sucking greedily, her gulping sounds making Ryan smile to himself. As she closed her eyes in contentment, he relaxed into the chair, his eyes never straying from her beautiful face.

"Do you know what I was thinking about this morning, Loren," he asked her softly, a bemused smile across his lips. "I was thinking about how much I love the mornings, waking up with your Mommy in my arms, taking care of you, getting your brothers ready for school." Laughing at himself quietly, he continued. "If someone would have told me two years ago that this would be my life, I wouldn't have believed them, but now, I couldn't even imagine my life without the four of you in it." Leaning down, he kissed her forehead and smiled once again before whispering to her. "At this point, the four of you are my life."

They, father and daughter, sat together united in tranquility and solitude, sunlight transforming the room into a fairy's forest when a small, timid voice broke through the silence. "Ryan," Garrett asked in a murmur, "do you mind if I….you know….I mean if it's okay with you…."

"Garrett," Ryan admonished gently, chuckling at the boy's shyness, "just ask me what you want. I'm sure I won't mind."

"It's just that….um…I'd really like to feed Loren if it's okay. Mommy was always nervous before because she said her head was still too soft, but I've been watching you both feed her and I think I can do it."

"You're her big brother," Ryan responded, standing up while talking, the bottle still securely placed in Loren's mouth. "Of course you can feed her. Now, why don't you sit down in the rocker and I'll hand her to you once you get situated."

As soon as he had permission, a large grin transformed Garrett's face as he slid into the chair talking the entire time. "I can't wait for my first chance to take something into school for show and tell, because I'm going to take Loren in."

Handing the little girl to her eager brother, Ryan sat down in front of them on the ottoman, marveling even at how small his daughter looked in a child's arms. "Well I'm sure most of the kids in your class have seen a baby before, and," he added kindly, "they probably have little sisters of their own."

"Oh, I know that, but we're supposed to bring in something that reminds us of our summer vacation. Plus," Garrett continued thoughtfully, his youthful eyes casting their way towards Ryan's, "no one's sister's as cool or as cute as Loren."

Grinning, Ryan said, "I couldn't agree with you more, buddy." Proudly, he beamed, "I happen to think she's the most adorable baby ever."

Breaking eye contact, the smile fading from his face, Garrett looked down at his baby sister. Although he did not say anything, Ryan knew that something was wrong, but, knowing that the young boy would speak when he was ready, he just sat back and watched the two siblings interact. Finally, Garrett spoke up. "I wish you would have been around when me and Cooper were babies." Before Ryan could respond, he pushed on. "I never really said anything to mom, but I remember Cooper's third birthday party. It was just us, Mom, Cooper, and me, and when he blew out his candles on the cake, he looked up and started to cry. When Mommy picked him up and hugged him, she asked him what was wrong. He told her he didn't get what he wanted for his birthday. She was upset, because she thought she had forgotten something he had asked for, but she never knew that we had the same birthday wish every year. We asked for a Dad." Sniffling, he looked back up at the man in front of him, at the man who meant so much to him with a sad smile on his face, the tears evident in his eyes. "I'm glad that Loren has a Daddy who loves her."

Ryan didn't know what to say. What could you say to something like that, something so heartbreakingly sad? It made him angry, what Garrett had told him, angry at Gerry, yet again, for how much he had hurt his two children, two little, innocent boys, and for making Marissa, essentially, a single parent; yet, at the same time, it made him thankful that he had met the three of them, that fate had brought him to their perfectly functional and adequate kitchen to remodel and that Garrett had enough faith in him to realize that he would always be there for his daughter. Those ten little words, 'I'm glad that Loren has a Daddy who loves her,' meant more to Ryan than he could express…even if he had the speaking capability to formulate the right words. Instead, he stood up and kissed Garrett's head, cradling him into his side for an easy, delicate hug because he was still feeding the baby.

"I'm always going to be here," Ryan finally spoke up, "and not just for your Mom and for Loren, but for you and Cooper, too. You're my kids just as much as Loren is and you always will be. We're a family now. Families stick together."

Sighing contentedly, Garrett merely nodded his head at Ryan. Like always, no words were needed between them, but their moment was interrupted by someone who, unlike Ryan and Garrett, was very fond of words: Cooper.

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he trudged into the nursery with his blanket still wrapped around his small frame. "What's going on," he asked, not waiting for a response before he kept talking. "How come Garrett's allowed to feed Loren and I'm not allowed, and why is he already up? Is breakfast ready?"

Motioning for Cooper to join them, Ryan started answering his plethora of questions. "Garrett's feeding Loren because he asked and I said it was okay. If you want to," Ryan amended quickly before the younger boy could object, "you can have your turn tomorrow morning."

"What about tonight," Cooper asked inquisitively. "I'm always tired in the morning, and I don't want to have to get up early just to feed her."

Rolling his eyes, Ryan just nodded his head to show that the young boy's suggestion was fine. "As for why Garrett was up early," he continued, "I don't know. Why don't you ask him while you two get ready for school? Breakfast is not ready yet, but I'll make it in a few minutes after I burp and change Loren," Ryan said as he picked up his daughter from Garrett's arms. As the two boys ran out of the nursery towards their own bedrooms, he called after them, "and make sure you wear the clothes your Mom picked out for you last night." Lowering his voice, he whispered playfully to the full, little girl in his arms, "because we don't want a mad Mommy, do we?" He would swear that she laughed with him.

With a freshly changed and dressed, happy little girl cradled in his left arm, her carrier in his right, Ryan made his way down to the kitchen to make breakfast. Placing Loren in the seat and buckling her in just for safety, he set to work, his eye constantly straying towards his daughter to check to make sure she was okay….which she was. She just sat there, watching his every move, silent and happy. First, he put coffee on for Marissa and him and then poured each boy a glass of orange juice. Suddenly, disturbing the peace and quiet, Cooper ran into the room.

"Can we have French toast this morning, Ryan," he asked breathlessly, moving to drink down his orange juice in one quick gulp.

_So that's where Loren gets her greedy drinking habits,_ Ryan chuckled to himself before responding. "French toast sounds good to me, but Cooper," he only continued when the little boy met his eye, "did you forget to do something when you were getting ready….like brush your hair?"

Remembering the missed step in his grooming process as if he'd never even heard of the idea before, he said, "Oh….yeah, but it really doesn't matter. I like it like this."

"I bet you do," Ryan snorted. "Your mother doesn't, however, so get those lazy bones up those stairs and brush your hair before she comes down here, sees you, and takes her own hair brush to me…and I don't mean on my hair."

Cooper's laughter was followed by hushed conversation between the two brothers, and then Garrett arrived in the room with Ryan and his sister, impeccably dressed, neat and orderly, hair combed and tamed. "What's for breakfast, Ryan?"

"French toast, Cooper requested it and it sounded good to me, too."

Nodding his head to show his approval for the meal, he responded, "Mom likes it, too. Can I help?"

"Sure can," Ryan agreed, signaling for the young boy to put an apron on to cover his school clothes despite his silent protests with his objecting eyes and pouting lips. "While I get the pan ready, why don't you go and get me the supplies from the fridge?"

Cooking together, Cooper joining in to help after brushing his hair, the three Atwood-Carnahan boys passed the early morning just like they always did now, laughing and smiling, the three them all keeping an eye on the little girl slobbering away in her carrier who controlled their every whim.

An hour later, the boys were fed, packed, and off to school on the bus, something they still found to be a novelty because of their privileged, private school background. Both Ryan and Marissa knew that would wear off sooner rather than later unfortunately. Loren had fallen back to sleep, tucked in securely in her bassinette in her parent's bedroom, totally oblivious to those around her and what they were doing….which was completely innocent.

After putting his daughter down for her morning nap, Ryan had made his way back downstairs to make Marissa's breakfast, carrying it up for her on a tray so she could eat in bed. As if she could sense his presence….or perhaps smell the food, Marissa rolled over to greet him just as he and the tray walked through the door. Smiling brightly, she waited for him to put the food down before nodding towards her robe.

"I prefer you without," Ryan teased her, handing her the thin silk fabric anyway.

"Those days are over with, Daddy," she taunted him back, tantalizing him as she let the sheet fall from her chest as she slipped the robe on. "We are not traumatizing our daughter by having her wake up to see her parents naked….in their bed….doing things."

Handing her the tray, he sat down beside her, newspaper in hand as had been their custom since Marissa had come home from the hospital with Loren. Both too impatient to wait for the other to read the paper, they had decided to read it together every morning before Ryan went to work. "It's not like she'd even realize what she's seeing," Ryan responded, taking the sports page and handing Marissa the rest of the paper. "Besides, she's fed, changed, and out like a light. We have plenty of time to….do things as you put it."

"And what about work?"

"I work for myself," Ryan shot back instantly, enjoying their playful banter. "I decide when and if I go to work."

"Actually, I think I decide that," she mocked him only to receive a glare followed quickly by a bright smile. "Speaking of work, how soon do you have to leave," she asked, her tone suddenly depressed and withdrawn.

"Soon."

Surprising Ryan, she put her tray of food on the ground and snuggled into his arms, pulling him closely to her. "I can eat that anytime," Marissa explained, knowing he would be confused. "And right now I just want to enjoy you while you're still here."

"I can do that," Ryan said kissing her softly. Not wanting her to focus on the loneliness she suffered with during the day, he kept talking. "What do you and Loren have planned for the day?"

"Nothing exciting, just errands and cleaning," she answered, playing with his hand. "I have to run to the store and pick up some food for dinner this week. Then I think we'll try to get caught up on the laundry so maybe we could do something fun tomorrow….like work out in the gardens." Laughing, she added, "I have many tricks of the gardening trade to teach her, so we better start now."

"And it will be good to have all the yard work caught up before you go back to work next week," Ryan pointed out not 100 innocently. He wanted to gauge what her reaction would be to having to leave Loren during the day, because he did not think it would be easy for her. The silence that pervaded the room after he brought up the hospital and her job there were all the proof he needed to let him know he was right. "It'll be good for you, to go back to work. You'll be able to make some friends, get out, talk to people older than two month olds while I'm at work and the boys are in school…..right?"

Sighing, she responded, "I know you're right," and he could here her sniffling back her tears, "but it's easier said than done. I mean, what are we going to do with Loren? I've never left my children with anyone else, especially not when they're two months old. What if something goes wrong? What if they don't know what toys she likes, what songs she likes us to sing to her when she goes to sleep, that she likes people to talk to her?"

"Nothing will go wrong," he reassured, soothing her with the gentle touch of his hands in her hair, "and we'll tell them everything they'll need to know, make lists if we have to."

"But what about breast feeding," she continued to argue. "I can't go all day without either nursing or pumping, which means I'll either have to dump it out or store in the on-call room's fridge, and who knows what will happen to it there, and I'm not ready to stop nursing yet and switch to formula."

He knew she would keep talking, keep worrying, keep fretting over things that neither of them could change. "If you don't want to go back to work, just say so. We'll make it work on just my income if we have to."

"No," she dismissed, "we're not doing that. I'm not letting you do that. We would never see you, you'd become stressed, rundown, tired, and I can't handle that. I need you here with me and healthy and happy as much as I can get you; the boys…and Loren do as well. If it means I have to deal with a little bit of adjustment, then I'll just suck it up and accept it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," she smiled up at him, "and I don't want to hear any more talk about you taking the entire burden of supporting our family on your own shoulders. We made this family together, so we're going to make it work together, too. Besides, I'm just overreacting again. We'll figure something out. I know it."

Ryan did, too. No matter what, he would find someway to make sure Marissa was comfortable going back to work the next week and that Loren would have reliable care givers. Everything was finally going right for them. Nothing could get in their way now. Turning Marissa around in his arms, his mouth sought hers in an embrace of comfort, of trust, of love before he pulled away, got out of bed, kissed his daughter goodbye, and then made his way out their bedroom door to go to work with a wave towards Marissa, a smile on his face, and his mind already thinking of ways he could fix Marissa's insecurities about leaving their newborn daughter when she went back to her job and her studies at the hospital.

Arms full, Marissa, with Loren, Loren's carrier, the diaper bag, Marissa's work bag, and her purse, made her way from her SUV to the front door, trying to figure out how she was going to open the front door without having to put everything down on the ground first. Ryan had been right; everything had worked out for them. It turned out that there was a daycare service at the hospital. Why no one had bothered to tell her this before she went on maternity leave, she did not know, but Ryan had found out about it and told her. So, Loren was always close to her if something went wrong. She visited her on her lunch break to feed and play with her, and, if they ever needed anything, all they had to do was page her. A mother couldn't ask for more.

However, as she got closer to the door, she noticed that it was slightly ajar. The boys were at football practice, Ryan wasn't home, and she knew she had carefully locked the door that morning, which meant that someone was in the house. Scared, she scrambled back to the car, unlocked it, and put Loren inside, dropping her bags beside it, and running around to the back of the vehicle to get a baseball bat out. _Oh my god,_ she thought to herself, _what if the boys didn't play sports? Then what would I do?_ But there was no time to ponder the questions as she crept as quietly as she could back to the house, pushing the door open, bat poised to strike anyone or anything that threatened her and her family's safety.

Nothing in the house seemed disturbed as she made her way into the entry and then into the living room. _Must be upstairs_, Marissa presumed, moving towards the stairs, but as soon as she put her foot down on the first riser, a voice rang out in the house making her blood turn to ice. _How can they be here? Why are they here? I can't believe they broke in!_

"Marissa," the shrill, harping voice trilled throughout the entire house. "What ever happened to that amazing espresso machine you had when you lived in Newport? I'm dying for some coffee, but there is no way I'm drinking regular. People just….don't do that now."

Lowering the baseball bat, Marissa dejectedly walked to the kitchen where her mother was inevitably waiting to tear a new shred into her self-esteem and pride. "We fought over custody of the boys, Mom, not trivial appliances. If you want an espresso that bad, you're going to have to drive to a café."

"Fine," Julie sighed exasperatedly, "I'll take a diet coke with lemon then."

"We don't drink pop," Marissa answered her, continuing to give her the beverage options before Julie could ask for something else outrageous or decadent. "There's regular coffee as you've already determined, water, orange juice, milk, and breast milk. That's it."

"Oh, that's right, you pushed the little bastard out," Marissa's mother responded snidely. "Boy or girl?"

"Girl… a girl who is out in the locked car because I thought someone was robbing us. What are you doing here," Marissa asked confused and annoyed, "and how the hell did you get into my house?"

Dismissing her daughter's concerns with a wave of her finely manicured hand, Julie explained, "I'm here because can't a mother come to visit her daughter, and I got in by picking the lock. How else?" Marissa was leaving that one alone. There was no way she wanted to know why or how Julie had come to learn how to pick a lock, but she made a mental note to herself to tell Ryan to install high tech locks, ones that would be almost impossible for the red headed lock expert to break into. Only the sound of Julie's voice brought her back to the present situation developing in her kitchen. "And about this daughter you now have, let me guess, you named her Julie," the smug woman mocked.

"Fat chance that will ever happen," Marissa answered her, the disdain present in her voice.

"Will ever happen," Julie pressed. "Does that mean you might have even more children with this….piece of poor white trash you're living with? Marissa, please, one mistake we could deal with, fix, make disappear by sending to boarding school, but a whole flock is going to be another story."

"Not might, Mother, we are having more children," Marissa answered. Walking outside to retrieve her daughter and her bags, she continued. "And what are you talking about, fix…make disappear….boarding school?"

"Marissa, please, this is just a phase, another form of rebellion you're using to hurt me. I get it, and it's okay; we can get passed it just as soon as you come to her senses. We'll pack up, give Gerry the boys, put this latest thing…."

No, not thing, not bastard, not burden," Marissa interrupted, "she's my daughter. She has a name, Loren Shae Atwood, and you're not going to have a damn thing to do with her."

"Loren Shae," Julie complained, "could you pick anything more peasant like, really? And as for letting her take that man's last name….well, we'll just have to change it legally with the courts. She can take your maiden name. Cooper is much more respectable than Atwood, even if your father was a waste of human space."

"That's it," Marissa exploded, putting Loren's seat down inside of the house along with the bags before pushing Julie back out the door and closing it softly behind her so her daughter would not hear what she was about to say. "You have been here five minutes and I cannot handle any more of you. You're leaving, now, and you will never set foot near me or my children again, do you understand me?" Before Julie could answer, she just pushed on. "You will have no say in how many children I have, who I have them with, what I name them, or their futures. You will not insult Ryan either. He is the father of my children, not just Loren but Garrett and Cooper as well, and he is my fiancé, the man I am going to marry, the man I love, the man I'm going to love and spend the rest of my life with."

"Then you're a fool, Marissa," Julie countered, her face the picture of indignity, pity, and wrath. "You could have had everything. The house, the cars, the vacations, the jewelry, the clothes, the lifestyle, everything we have dreamed of since you were a little girl, and you threw it away, for what, for some good sex? What do you know about this man…Ryan Atwood? Do you know his family, his background, his history? What if it's all a lie; what if he's not who he seems to be? Have you ever thought of that? Don't worry, I'm done with you. I won't be coming back. Fool," she repeated one last time, slowly, over her shoulder as she moved towards the rental car she had parked down the street.

"I'd rather be love's fool than your daughter," Marissa said simply with a shrug of her shoulders. With that, she walked away, turning her back on her mother for the last time and went into the house she now shared with her fiancé, a man she had met just fifteen months before, a man she had a child with, a man….she knew nothing about she realized as she slumped against the closed door. _It doesn't matter that you don't know that much about his life before you met him_, Marissa tried to reason with herself. _You know the man he is now. He's….Ryan._ But no matter what she told herself, the nagging voice in the back of her mind would not go away, a voice that sounded eerily like her Mother's, as she and Loren went about the house getting dinner ready and waiting for Garrett, Cooper,…..and Ryan…..to come home.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Between work, classes, the boys' school activities, football games, and doctor appointments for Loren, not to mention the various holidays and birthdays, the fall seemed to slip away between Marissa's fingers and disappear in a blink of an eye, the long days of sunshine and cheer exchanged for clouds and rain as Christmas was ushered into northern California. On top of everything else, she had been planning a wedding, a simple affair when compared to the standards of others, but with their busy lives it just added to the stress Marissa felt. She hid it well, not even Ryan realized how stressed she was, but even more than the wedding, because, at this point it was just a formality for she already felt as if she was Mrs. Ryan Atwood, she was looking forward to relaxing, no work, no courses, no commitments for a whole long weekend in New York City with the four people she cared the most for in the whole world. First, they had to get there though.

While Ryan and the boys were out picking up supplies for Q for while they were away, she was finishing the packing, double checking to see that they had everything they would need and probably more than was necessary. Traveling with three children, especially one who was just turning six months the next week, was a daunting task to say the least. Startling her out of her revelry, she heard the innocent sounds of her daughter waking on the baby monitor which sat on her nightstand, and made her way across the hall to the nursery, a smile immediately taking over her face at the sight of Loren. Picking her up, Marissa kissed her forehead softly, closing her eyes briefly as she just savored the feeling of her baby in her arms, before they went back to her room to continue packing.

"Mommy's doing the right thing, right angel," Marissa asked her daughter even though she knew she would never answer. She just needed to hear her own thoughts out loud in order to sort them out. "Everything's going to fine. We're going to get married, and your Daddy will open up to me about his past eventually. I know he will." Her words were resolute, but the secret doubts she had been harboring for more than three months continued to taunt her mind, creeping up on her when she least expected it.

Most of the time, Marissa forgot the haunting words her mother had voiced that fateful afternoon in September, but when she would least expect it, the nagging doubts would returns to her, making her question if in fact ignoring her queries was the best idea. She could be doing laundry, checking the pockets of Ryan's pants to make sure he hadn't left something in them that would either be destroyed or would destroy the washer if washed, and she would suddenly remember her uncertainty she lived with. He had a nasty habit of leaving nails and screws in his jeans, and washing metal could not be good for a washer. So, out of habit, she would check not only his pockets but the boys' as well, because they were beginning to emulate their soon-to-be stepfather in both good and bad ways. Innocently, one day she pulled out Ryan's wallet, and her mind immediately flashed to what she knew was inside of it: a treasure trove of information she could use to find out every particle of his past, his license number, his social security card, his birth certificate. Silently berating herself, she had left the wallet closed, returned it her fiancé with a smirk at his forgetfulness, and ignored her urges to look into his past.

The other times her doubts would re-emerge would be just as innocent and they would surprise her every time. Someone would mention their dislike for their Mother-in-law and she would realize that not only had she not met her future one, but she didn't even know her name. She would see signs for family reunions and suddenly remember that not only would her kids not know their mother's family because it was safer to keep them away from them, but they would never know their Dad's either, because he had never even mentioned having one. She would be shopping for Loren, looking for new clothes since she seemed to grow out of her outfits faster than Marissa could buy them, and she would stumble upon a little, tiny, adorable t-shirt that read 'I love my Grandpa' and Marissa would be hit with another reminder of the fact that Ryan had never told her anything about his Father. Every time one of these moments would strike her, filling her with doubt, worry, and suspicion, she would push it aside, ignore it, fight the urge to investigate. It was Ryan after all, her Ryan, the man she had fallen for so quickly and effortlessly, feelings that would not change no matter what his family history consisted of. At this point, it was impossible for her not to love him, but that didn't mean she wasn't curious.

Sighing, she kissed Loren again before shaking off her thoughts and returning to the suitcases which were spread across the bed she shared with Ryan, the bed she knew they would make love in countless times, the bed they would conceive their future children in, the bed they would share their most intimate moments in, and went over the mental checklist she had made to make sure everything was packed. Each adult, each child, had their own suitcase, just to make it easier to pack and locate things later, and their formal wear, her wedding dress, Ryan's suit, and the kids' dress clothes for the wedding, were all in a garment bag hanging up on their bedroom door. There were three good outfits for each day they would be in New York City, play clothes, three pairs of pajamas, and plenty of other clothing necessities for each person, extra clothes included for the three kids. Loren's bag was filled to the capacity with diapers, wipes, powder, bottle supplies, toys, blankets, and every other baby necessity they could possibly need, and she had both Ryan's and her own toiletries bag packed. She even had a little surprise hidden away for Ryan for their wedding night. It might be unconventional to take your kids with you on your honeymoon, but, at this point, they had not done anything normally, and it worked for them. However, that did not mean she and Ryan were going to forfeit the perfect first night they would spend together officially as husband and wife.

Determining that everything was packed, she zipped all the suitcases, picking up the first one and carrying it in her left hand as she held Loren with her right and made her way down the stairs to start the mundane and repetitive task of piling their luggage by the front door for Ryan to load in her SUV when he and the boys returned. "Why did Mommy volunteer to do this, Loren," she asked her smiling baby girl, only receiving a puzzled expression for a response.

It worked though, making Marissa giggle and affectionately embrace her daughter, the moment they shared enough to make her forget her worries and concerns and just focus on the present. She was getting married….to the man she loved, the man who was the perfect Dad, the man who made her go weak in the knees whenever he did something as simple as smile at her, and that was all that mattered. Nothing was going to ruin this trip, this celebration, this declaration of her love for Ryan.

Carrying the luggage downstairs took Marissa fifteen minutes, and although she could have put Loren down to make the task easier, the idea had never even entered her mind. She relished every second she got to spend with her daughter, her baby girl who was growing so quickly. Marissa could see subtle changes in her daily, and the thought of Loren not wanting to be held, of going off on her own crawling and eventually walking, exploring the world, though inevitable, saddened Marissa and made her savor every moment she got to hold her youngest child. True, she and Ryan had decided a long time ago, even when she was still pregnant with Loren, that there would be more children, but the birth of a new child could not replace the one who was maturing before her very eyes.

As they deposited the last bag beside the front door, an exhausted Marissa collapsed onto the couch to play with her daughter while she waited for her fiancé and sons to return home. "Are you excited to see snow, Loren," Marissa asked her daughter, tickling her in the process to get the little girl to giggle. It was unconventional to go to New York City in the winter, leaving the warm weather for the cool winds and crisp storms of a seasonal climate, especially for what would be their honeymoon, but despite their initial ideas to get married on a beach, perhaps in Hawaii or the Bahamas, Marissa and Ryan had eventually settled on New York City, for two main reasons. For one, the flight would be much shorter, and the idea of traveling across the Pacific Ocean with an eleven year old, a nine year old, and a six month old baby was something that neither of them wanted to do. Plus, the boys had never seen snow before, and this trip was not only about them; it was for their whole family. Ryan and Marissa could be happy anywhere as long as they had each other and their kids, but they wanted both Garrett and Cooper to enjoy the vacation as well.

Hearing her car pull in the driveway, Marissa stood up with Loren in her arms and looked around the living room one last time, the remnants of the holiday season still on display. Their tree still stood proudly in the corner of the living room, decorations still displayed, though the bottom half was slightly less festive as Q had taken off all the tinsel to play with it despite Marissa's best efforts to keep her paws off the golden strands, the various presents the boys were less enthused about, mainly clothes, were still spread out underneath the tree waiting to be put away, and their stockings still hung on the fireplace mantel though the gifts had long been removed from inside of them. Neither she nor Ryan had been ambitious enough to clean up the mess from the day before, so they had decided to leave the decorations out, the unwrapped presents displayed, the house a mess while they went on their trip; it would wait for when they returned.

"Hey beautiful," Ryan greeted her with a soft kiss as he walked through the door, the smile which had been on his face for weeks still radiating at her. If it were possible, he was even more excited about their wedding than she was. Not just because he was finally making Marissa his wife, but because now he would officially be Garrett and Cooper's step-dad. "And how was Daddy's little girl," he asked Loren, pinching her smooth, pink, chubby cheeks playfully. "Were you good for your Mommy?"

"Perfect as always," Marissa answered for her daughter, returning Ryan's affectionate embrace with one of her own as she kissed him on her way out the door. "I'm going to go and put her in her seat while you load the car. Where are the boys?"

Picking up a couple of suitcases, Ryan followed Marissa out the front door while he answered her. "They're out in the back playing with Q for the last few minutes before we leave." As Marissa strapped Loren into her car-seat, rolling her eyes at her sons' excessive behavior towards the family dog, Ryan continued. "We stopped and picked up a new bag of food and some treats for the neighbor to give Q while we're gone, so she should have plenty of supplies and swung by their house to give them last minute instructions as to what they'll have to do, giving them the key to get in."

"Ryan," Marissa said in an amused tone, "they have a dog of their own. I'm sure they'll be able to handle Q. As long as she has food, she'll be happy. It's not as if they'll have to walk her or anything. She's so lazy, we can barely get her to go anywhere, let alone strangers. Besides, we're only going to be gone for three days," she added thoughtfully. "I'd be surprised if Q even realized we were away."

Ryan merely laughed with her as he went back inside to make another trip out to the car with their suitcases. Five minutes later, the SUV was completely loaded, Garrett and Cooper had said their final goodbye to Q, and they were backing out of the driveway, the three kids securely seated in the backseats and Ryan and Marissa up front, hands joined together in a simple, sweet embrace, as they shared excited, knowing glances with each other, anticipating what the next day would bring them.

Standing outside the doors to the sanctuary of St. Paul's Cathedral, Marissa could hardly contain her excitement and need to forget propriety and run down the aisle to her family, to Ryan, her anticipation knowing no limits. She couldn't wait to become Mrs. Ryan Atwood. Her body was slightly shaking she was so thrilled. Although neither she nor Ryan were catholic, they had arranged to be married in the very famous church in Manhattan because she had always found it beautiful. Plus, she had always loved the scene in _Miracle on 34th Street_ where the couple got married in that church on Christmas Eve. True, it was not Christmas Eve, but she and Ryan were making a family together just as that couple was, and she found the similarities between the two ceremonies, one fictional the other as real as a wedding could get, to be magical, like a fairytale come true.

Taking one last look at her gown, a simple, v-neck crepe back satin sheath dress with organdy, lace, and a veiled tulle godet-train, and making sure that her hair was still upswept neatly before the soft strains of the bridal march began to play, she pushed open the heavy antique doors to walk the long length of the magnificent church to join her family, her joyous face shining with natural beauty and love. The picture she made was breathtaking.

Smiling first at her three children and then locking eyes with Ryan, Marissa knew that this moment could not be any more perfect than it was. This is what they had been building towards since the very first meeting they had eighteen months earlier in the backyard of her former house, both laden down with groceries, their connection and attraction to each other evident even then. The boys were in dress pants and oxford shirts, tie-less because Marissa knew they would drive them crazy and they would fidget the whole ceremony, pulling on the silk accessories if she made them wear them. Loren was in an adorable little dress, a deep, sapphire blue velvet dress fit for a princess with little matching bloomers underneath. Perhaps sensing the important nature of the day, she had even let Marissa put a bow in her hair. Ryan, dressed in a suit, his tie matching Loren's dress, stood at the front of the church with his little girl in his arms, completing the dream vision Marissa had imagined for her wedding day. As she joined them, kissing all three of her children softly, Ryan handed Loren to Garrett, and the children sat down in the pew in the front of the church to watch their parents get married, while Marissa joined her hands with Ryan's, their eyes locking, blue on blue, matching smiles gracing both of their faces.

They had elected to use a simple, non-religious ceremony, for the vows were more a symbol of their union than sacred spiritual prayers in their opinion, the final step in joining them together as man and wife. Technically, they were already married, for they had gone to the courthouse the week before and signed their marriage license with witnesses, but they needed this service for their memories and to show their children how special their love truly was. Besides, Marissa had already had the large, expensive, over-the-top wedding with Gerry, and that had turned out to be a disaster, and Ryan had never been one for show. This intimate observance of their commitment was the ideal wedding for the both of them.

Surprising her, Ryan signaled for Cooper to join him on the alter, and as she watched the little boy hand him two rings, she gasped in shock, eliciting soft giggles from her sons as they knew she had not been expecting such lavish wedding bands. Although she and Ryan had picked out two simple, white gold bands for each other, he had exchanged hers and purchased two diamond bands to match her engagement ring and as he slipped them on her ring finger, one before her engagement ring and one after, he kissed her hand delicately, his eyes sparkling with merriment and mischief, making her impatient for the moment when she could kiss her husband. Rushing, she put his ring on his finger and anxiously fidgeted while the minister finally declared them man and wife. Before Ryan could even move, she had leaned in to kiss him, their embrace passionate and loving, confident and lasting. It was another of their perfect moments.

Because the day was not just about Ryan and Marissa, they had planned numerous activities for their whole family, so once the ceremony was over, they took a cab back to their hotel, changed, and went out into the city for the afternoon. It had been years since Marissa had been there, and it was the first time for the rest of the family to explore the city that never sleeps, so she wanted to show them her favorite sights. But first, per Garrett and Cooper's request, they had to go to Rockefeller Square not only to gaze at the large Christmas tree but to skate.

Ryan and Marissa took turns on the ice with the boys. While the other would skate, they would care for Loren. Although they could have worn a baby carrier and went onto the ice with her, the thought of skating with their six month old daughter scared them both, so that idea was quickly disregarded. Surprising her, Ryan was a natural at ice skating despite claiming to never even having seen an ice skating rink before, pronouncing that it must be his natural athletic ability shining through, making the boys snicker and Marissa roll her eyes, disclaiming his assertion as pure beginners luck. As the boys skated on, ignoring their parents, Ryan and Marissa, the typical newlyweds had kissed and laughed together, their daughter squirming in her arms, in a secluded corner of the rink; those skating by them tolerating their displays of affection with amused smiles or sighs of jealous longing. To anyone who would glance at the young, exultant, glowing couple, it was evident just how in love they were.

Time was merely a passing thought for Ryan and Marissa as the morning hours slipped by, but to Garrett and Cooper, growing boys, and Loren, an impatient infant, lapsing time meant hungry bellies, so they retired back to their hotel room, brought their lunch with them, and re-energized for the rest of the afternoon. It was an unconventional wedding dinner, each person choosing a portion of the meal, but they enjoyed it. Ryan had wanted hotdogs, loaded with all the sides, from one of the numerous street vendors, so on their way back to the hotel, they had purchased four and kept them wrapped and warm until they got to their room. Marissa had wanted New York style cheesecake, something that can only be truly experienced when in the city, but they had picked up two of those, one for their lunch and one for her and Ryan later to partake in the traditional cutting of the wedding cake. While Garrett had requested hot pretzels with cheese sauce to dip them in, Cooper, ever the original, had asked for bloomin' onions, leading them on a search around the city for his particular demand all because he had seen one on television recently and wanted to try it. Luckily, not only had he liked it, but they all had.

While they ate, Marissa had put Loren down for a short nap. Though she slept longer than their lunch lasted, the boys and Ryan had lounged around on the bed stuffed full of food and relaxed watching reruns of classic holiday movies while they waited for Loren to wake. Once she did, Marissa fed and changed her, and Garrett, Cooper, and Ryan all put on their play clothes, readying themselves for Central Park and the epic snowball fight they had planned. The family of five, dressed and eager to play, left their hotel for more adventures in the winter wonderland of 'The Big Apple.'

Before they could have their battle of wills with snowballs, they had to build their forts, Ryan on his own to fight against the two boys who were determined to crush him and be declared victor by their Mom, for she and Loren were the judges, there to not only proclaim the winner but to watch for illegal maneuvers and flagrant violations of the rules. While they worked on, Marissa played with Loren in the snow, sitting the little girl down in the powdery, white blankets on the ground of the park and letting her feel it for herself, with more than one tiny fist full making it to her mouth.

Somewhere in the middle of the mêlée, all three boys had decided that no clear cut winner was in sight, and, silently, they all agreed to team up against Marissa, belting her with three snowballs simultaneously. She had yelled and complained, stomped her foot and pouted in mock annoyance, but before she could even attempt to go after them for retribution, Garrett had plucked Loren out of her arms, holding her safely, while he watched Ryan pick Marissa up and carry her over his shoulder to the large snow pile the three of them had made, dropping her into it amongst her peels of laughter and shrieks of giggles. Cooper watched on, smirking the entire time, but turned away and rolled his eyes when his parents, once again, made the most of the playful opportunity and joined together as one in a deliciously decedent, newlywed kiss, only separating when they heard Loren fussing in the background wanting her Mom again.

The boys played on together after Marissa took over the duties, once again, of holding Loren, sitting on a bench and rocking her back and forth in her arms, her body heat helping to keep the little girl warm, as she snuggled contentedly into her Mom's arms, the layers and layers of clothes she had on making her warm and comfortable. While her daughter slept, Marissa watched Ryan, Garrett, and Cooper build a snowman, make snow angels, and go sled riding. Observing them, she could tell just how much they loved the snow, and she knew they would be making numerous trips to the mountains in winters to come so the kids could play in the snow, perhaps even learning how to ski and snowboard.

A couple of hours later, physically exhausted, cold, wet, and ready for a break, the family of five retired to their hotel once again where they all showered, changed back into their clothes from earlier in the day, and sat down to a much more formal meal in their hotel room. Because Loren was still nursing, Marissa did not particularly want to go out to eat, so they ate in their room, ordering up a hearty, warm dinner to refresh and rejuvenate the tired family. After putting Loren down for another nap, Marissa was surprised to enter her and Ryan's part of their suite and find the three boys sleeping together on their bed, dead to the world, their afternoon activities fatiguing them. Laughing to herself, she shut the door that separated the two rooms quietly and curled up in the boys' bed and took a small nap herself.

As nightfall was descending upon the bustling city, Ryan was the first to awake, sitting up in the dim room and searching for Marissa….his wife. Getting out of bed and not making a noise so as to leave the two boys asleep, he crept out of the room and into the adjoining bedroom to find his wife still resting, curled into a little ball on the double bed and his daughter sleeping peacefully in her crib. Crawling in beside Marissa, he took her in his arms, caressing her hair away from her face and placing gentle kisses along her jaw line, causing her to wake with her gorgeous face beaming delightfully.

"Good evening, Mrs. Atwood," Ryan's deep, passionate, lust filled voice rang out in the silent room making Marissa quiver with desire.

Kissing him, she returned his greeting, "Good evening, Mr. Atwood." Giggling in ecstasy, her mirth bringing a smile to his Ryan's face as well, she continued. "You better quit trying to seduce me though. We're going to have three well rested kids to entertain in a few minutes, so you shouldn't start something you'll never be able to finish."

"I'm never going to quit trying to seduce you," he whispered in her ear roguishly, his lips gliding across the silky skin of her neck and drawing her arms around him. For several minutes, they just remained in each others arms, their mouths joined together, their tongues dancing the lovers' waltz, savoring the time they got to spend with their spouse, but they were quickly interrupted by the soft, gentle sounds of Loren's cries from her crib and the boys' movements in the room next door. Climbing out of the bed, Ryan picked Loren up and, with her in his arms, got Garrett and Cooper from the adjoining room. The five of them settled back into the bed with Marissa to discuss their evening, deciding that she would get to choose what they would do that night. Twenty minutes later, bundled up once again, the family left the warm, comforting confines of their suite and rejoined the hustle and bustle of the downtown Manhattan streets, making their way slowly, by foot, to the Empire State building.

The air was frigid, the wind howling with a wicked ferocity only capable at a place by the sea, but the sight of New York City at night, the lights twinkling in every window, illuminating the delicate snowflakes fluttering down from the skies above, was well worth the inconvenience of cold fingers, rosy, wind burnt cheeks, and running noses. Huddled together to combat the elements, the newly created Atwood family stood on the observation deck of the famous skyscraper glancing out at the magical view in front of them, mesmerized by the sights, their cares and concerns vanishing before their eyes, utterly speechless. Although they could not stay there long, the weather too harsh, the time they did spend there were moments only Loren would not remember for the rest of her life.

Leaving the landmark, they wandered around the city, window shopping and gazing at the scenic and perfectly arranged displays, oohing and awwing over various things they all wanted but could not afford. Hot chocolate in hands to keep them warm, the little family took in the sights and sounds of the lively Manhattan shopping district, arm in arm. Too absorbed in the wonders before them and each other, they never noticed the numerous people who would occasionally stop and just watch them silently for several minutes, smiling at the happy family, letting the picture they made bring back memories of days gone by, create a sense of want and longing, or even elicit pangs of regret and sadness. Those passing would eventually move on though, leaving the idyllic family behind as they continued on their way, oblivious to those around them, merely enjoying their evening to the best of their ability, the city backdrop, the drifting snow flakes, the peels of church bells, taxi horns, laughter, and conversation creating the perfect ambiance for a stroll through the wonders of avenues and broadways crisscrossing back and forth, up and down, left and right in a dizzying pattern of adventure.

The stores had long since closed for the evening, the lights dimmed throughout the city to aid those trying to sleep away the day's exhaustion, and the traffic had dwindled to a manageable cluster of yellow, bustling cars carrying passengers home once again to their awaiting families as Ryan emerged from the children's bedroom. Bathed, tucked in, and read to, the three joys of their lives, their eyes sparkling with the awe and delight only New York City could inspire, had finally fallen asleep, one by one, smiles still on their tired, cherubic, little faces. Sighing joyfully, Ryan entered the room he shared with his wife eager to finally celebrate their union as only a married couple could, by making love, talking softly to her the entire time.

"Sorry it took me so long, honey," he explained, a slight chuckle pervading his voice, "but Cooper insisted that we not only call home and speak with the neighbors to check on Q but that we also call our house and leave a message for her to listen to, claiming that she would sprint to the phone as soon as she heard his voice. One message turned into four as both boys wanted to talk to Q, and two stories later, I finally escaped." Kicking off his shoes and removing his watch, placing it on the dresser top, he turned around eager to lay eyes on Marissa, but she was nowhere in sight. "Marissa, baby, what are you doing?" Curious as to what was taking her so long, for she had said she would change while he tucked the kids in for bed, he wandered to the bathroom door only to stop when he heard her adorable voice ring out softly, his ears not missing the seductive, tantalizing quality to her tone.

"Why don't you get comfortable; I'll be out in just a minute, promise," she taunted him through the closed door. "I thought you deserved a special treat. Not only is this our wedding night, but you were patient all day long for this moment."

She did not have to ask twice. Shredding his clothes in record time, casting them across the room and not caring where they landed, Ryan was reclined in bed, under the covers to keep his naked body warm, waiting for her within seconds. Glancing around the room, he noticed that she had planned everything for their night together. The second cheesecake was out on the table ready to be cut and chilled cider lay resting in a silver ice bucket. With the soft glow of candlelight, the room was barely lit, just enough illumination for the lovers to see each other, the soft shadows cast by the pillars and votives creating the perfect ambiance for the room.

He had to turn to look at Marissa when she emerged from the bathroom, shrouded in light. Her lingerie was sheer, billowy, a creamy concoction only dreams are made of, her hair in soft, floating waves around her flawless shoulders, but the most beautiful thing about her appearance was the expression on her face, a smile so large and full of love for her husband, Ryan could feel his heart skip a beat as he looked upon her. Within moments, she was across the room and in his arms; the cake, the sparkling cider, the candles all forgotten. The only thing either Ryan or Marissa could focus on was each other, the emotions flowing between their joined bodies and sense of love they shared with their partner as their gentle touches, adoring embraces, and ardent caresses carried them away long into the night as they finally celebrated their marriage, the lingering doubts Marissa had been worrying over temporarily forgotten.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

It was 12:00, and though Ryan Atwood wanted to be far away from this house, this gated community, the city as soon as he could, he also could not deny the fact that he was hungry and on his way to freezing to death. Winters in Northern California were completely different than the winters he had known in Long Beach, but despite the wind, rain, fog, and chill in the air, he preferred the frigid conditions outside over the warm ones in the house he was working on. Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, he shuffled along the backyard, his hair dripping wet, his body chilled to the bone, goosebumps covering even the unexposed parts of his body, his teeth chattering noisily in his closed mouth.

The work that day was not overly exerting, just time consuming, messy, tedious, and too loud for Ryan. He was wallpapering that day, something he normally avoided, but his boss had offered time and half if he did the job, not willing to trust the detailed, expensive, special designed wall décor in the hands of any of his laborers. Being a husband and father of three, there was no way he could turn an offer like that down. However, he hoped that Marissa never asked him to wallpaper their house, because he would be forced, for the first time, to deny her something, especially if it had stripes or polka dots. Stripes and polka dots, at this point in the day, were the bane of his existence. However, he could have dealt with these issues, smiled through them even, but it was impossible for him to accept that he had to work with someone else. Ryan Atwood was training a rookie.

It was only Monday, and already he could tell it was going to take forever for Friday afternoon to roll around. For the next several weeks, he was the mentor and teacher for a young punk right out of high school. The kid had no ambition and really did not want to work in construction, but his dad was friends with Ryan's boss, and, because the kid refused to go to college, he had given him a job. Lucky Ryan, because he was the best at what he did, was the chosen instructor. _Sometimes it really does such to be good at your job_, Ryan thought to himself. Today had been their first day working together, and, before the kid even opened his mouth, Ryan knew it was going to be a strained relationship. He had shown up late, driving in with the obscene rap music in his sports car blaring, talking on his cell phone the entire time. Refusing to work until his call was finished, he had merely lounged around in the home's living room, talking, eventually joining Ryan only to not listen to what he told him and mock everything he said. The worst offense, though, was that the kid would not shut up.

He talked incessantly, bragging, complaining, or just wasting his breath to hear the sound of his own voice. As soon as he was off the phone, he started asking Ryan questions about himself, prying for information. Always curt and brief with people he did not know or like, Ryan had merely answered that he was married, had two sons, and a daughter, but as soon as his brass apprentice, Drew, who, although his name was Andrew would not tolerate anyone calling him anything but his nickname, heard the mention of a woman, he was off on a tangent, not only annoying Ryan but also angering him. Whistling loudly, he not only shared too many details about his own sex life but attempted to pry into Ryan's. 'What's she look like,' 'how much sex do you get,' 'does she have a sister,' were all questions he posed to Ryan. Finally, loosing his temper, Ryan had glared at him, caustically warned him to let it go and never speak about his wife again, and went back to work, his outburst only managing to curb Drew's babbling for a few minutes. Although he hadn't brought Marissa up again, he still would not shut up. It didn't help matters for the younger man either that things at home, things between Ryan and Marissa had been stressed since Friday afternoon, and Ryan was utterly puzzled as to why.

Just like most couples, they had their occasional squabbles, bickering here and there mainly over minor, stupid issues such as his leaving the cap off of the toothpaste so that she could accidentally put her clean clothes down on it when she went to take a shower or her inability to say no when it came to helping someone, always stretching herself too far and becoming exhausted, but they handled their disagreements quickly, always before they went to bed. Marissa did not like going to sleep when things were not good between them, and she knew exactly how to distract him from his irritation, completely eradicating any animosity he might feel for her. All she had to do was look at him a certain way, run her delicate fingers up and down the side of his torso, or softly brush her petal smooth lips against the back of his neck, and he was putty in her hands. It was a two way street though; it was easy for him to turn one her bad moods into a pleasant evening for the both of them, too. He would offer to pick up dinner on his way home so she wouldn't have to cook, give her tired, sore feet a massage after the kids went to bed, or let his hands slide down her body as he wrapped his arms around her from behind in a tight, close embrace. Well, these tactics worked most of the time.

It had all started Friday morning. They had both been at work, the boys had been in school, and Loren, as always when Marissa was at work, was in the hospital day care. Marissa had gotten an urgent page saying that Loren was sick. Immediately, as all mothers do, she became worried, her mind instantly assuming the worst possible scenarios. She had called Ryan to meet her at the hospital, her warnings of their daughter's dire health sparking him into immediate action. He had literally dropped what he was working on, ran to his truck, and drove 100 mph to the hospital. Half way there though, Marissa called him back, their conversation brief and curt as her frustration with the child care providers ruined her good mood. The staff in the day care had made Loren's illness seem much worse than it really was. She merely had a cold, and they were worried about her making the other children sick.

Because of this, Marissa had to switch shifts with someone, taking Loren home and watching her until Ryan got home. Then she cooked dinner, spent some time with the boys, and went back to work the third shift that night. Not only did she have to stay with the kids the next day without any sleep because Ryan had a job that Saturday, but she had to go in, again, and work another shift Saturday night. By the time Sunday rolled around, she was exhausted. He had been able to watch the kids so she could sleep in the morning, but it was back to the hospital for her Sunday afternoon shift.

On top of getting little sleep, Loren had been tired and cranky all weekend long, demanding their attention constantly. Thankfully, her medication had started to kick in so she could return to the hospital that morning with Marissa who was back on her normal shift schedule. Loren had spent every night in their room that weekend, and because the boys saw that, they thought they should be able to sleep in there as well, so even when he and Marissa got Loren down for a few hours, the boys would shift and turn the whole night interrupting their sleep. At least they hadn't interrupted anything but sleep, because there was no way anything romantic was going to happen between Ryan and Marissa. She had never been as cool to him as she had been the past weekend in their entire relationship. She would barely look at him, let alone meet his eye, but he suspected that it was more than anger that had made her turn away from him. Something else was wrong, something that was triggered when Loren got sick, but he couldn't figure it out.

Before he knew it, his lunch break was over, work was beckoning, Drew was looking for him, and he still hadn't eaten a bite of his lunch. Suddenly realizing he had no appetite, he merely put it away, his worry over his relationship with his wife ruining the idea of lunch for him. The worst part was he still had no idea how to fix whatever he had unintentionally broken. Walking into the warm house again, his worries still weighing his mind and heart down, he left the cold with at least one idea that would improve his afternoon.

"Hey Drew," he called out, unsure of where the kid had retired to in the house to eat the gourmet lunch he had ordered in, "I had an idea." When he heard him call out, showing that he was listening, Ryan continued. "So, I was thinking that you could bring in some of your CD's and we could listen to those while we work….REALLY LOUD. Maybe you can instill an appreciation for rap music in me despite my initial protests."

Excited about the idea, Drew immediately ran to his car, not even bothering to complain about the weather first, sans umbrella. _At least I won't have to listen to him talk this way,_ Ryan commented to himself. Terrible music he could block out; the incessant drone of an idiot, he couldn't. Two minutes later, Drew returned, loaded down with several CD cases, and before Ryan knew it he was knee deep in wallpaper and adhesive again, working side by side with a completely silent Drew who just bobbed his head to the beat of the music, leaving Ryan to his thoughts, thoughts that were on one thing and one thing only: his wife.

"Marissa, boys….Loren,….where are you guys," Ryan called out as he walked through the front door early Monday evening. He was tired, slightly grumpy, and in a bad need to forget the rest of the world by spending as much time as possible with his wife and kids. "I'm home," he continued, still with no answer. After taking off his shoes and hanging up his wet coat to dry, he made his way through the house listening for their voices until he heard them upstairs in Loren's room. With a smile on his face, he crept slowly up the risers, wanting to catch them unsuspecting so he could hang back, watch them silently, and just observe them, relish being near them and seeing them interact with each other.

Peering around the frame of the open door, his wish was granted. Marissa was sitting in the rocker, folding laundry while Garrett laid on his stomach working on his homework. Cooper was supposed to be doing the same, but, always easily distracted, he was sitting up, crossed legged, playing with a gurgling Loren who was laying on her back looking up at her big brother and watching his every teasing movement as he toyed a rattle in front of her face, letting it get close enough for her little, chubby hands to grasp briefly before pulling it back. Every time he would pull the toy away, she would gurgle even more. His perfect moment was interrupted though when Marissa looked up and saw him standing there.

Startled, she exclaimed, "Ryan, what are you doing just standing there?" He didn't answer, just merely looked up at her, his eyes catching hers in a powerful glance as he tried to show her with just one look how sorry he was and how much he missed their closeness. Unfortunately, she turned away from him almost immediately. Dismissively, she spoke again. "Just put the groceries I asked you to pick up on the table, please, and I'll put them away. Thanks."

_Oh shit,_" Ryan groaned to himself, _the groceries! This is a great way to get back on your wife's good side, forgetting to pick up the few things from the store that she reminded you to get about ten times this morning._

When he didn't say anything or move, Marissa looked up. What she found was a conflicted, apologetic face. "Let me guess," she bit out sarcastically, her tone betraying just how annoyed she was, "you forgot?"

"Well….um…..yeah," he answered timidly, his eyes straying across the room as they were unable to look at her. "I'm so sorry, Marissa, but it wasn't on purpose. I had every intention of going to the store for you, but then today was just a day from hell…."

"Language, please," she interrupted him, motioning to the boys who were watching the beginnings of a disagreement with trepidation on their faces, Loren's gurgling stopping immediately as if she could sense the shift of moods in the room. Ryan and Marissa had always been careful never to show any sign of discord in front of the children, knowing they were sensitive to it because of everything that had happened with Gerry, so the sudden hostility in their voices startled the two boys, making them nervous.

"Sorry," Ryan apologized for his swearing, "it's just it's been one of those days. What, between the weather and having to train this young kid who not only is disrespectful but rude, ignorant, and spoiled, and he would not stop talking, and you know how I can't handle that, especially when I'm trying to work."

"And you think my day was a walk in the park," Marissa countered, her anger flashing in her eyes as she stood up and moved out of the room. "Boys, keep an eye on Loren; I'll be right back. I need to go switch the laundry."

"I know your day wasn't easy," Ryan agreed with her, following her down the stairs. Neither of them noticed Garrett picking up Loren and motioning for Cooper to follow him as they chased after their parents so they could listen to their fight. "You haven't had a day to relax in quite a while, so that was why I had planned to come home tonight and pamper you. Fix dinner, make you take a long, quiet bubble bath, put the kids to bed, let you eat your favorite ice cream in bed and not even ask for a single bite, a night that was all about you, but then I had to go and ruin that by forgetting the groceries."

Sighing, Marissa turned around to face him. "Well, I couldn't have done that anyway. There's too much to do. I need to wash all the bedding, because Loren is feeling better and I don't want the germs from her cold still in the house. Plus, I was planning on starting my spring cleaning tomorrow, so I wanted to get a jump start on that."

"Marissa," Ryan contradicted, "I can wash the bedding. I do know how to run the washing machine, and, as for spring cleaning, it's February. Do you really think that's necessary?" As soon as he questioned her, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes flashed at him dangerously for a second before she turned her back on him and continued her way into the kitchen. "How about I just go back out and go to the store now, pick up those things you wanted. I can be back before your next load of laundry is done, and I'll take over and you can relax," he said in a soft, pleading tone as he followed her into the kitchen. "I mean, it's not that bad out there. I'll be fine."

Just as Marissa went to say something, Cooper interrupted her. "Don't go," he said in a small voice, the fear in it evident. Though he was not loud, he broke into the haze of conflict between Ryan and Marissa, making Ryan look at him confused and Marissa soften her face.

"What….I mean, why don't you want me to go," Ryan asked the younger boy, the bewilderment he was feeling clearly written across his brow. "I'll be right back, and, if it's okay with your Mom," he continued as he turned towards his wife, "you can go with me."

"Neither of you are going anywhere," Marissa corrected him. The change of her mood did not go unnoticed by Ryan. "It's only supposed to get worse out there. In fact, flash floods are called for. There's no way anyone I love is going out there into that mess tonight. End of discussion." Turning back to the cupboards, she spoke out thoughtfully. "We'll just have to figure out something else for dinner."

"How about I go upstairs and put all that laundry away that you folded," Ryan offered, taking Loren out of Garrett's arms and kissing his daughter before ruffling the boy's hair affectionately, smiling at him as he passed by and walked towards Marissa, "while you scrounge up something for all of us to eat. The boys can bring their homework down here and get it out of the way, and then, after we eat, we'll all do something together, you choice, honey."

Marissa still did not turn around to look at him, but he could tell that she was not as angry as she had been when he had gotten home. Her body wasn't as tense, and she shook her head quickly to agree with his idea. "That sounds nice," she answered him quietly.

"And maybe this way, Cooper can actually get some work done," Ryan teased, laughing at the guilty expression on the younger boy's face. "Okay, so we'll be back in a little while," he continued, surprising Marissa when he brushed his lips across her cheek before walking out of the room making funny faces at Loren as he moved towards the stairs.

"Wait," cried out Garrett suddenly, startling everyone. Ryan spun around instantly as did Marissa, and Cooper looked at him inquisitively, sitting down on a kitchen stool and placing his adorable, little face in his hands to watch the show enfold out in front of him. "I….um….need to talk to you about something," Garrett confessed.

"What about honey," Marissa asked concerned. "Is something wrong?"

Before replying, he shook his head profusely from side to side. "No, at least, I don't think so."

"Then tell us what it is, buddy," Ryan encouraged with a small smile on his face to comfort the nervous child in front of him.

"Well, you see," he began tentatively, looking anywhere in the room except for his parents' faces as he spoke rapidly, "our teacher told us today that the old baseball coach quit, so before we can start practicing we'll need a new one, and no one has volunteered for the job yet, so I told them that I thought my Dad might do it."

"Oh, honey," Marissa cried out softly with tears in her eyes, immediately going to her son's side and taking him in her arms, kissing the top of his head, "I'm so sorry, but I really don't think your father would be your coach even if he did live here. That's just….not Gerry."

"No, Mom," Garrett laughingly dismissed his mother's concerns, "not Gerry, Dad….Ryan. I thought Ryan would be our coach."

At the sound of the boy in front of him referring to him as Dad, Ryan could feel his throat start to constrict, an altogether foreign experience, but he cleared his throat quickly before moving towards Garrett in one swift motioning, pulling him into a tight embrace with his free arm. "I'd love to be your coach," he responded ecstatically. "Both of your coaches," he added, motioning for Cooper to come and join them, giving him a quick, tight hug as well before turning to Marissa.

She, unlike him, had been unable to hold back her emotions. He could see the tears brimming in her eyes, her lips trembling, her whole body starting to shudder, and he knew, just by looking at her, that her response was to something bigger than the fact that her oldest son had finally referred to him as his Dad, that whatever she was about to finally let go of had been what was bothering her for the past few days. Quickly, he handed Loren back to Garrett, taking Marissa protectively into his side, cradling her body to his.

"Can you watch your sister for a minute," he asked the two boys. Without even waiting for a response, he moved towards the stairs, looking over his shoulder to check on the kids one last time before he and Marissa disappeared. It was as if they hadn't even noticed their Mom's behavior for they were both too excited, rambling about how great it was going to be to have **their dad** as their baseball coach. As he made his way up the stairs, with his wife tucked securely into his proactive body, he felt her release her pent up emotions in a powerful sob, grasping hold of his body as tightly as she could. _Finally,_ he sighed to himself, relief flooding him immediately. _Finally, she's going to let me in._

"Now," Ryan teased Marissa faintly, kissing her brow tenderly before pulling her even closer to his body as they reclined in the chaise lounge in their bedroom, Marissa on his lap, "will you please tell me what has been bothering you. I know that I can't handle this wall between us any longer; it's driving me crazy, and I'm pretty sure you feel the same way."

"I do," Marissa admitted, a blush rising to her cheeks. "And I was doing a pretty good job of ignoring my stupid insecurities and neuroses, but then Loren got sick and I just cracked. I'm so sorry. I should have just talked to you months ago when this all started instead of letting it build into this giant, messy, mainly one sided quarrel."

"Wait," Ryan questioned, his surprise apparent in his voice. "What do you mean months ago?"

Taking a deep breath, Marissa turned around to sit crossed legged in his lap, meeting his gaze. Sliding her small, delicate hands into his larger, work worn ones, she kissed them softly before continuing. "Okay, you're probably going to get upset when I tell you this, but I won't be able to continue if you become mad at me. I'll probably just start crying and turn into a blubbering mess, and nothing will be accomplished. So, for me and so that we can go to bed tonight happy, like we're always supposed to, will you just let me say everything I have to say before you react?"

"I can't promise you anything," Ryan answered her truthfully, the fear of what she was about to tell him settling in his conflicted eyes. Normally, his entire body would tense up in stressful situations, but the mere presence of Marissa in his arms helped keep him somewhat calm. "But I'll do my best," he promised her when she went to protest. Picking their entwined hands up, he kissed hers just as she had done to him moments before, wanting to give her a sense of safety and comfort.

"My Mom came to visit me," Marissa began, her eyes never wavering from Ryan's, "back in September. She actually had the audacity to pick the locks and let herself in, scaring me half to death because I thought someone was robbing us."

Unable to help himself, Ryan asked, "why does your Mom know how to pick a lock?"

"I didn't ask," Marissa laughed with him, "and to be honest, I didn't really want to know. She's a little underhanded to say the least."

"You don't say," Ryan teased her, their light, playful banter calming Marissa even more. Touching his face tenderly before she continued, she knew they would be fine. "Anyway, we ended up getting in a fight, go figure," she shrugged her shoulders, a tiny, wry smile making its way onto the corners of her lips, making Ryan smile back at her. "And in the middle of the fight, she brought up the fact that I knew nothing about your family, about your past. At first, it didn't bother me, but the more I thought about, it started eating me alive. I know it doesn't change who you are now," she explained rapidly, wanting to reassure him, "but that still doesn't stop me from being curious. I mean, you know almost everything about me, from what my favorite toy was when I was a little girl to how old I was when I lost my virginity, but you've always been really guarded when it comes to your past." Taking a breath, she continued before Ryan could get a word in edgewise. "And that's okay, I mean, I don't have to know everything about your past; we're allowed to have a few secrets….I guess, but when Loren got sick, I realized that I don't know your medical history, your family's medical history, and what if there is some heredity disease that our children could have or could be carriers for. As a parent, I need to know these things, so, and I'm sorry for doing this to you, but you're going to have to tell me at least a little bit about your family." When he didn't say anything, just dropped her hands and looked down at his lap, she spoke up again. "Ryan, please, say something….anything. I didn't mean to hurt you; I'd never hurt you. I love you."

"I love you, too," he finally responded, his whisper so quiet it was hard to hear, "but I can't tell you about my family, because….I don't have one." Looking back up at her, he noticed the utter confusion taking over her countenance and knew he would have to explain himself even more. "When I was born, my Mom abandoned me on the steps of a church. I don't know anything about her. When I was older, my social worker gave me the option to look at the file they had on me, which had my birth record in it, but I didn't want to. If she didn't care enough about me to even make sure I lived through the night, then I didn't care enough to find out who she was."

Pushing back the tears that were already threatening to fall, Marissa moved closer to Ryan, needing to feel him near her and hoping her closeness would offer him a sense of protection and love. "So, were you adopted?"

"Nope. I had several different sets of foster parents, but I never stayed someplace longer than six months. I mainly grew up in a group home, bidding my time until the state would let me go off on my own. As soon as they did, I got a job, worked my way up, taught myself, got better, and, at the point where I met you, I had only let Q in; that's all." Noticing that Marissa was barely holding it together emotionally, he laughed, cupping her face tenderly before leaning his forehead on hers, sighing, and taking a deep breath. "That's why I never wanted to tell you this before. I knew it would upset you."

"You're damn right it upsets me! To think of someone treating you like that….you who has the biggest heart I've ever seen in my life…."

"I think you win that award," Ryan interrupted her making her roll her eyes. "But I don't want to spend the night like this, me upset that you're upset. It doesn't matter any more. I'm happy. So what if I don't have a family."

"That's not true," Marissa argued with him emphatically. "You do have a family, our family. You, me, Garrett, Cooper, Loren, we are a family….your family." Finally, she felt him relax in her arms, wrapping his around her. Taking his lips in a passionate embrace, they just sat there, savoring the nearness of the other for a few minutes, their kisses gentle, loving, full of commitment and promises. As they relished the feeling of finally being near each other, both physically and emotionally again, two shrill, impatient voices rang throughout the house startling them away from each other and eliciting matching chuckles from them both.

"Mom," Garrett cried out exasperated, "We're hungry! When are you going to make dinner?"

"Dad," Cooper complained, "Loren spit up all over my shirt and it's really gross! I need your help!"

"Hear that," Marissa asked as she turned back to her husband, "your family needs you."

"Our family," Ryan corrected her, making her giggle out of surprise when he stood up rapidly, picking her up in the process, and running out of the room with her still merrily laughing in his arms as they made their way, together, as one, down to **their family**.

"What did I tell you," Ryan playfully chastised the woman standing behind him. She hadn't said anything let alone made a noise yet, but the fact that his body was all of a sudden covered in goosebumps made him realize his wife had entered the room. "You're supposed to be relaxing while I finish the laundry."

"I know," Marissa cooed out seductive. Ryan knew that tone; it meant only good things. "And that's exactly what I plan on doing…..with you, here, now, and, later, upstairs."

Turning around he questioned, "What about the….." before his mind stopped working altogether. Marissa was standing there with a silk robe on, a robe he knew hid nothing but her supple, graceful body. Just by looking at how the smooth material hugged her perfect curves, outlining her firm breasts and teasingly cascading off of the hips that seemed to fit perfectly with his, it was obvious she was nude underneath the flimsy cover up, and the thought of her like that completely made it impossible for him to think about anything other than being with her.

"The kids," Marissa laughingly asked him, knowing exactly what he had been inquiring about and what she was doing to him, "they're fine, sound asleep and dead to the world. And you know," she added, slowly moving across the laundry room, her movements making the sash on her robe slip slightly, revealing a sliver her bare chest to his greedy, hungry eyes, "it has been a few days. I've missed my husband."

"Yeah…..um….me, too," Ryan agreed profusely, swallowing thickly and making Marissa smirk at him.

As soon as she was close enough for him to reach, he pulled her into his arms, one slipping around her waist and holding her close to him, dipping low enough to lightly brush against her round, firm derrière, the other gliding inside her robe to cup her aroused breast in his hand, and joined their mouths together, immediately slipping his tongue into her mouth in a fiery, erotic embrace. He could feel that her need to be with him matched his own, so without wasting further time, he picked her up carefully and set her down on the top of the washer.

"Here," Marissa asked him incredulously, "on the washing machine? Ryan's that a little cliché, don't you think?"

"So," he argued, wiggling his eyebrows at her, "it's new. It's probably one of the only places in this house we haven't, and, besides, it'll be adventurous."

"If we break it …," she started to argue only to stop talking as soon as his hands leisurely pulled the tie of her robe to let it fall to the side revealing her entire body to his admiring gaze. Wrapping his hands around her bare waist, he pulled her to the edge of the machine before letting his hands fall between her legs. Gently, he pushed them apart, moving in so that she could wrap them around his body, before suddenly, with no warning, he slipped his left hand around her neck, drawing her mouth to his own and taking it over and over again in a voracious, insistent kiss, and his right hand between her legs, letting two of his fingers tease and taunt her before entering her warm, wanting body, her hips reacting to his touch immediately.

Lost in her taste, her touch, her scent, it took Ryan a few moments to realize that she was quickly shedding him of his clothes, pushing down his pajama pants and ripping his wife beater off of him so that their lips would not have to part. Letting go of her neck, he used his free hand to finish taking off the robe that was getting in their way before taking her right breast in his hand, massaging and kneading it hungrily while his lips slid down her body until he was able to take her left breast in his mouth, sucking and nipping at her hard, aroused nipple. He continued toying with her enchanting body as if it were his playground, assaulting her senses and encouraging her desire to mind blowing proportions, until he felt her reach down and grasp him roughly in her hands. Knowing that she was close to orgasm, he finally entered her, filled her, satisfied her just as she had wanted him to, moaning out in pleasure as he felt her warmth surround him completely. Their bodies moved together, rising and falling in unison with each other and the washer, for what seemed like an eternity; their tongues joined as one, savoring the other and muffling their cries of pleasure, danced for what seemed like only a second, before Ryan found Marissa slumped against his chest, sweaty, out of breath, and entirely satiated.

After a few moments of just playing with the others body, kissing sweetly, touching erotically, she was finally able to control her breathing enough to talk. "That was…..um…..," Marissa began only to pause to regain her breath by gulping the air greedily before continuing. "Suddenly I am such a fan of the cliché! We should do this every time its laundry night."

"You'll have no arguments from me, Mrs. Atwood," Ryan teased as he lifted her off of the washer and made his way out of the room towards the stairs, the laundry, the dishes, the numerous other chores they were supposed to do completely forgotten. Cradling her in his arms, he made his way to their bedroom, lightly taking her swollen lips over and over again in tender kisses. That night was just about them; the rest of the world disappeared to allow the two lovers a frozen moment in time where nothing and no one could touch them. Together, then, there, and forever, they were perfect.

Ryan was in bed, in the most comfortable position he could ever imagine, his naked wife sleeping on top of him, her body molded to his, her arms holding him to her tightly, her sweet, innocent breath tickling his chest, but still he could not sleep. Turning he looked at the clock and saw that it was almost four in the morning. There was no way he could go to work tomorrow, so he was going to have to do something he never did: call off. _It will be nice though_, he thought to himself. _After the boys get on the bus, we can lounge in bed together all day, only occasionally getting up to take care of Loren. A whole morning and afternoon in bed with my wife…_. His thoughts were interrupted as he felt her stir in her sleep.

Rubbing her eyes tiredly, she looked up at him. "Baby, what are you doing awake?"

"It's nothing," he reassured her, sitting up enough to kiss her neck before settling back down into bed. "Go back to sleep. I'm just thinking."

"Oh, okay," she agreed in her heavy-eyed confusion, sighing out of contentment and burying her face back into his chest, kissing it softly. "Love you," she breathed out before she fell back to sleep.

"I love you, too," Ryan returned even though she couldn't hear him.

Going back to his thoughts, he went over the day, every little thing that had happened. For some reason he felt a sense of déjà vu. He could have sworn he had had similar feelings towards a week before in his life, dreading it entirely and lamenting the fact that it was only Monday, but for some reason, he couldn't remember when it was, and that, not being able to recall the memory, was making it so he could not sleep.

Sighing, knowing that in less than two hours they would have to get up and face the day, get the boys ready for school, and feed Loren, he still could not relax enough to fall asleep. Looking down at his wife, he couldn't help but notice all the good, all the beautiful, all the magical qualities in her. Tracing her face with his index finger, he realized just how effortlessly she had taken over his world, becoming the most important thing in it. _Utterly perfect, _he whispered to only the silence of the room. _She literally has no imperfections, physically or in her character. _Suddenly, he knew; he knew what the day before had reminded him of, and within seconds his mind took him back to the most crucial day of his life.

He could remember his absolute sense of dread for the weeks to come, how hot it was even in the air conditioned house, how he had eaten his lunch quickly outside and spent the rest of his break resting against a tree, that was until he was interrupted by sheer luck striking his life. _She's gorgeous_…._practically flawless_…._ most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen_..._peaceful to be with_, all the initial, private thoughts he had of his wife ran through his mind, and he knew exactly what the previous day had reminded him of. In life it seemed as if what were going to be the worst possible days ever always turned into the best ones of a person's life. On that hot, humid day a year and a half before, he had met the love of his life, and on the cold, miserable, rainy day the day before, he had finally gotten a family, the one thing he had wanted his whole life.

Speaking out loud, his voice full of certainty, Ryan amended the concern he had voiced all those months ago on the night he had met his wife, "it's going to be a long, wonderful life!"

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed this story. It has definitely been a labor of LOVE of mine. Not only has this story been meaningful for me to write, but I've enjoyed it tremendously. I hope this last chapter is everything you hoped for and is a fitting conclusion to this tale for you. Enjoy!  
Charlynn_


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